


I.M the I'm (Changkyun)

by Multi_Fan_Kpop_Lover_0903



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band), Nu'bility - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I dont know how to do this tagging thing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, Pray for me, Talk of Suicide, Why Did I Write This?, does this even work, i think i'm going to hell, jesus i dont know what i'm doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-05-03 17:29:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 53,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14573982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multi_Fan_Kpop_Lover_0903/pseuds/Multi_Fan_Kpop_Lover_0903
Summary: From a young changkyun to older changkyun.His life, and why he became the way he is. Why he's so quiet, and so clingy to his hyungs.  Also shows his relationships with each of the member's, and how it progresses.I'm horrible with summaries, but I promise if you just give it a try you'll love it!Thank you.





	1. Family

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I've written in a long time, and I hope everyone likes it.
> 
> Please remember I love Monsta x, so this isn't a hate story I just had an idea floating around for a while, and finally decided to get it out.

**Third person POV:**

Little changkyun watched the other kids get picked up by their parents, while he still sat on the bench waiting. Even after an hour his mother still hasn't came. He's use to this, she'll come eventually or someone will call his dad. He see's a teacher coming up to him and sighs knowing what was coming, what always came when his mother forgot his existence.  
He wishes they would wait a little bit longer before calling his dad. If he comes to pick him up it'll just start another argument between his parents which he really doesn't want, because it always turns his mother on him when his dad leaves, and he's tired of trying to hide the bruises from the teachers.

But sadly he knew they wouldn't wait any longer, other kids have already been gone for a while and its starting to get dark.  
Miss. Lee, one of his teacher's, put her hand on his shoulder and smiled sadly at him. She knew that he was aware of her having to call his dad. She also knew that my family was having problems. He just sighs and follows behind her dragging his bag behind him.  
He stuffs his free hand in his pocket as they enter the office, and doesn't make eye contact with the adults there.

"Mom didn't show again, Mrs. Jun. Call his dad and let him know." The older lady nodded before looking toward changkyun with sadness on her face. He ignores the look and sits in one of the chairs while pulling out one of the books he got from the library. His one safe haven from the looks he gets when he won't join the other kids during recess.  
After a bit Mrs. Jun tells him his dad is coming, and he just readies himself for the yelling and the after effects of the argument between his dad, and his most likely drunk mother.

Right as he gets half way through the book the door opens and there is his dad, just glaring at everything and anything. "Come on Changkyun. Let's go." Mrs. Jun held her hand up motioning for dad to stop a second. He does so, but not without a making a rude comment or two. "You wanted me to get him, I'm getting him, so what else could you possibly want."  
"I'm sorry Mr. Im but this can't continue to happen. This is the sixth time since school started 2 months ago. Technically we're not suppose to stay, and wait with changkyun but we do. So either you have to find another way for him to get home or come and get him yourself everyday."

Changkyun watches his dad toss his head back, and let out a heavy breath of air. He looks at me for a moments and nods. "I'll figure it out and let you all know. I'll most likely set him up on the bus, but until i talk to his mother i won't know." Mrs. Jun nods and we go but not before she's tells me to be safe and have a good weekend.

Heh.

Safe.

That word isn't in his word list anymore. Not since his dad left him and his mom, and she turned to alcohol and whatever drug she can get a hold of. Not since she realized he was was so easy to throw around and to blame for everything even if was her own fault dad left. Even she's the reason their family was no longer together.

 

* * *

 

 

**Changkyun's POV:**

We pull up outside my house without a word between us. Which isn't unusual with my dad and I. We've never been the type of people to talk without a reason, unlike mom who says anything anything without a thought of what she says.  
He sighs gets out of the car, and walks toward the house without looking back to see if I'm coming because he knows I will.

I always do.

I open the car door and make it half way up the house when the yelling starts. I just stop and sigh knowing tonight would be hard if I didn't hide quick enough. Our neighbor who is sitting outside on his porch just nods his head at me before going in his house to ignore that he hears it. Like it's normal.

Oh. Wait.

It is. I sit on the steps in front playing with the rocks with the tops of my shoes, while waiting to go in. They're just getting louder and I know its gonna go on for awhile, it always does. I look up as it gets darker, and watch as the stars come out one by one. What I wouldn't give to be one of those stars to just sit up there in the sky and do nothing. I look back at the door which is a ajar, and can't help but dread tonight, hoping I can hide.

I sneak past the yelling and pray she doesn't see me. I practically run up to my room hoping that when he leaves she'll think he took me with him, and won't come looking for me. But I know that's wishful thinking he never takes me. And she knows this.  
I hear the front door slam and slide under my bed all the way to the wall. I put the box that's always under my bed, in front of me hoping it will shield me from her. I've always been a small child so I hope its enough to block me so that she won't find me.

"CHANGKYUN!!" I gulp and tuck my head into my knees, which are against my chest. I hold my wolf plushy, that I got during happier times, tightly to my chest. Ignoring the yelling and stomping trying to think happy things.

I hear my door slam open and her laugh loudly. "Where are you brat? You can't hide from me damnit!" I curl tighter as she slams around the things in the room around or open. Thankfully she doesn't find me, or she gets tired of looking. But I still don't come out well into the night when I know she's passed out.  
Falling asleep to her yelling and throwing things is normal. But I wish it wasn't. I wish she still loved me.

I wish she still sang to me, and held me.

I wish i had my family back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that this is fake, and none of it is real!  
> I would hate for someone to take this seriously and think I wish harm on changkyun or anyone else.

_**Changkyun's POV:** _

A couple of years later...

I lay on the floor as still as possible so she doesn't come back, and start all over again. I lay there for hours just trying not to cry as my body aches with bruises, and cuts from her hands, and random objects. I close my eyes as tears slip out wondering what I did to deserve this. I'm good. I don't get in trouble at school with my teachers, and I just stay away from other kids. I always do as she tells me, and I never talk back. I stay out of the way when she brings weird people home. I open my eyes and just stare at the ceiling.  
I turn my head to make sure that she is asleep on the couch. When I see she is I slowly let out a breath, and try to sit up as quietly as possible. Once I'm up I slowly make my way to the bathroom to wash all the blood, and dirt off my face. I refuse to look in the mirror to see how bad it is. I know I'll look worse than I usually do, because she was particularly mad to day.  
She found out dad's dating someone and of course it's my fault so I got the beating for it. Funny thing is, I shouldn't have been here today. This weekend was my weekend to be with dad and instead he decided to not get me and be with his new girlfriend.

Which didn't surprise me. I'm not very important to dad anymore.

After rinsing off in the sink, because the shower is to loud, I throw on a hoodie, and ball cap along with a face mask. I walk carefully through the house to put my shoes on, then even more carefully out of the house. Where as soon as the door shuts I try to run as fast, and as quietly as I can away from the house. I don't really watch my surroundings or where I'm going. And funnily enough no one really thinks to stop a young kid running through the streets in the middle of the night.  
I run straight to the park my mom, and dad brought me to when things were happy, and they loved me. I can't help but think of the times when me, and mom would play in the sand and dad would laugh when I would act like a monster, and destroy the castle she built.  
I reach my hands up and run my fingers through the tears streaming from my bruised eyes. I look around and instead of happiness I usually feel at this park I can't help but be angry so I run again, but this time I know where I'm going.

To the bridge where all this started.

Where my mom ruined everything.

I feel like I've been running for hours and I probably have for all I know. But I'm not going home. I won't ever go back again. Whats the point of trying to love someone who just wants to hurt me for a reason that's not even my fault.  
I finally reach the bridge and I slow to a walk, my legs are hurting now not only from all the running, but all the cuts, and bruises that are starting to burn and ache.  
As I near where everything ended for me I feel the tears start to flow more and my chest tighten. I stop and sit down with my knees to my chest as my mind flashes back to that night

The night I lost my sister.

 

* * *

 

 

**_~Flashback~_ **

_I look over to my little sister and smile. I reach into her car seat and hold her little hand against my own small one that feels so big with hers curling into a tiny fist against my own. She's so pretty. Like mommy. She's got mine and daddy's curly hair and chubby cheeks, but her face and eyes looks like mommy's. We're waiting for mommy to get done with what she's doing then we're going home._   
_It's only been a couple months since Solaria was born, but mommy has been coming to the place for a while now even before solaria was born. I look up as I hear my mom yelling at some guy, I don't know who he is, but he's scary looking mom jumps in the car and slams the door._   
_"Mom! Solaria's sleeping, gotta be quiet." I see her take a deep breathe before she turns to me with a smile on her face that even my young mind can tell somethings not right with it._

_"I'm sorry Kyunnie, I'll be more quiet next time. Now! Let's go home to daddy, K?" I nod my head in quick jerky motions making her smile. She takes a quick look at solaria's sleeping form, before turning back around and starting to drive off from the weird house._   
_I watch as solaria sleeps, it's my favorite thing to do. I always watch as she falls asleep, and for a little while after she already is. I smile and lay my head on the door as I hold her hand._   
_"Hey, kyunnie?" I look up at my mom as she glances at me really quick, "Remember? We don't tell daddy where we were, Okay? It's are little secret." I quirk my lips nodding slowly. "But what about the scary man yelling at you. Shouldn't daddy knows since that man was being mean? You always say we have to tell people when others are mean to us."_   
_She shakes her quickly, "No! We never tell daddy about that man, Okay? Its not a good idea. Daddy will get really mad, and we don't want daddy mad, right?"_   
_I start to shake my head and start to answer when solaria wakes up and starts crying. "Whats wrong with her?" Mom doesn't  wait for answer, before pointing behind the seat I'm behind. "Get a bottle out of the bag and give it to her. I have a headache coming on and her screaming is gonna make it worse so hurry."_   
_I quickly does as she asks and grab the bottle, but as I take the cap off to give it to her we hit a bump and the bottle rolls under the front seat away from me._   
_"Mommy it dropped under the seat, and it's the only one." She sighs and shakes her head before glancing down at the front seat._

_"I see it, hold on." She looks out the windshield for a moment before reaching to grab it. "Wait! Mommy the bridge."_   
_She jerks up as we drive towards the bridge. She flinches as solaria lets out a scream. She looks down again then at the bridge. "Mommy-" I don't get to finish my sentence as she reaches down to grab the bottle. She jerks back up but its too late, the car swerves into the wrong lane and I throw my arms over solaria's car seat as mom screams._

_"Changkyun!! Lim Changkun!!!"_

  
_I open my eyes and realize everything's up side down. "Changkyun, Baby!" I whimper as my body aches. "Baby talk to me." I try to look at solaria to see if she's okay, but as soon as I move everything hurts and I scream. Just before i black out again I hear people outside the car yelling about me and my sister._

 

* * *

 

 

**_*Beep* *Beep*_ **

_I slowly open my eyes, but the light blinds me and I whimper slightly at the burn. "Oh my god, changkyun!" I hear my dad and try to move my head towards him. "Don't move kyunnie your hurt. Here let me turn the lights down." I open my eyes again and I can see now. I look to my dad who looks tired and sad. "D-daddy?" He leans over me and kisses my forehead._   
_"Oh kyunnie. I'm so sorry." I feel confusion, and I guess he see's it on my face. "Let me get you some water and the doctor then daddy will explain everything, okay?" I nod and watch as he goes out. But then it hits me, The accident and I start to struggle making the heart machine beep like crazy and him and the doctor and some man in a officer uniform come rushing in_   
_"Changkyun calm down! You're okay!" I try to shake my head only to whimper in pain. "Mommy? S-solaria! Wh-where is sh-she?!" The doctor and the officer look at my dad sadly, who looks like he's about to cry._

_"Kyunnie baby. Mommy's really hurt and sol-" He covers his face as he sits in the chair next to me in a chair. "Solaria's gone home to the angels changkyun." I look at the doctor who looks sad but trying to seem normal for my sake. "What?"_   
_He sighs and looks at the officer before resting his hand on mine as daddy sobs softly. "Your sister was really hurt in the accident, and the angels were sent from heaven to bring her there, so she won't be hurt anymore."_   
_I look over at my dad careful not to hurt myself and feel tears in my eyes. "Like grandma and grandpa." He nods still covering his eyes_   
_"B-but? That means I can't see her anymore. I have to! She's my sister. I have to teach her how climb trees, and, and I have to be her big brother! I can't do that if she's in heaven." I hear the doctor cough into his hand and see my dad hunch over more._

_"And mom. Where is she?" The doctor points outside the room. "She's in another room where she's healing. You'll be able to see her soon, but first we have a couple of questions for you. Well, this officer does."_   
_I watch as he smile softly at me. "Hey, changkyun. I'm sorry to do this, but I need you to answer a few questions for me." He waits till I carefully nod before asking. " Can you tell me what happened before the accident, and where your mommy was before you guys were on the bridge >"_   
_I shake my carefully and he frowns slightly. "I can't because mommy said we can't tell daddy where we were. She said he'll get mad and we don't want daddy mad." I feel my dad grab my hand. I turn to him as he shakes his head._   
_"I won't be mad at you, changkyun. I promise. But you have to tell the officer. He's trying to help us, Okay?" I sigh and look at the officer and nod softly. "But first can I have some water. My throat hurts." After dad gives me the water, I look at my hands which were bruised just like my arms "We were at the scary mans house."_

_I don't see my dad and the officer look at each other. "What scary man, changkyun?" I shrug my shoulders, but wince when it hurts. "I don't know him. I've never talked to him. I've always stayed in the car before and after solaria was born. Mommy said it wasn't safe for me in the house. She always left the car on though."_   
_I hear my dad take a deep breathe and the officer writing something down. "Can you tell me about the man? and how long you were in the car?"_   
_I tell them about them and I see dad's hands clinch when I mention being in the car for a couple of hours alone. "Changkyun?" I look at the officer who's eyes roam my face carefully. "Did your mom seem different when she got back to the car ,than she did when she got there?"_   
_I nod and he lets out a quiet breath "Mommy is always different. She smiles weird and talks different. But it's normal she's always like that." He nods and looks to my dad who looks down. "Thank you for your help changkyun." I smile at him as he leaves. The doctor quickly checks me over and once he leaves daddy scoots me over carefully and lays next to me, pulling my gently to his chest._   
_"I'm sorry daddy. If I hadn't dropped the bottle none of this would have happened." His arms tighten slightly, before he kisses my forehead, and pulls back to look at me sternly. "No changkyun. This is not your fault. It's your mothers."_

  
_I just push my self back into my dads arms. I hear what he's saying but i can't help but believe its my fault._

 

**_~Flashback End~_ **

 

* * *

 

 

I slowly open my eyes and push myself up to walk toward the edge of the bridge. I slip my legs over and sit on the railings to look at the rushing water beneath me. I learned pretty quickly what was going on. I learned through the walls and doors of home.  
Mom was cheating on dad, and she drunk and high that night. That's why she seemed weird to me that night. But its in the past now. And I still live with the guilt, that isn't my fault, About my sister dying.  
I sit in silence while the cars drive behind me, no one thinking to stop to ask the young child sitting on the edge of the bridge what in the world he thinks he's doing. I look up to the sky to see the stars twinkling and the moon bright and full. And I can't but feel like my sister is in a better place.  
Because sooner or later my dad would have figured it out, and they would have divorced sooner. But maybe mom wouldn't have changed the way she did. Maybe dad wouldn't of handed me off to her as soon as she could take me. Not caring that she was an alcoholic, and didn't care about me one bit.

Maybe I wouldn't be sitting on the edge of a bridge thinking about whether or not I should jump. I'm just a kid that should not even be thought in my head.

Yet. Here I am.

Wondering if I could be with my sister again if only I jumped.  
Wondering if anyone would notice if I was gone.  
Wondering if I could feel happy again up there with the angel with solaria.

Just as I'm about let go I hear footsteps behind me. "Hey kid?" I turn and see a officer behind me, "What are you doing up there?" Everyone always tells me I'm to serious, and bluntly honest, and maybe I am because I tell the truth.  
"I was wondering if I jumped would i be able to see my sister again, and if I can feel happy." I hear a quick intake of breath behind me. "Where are your parents son?"  
I shrug my shoulders, "Mom was passed out drunk last time I saw, and I don't know about my dad. I was suppose to be with him this weekend. But he didn't come because he has a new girlfriend and I'd just be in the way." I turn my head and look at him, he has pity written across his face.  
It's an emotion I know well seeing as everyone I know, who knows about my home life, sees me all the time, gives me that exact look all the time. "Well why don't you come down from there and we'll see about getting you home." My eyes widen and I inch forward a little farther out and shake my head. "No. Don't take me back. I just wanna be with my sister again. Please. She'll just hurt me again if you bring me back,  
The officer closes his eyes and shakes his head before he lunges at me so quickly I don't even have time to blink before I'm of the edge and in his arms. But I do realize and I start to yell, and stuggle. "No! Let me go. Please! Please don't take me back." He sets me in front of him but doesn't take his hands off of me.

"I'm not gonna take you back, but I do gotta get you to a hospital. You eyes are swelling and that cut on cheek looks nasty. And god knows what other injuries you have." I shake my head. "No. Just let me do what I want. Why does everyone have to make choices for me? They always pick the wrong ones. The ones that hurt."  
He smiles sadly at me and puts me in the car. Before he shuts the door he looks me straight in the eyes, "I won't let you go back to your mom. But i'm not letting you go off that bridge either, kid." I try to open the door but he put the child lock on which makes mad, but seeing as how I can't do anything I just growl and kick the back of his seat. He tries to talk to me on the way to the hospital but I ignore him in favor of look out the window. I see very few people out, seeing as how its so late but there are a few.  
By the time we pull up I'm half asleep. My body being battered and bruised, and running all over has exhausted me. I feel myself being picked up and before I can freak out I'm on a stretcher being taken in to a doctor.

They ask questions. They poke and prod, and I just ignore them. They're going to send me back to mom. I just know it, and I start to plan my escape when dad barrels into the room they put me in and told me to stay. "What were you thinking? A bridge changkyun? Suicide? Do you not care about what it would put people through?" He's still yelling but my mind blanked out at that question.

Put people through? What people?"

"Shut up!!" He stops stunned as does the officer who brought me here. "What people?! You? You who left me with that woman I call a mother? The woman who beats me! Why the hell would you care> You abandoned me the first chance you got, and are you talking about mom, because she'd be ecstatic if I was dead! Hell you would be to, I'd be out of your hair. No more calls to pick me up at school when mom forgot I existed. No more picking me up only to drop me at a babysitters as soon as you could. So tell me dad, Who?"  
By this time I'm on my knees on the bed waving my arms around yelling at my dad who's backed up looking completely ashamed and the officer who looks so shocked he can do nothing but stand there. I wince as pain lances through my body and wipe the tears that are starting to fall. Now wanting to  give him the satisfaction of my tears.

Softer this time with tears streaming again. without my consent "Tell me dad, who would really care if I was gone?" And he can't even say anything. Because he knows I'm right. No one would care, not anymore.  
So I lay down and roll over on my side facing away from them. "Just leave me alone. I want to sleep."

And sleep I did, until the next day when they told me I was going to live with my dad for now on, and my mom would have no rights to me anymore. For a second I was happy.

No more beatings.  
No more screaming.  
No more not being allowed to eat.

But then I remembered.

Still no love.  
I still have no one who cares about me.  
I'm still gonna be ignored by someone who's suppose to love me.  
And I still don't have my sister back.

But in the end, it's better than my mom. Its better than being a beat everyday just for breathing. And that's what I tell the judge when she asks me what I think.  
"Even though I won't be with someone who loves me and cares for me. It's still better than being with my mom, it's better than being beat day in and day out." The judge looks at me sad because at the end of the day she can order my dad to take me in.

She can't order him to love me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you all liked it! And continue to like it, Please give me feedback.  
> Good or bad either one will help me grow as a writer.
> 
> If you noticed any typos or missing words let me know and i'll fix it.  
> Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 50+ kudos!  
> I didn't think I'd get so many so thank you!
> 
> Next chapter, i got stuck on this chapter with the school part, but i powered through!
> 
> If you see any typos or missing words let me know i'll fix them. Other wise enjoy.

**Changkyun's POV:**

As the years pass nothing changes other than being beat daily, I'm ignored. Which to be honest is the better of the two. I look up as my dad walks into the kitchen. He stops and looks at me, we don't talk. We just stare at each other.  
He looks away after putting money on the table and walking away. He doesn't have to say anything I know its for the bus ride there and back, and also for lunch. Which I don't know why he gives it to me.

I make my own lunch seeing as I don't care for american lunches. So I bring my own which solves the problem of me not having to be awkward in the lunch line, and also so I will eat instead of not eating.  
I quickly finish eating and get ready for school. Luckily there's not a dress code so jeans, a hoodie, and a ball cap is perfectly fine. I slip my shoes on and make my way to the bus stop. Once I get there and sit to wait I notice a man playing guitar, I walk over and listen. I can understand a bit since i'm learning English, but not a ton.

As I listen to his soft voice I drop a bill from the money dad gave me making the man smile at me. I bow and walk back to grab my bag once the bus comes. I quickly pay and sit in the back of the bus.  
Today wasn't gonna be a good day. Not just because I can barely speak English, and I'm going to an american school for the time being. But because I barely speak English, everyone thinks I'm weird and pick on me. Which I don't care about its something I'm use to, so I've learned to let it roll off my back and ignore it.

But sometimes, lately, things have been getting more violent, but I hate conflict so I ignore it, and try to avoid them and stay out of their way. Sometimes it doesn't work so I've learned that if I set them off they'll leave me alone for a week or two. Yeah, not always the best thing to do seeing as it causes me pain but its gets them to leave me alone for weeks so I take the lesser of the two evils.  
Being picked on and pushed around everyday, or only being hit and kicked every week or so?

Yeah I'll take every week or so of being hit.

Once I'm at school, I immediately head for the library where I know I'm safe because the librarian adores me for some reason. So I use it as a means to hide from everyone I need to. When I enter the room the librarian smiles at me and pats my head as I pass by to the usual table in the back by one of the few windowless walls. I pull out my homework and finish it before class begins. I've always been good at science, and math. But its everything else that I actually have to work to understand.

"How are you doing Daniel?" That's another thing. I don't go by changkyun here in america, I go by Daniel. Dad thought it would be better, hoping it would take a little weirdness off of me if I had a normal name. But it just makes me feel awkward. Which other people notice, which in turn makes them pick on me more.

"Okay." I nod at Mrs. Brown as she walks by to put books up. "Are you doing better in English?" I do a so-so motion with my hand,  
"Getting better, but not much." She smiles softly. "You'll get there. It just takes time a practice." I smile one of my perfected fake smiles and go back to my homework knowing she'll buy it. She always does.

Soon enough the bell rings and class starts.

 

* * *

 

"Time for lunch everyone! Be good, and no rule breaking." Everyone says yes sir and exits the class except me. I always let everyone go first so I know that no one is waiting for me. My teacher knows this so he doesn't hurry me he just takes his time gathering his things.  
Soon enough I leave the class room and head straight to the library, or I try to.  
"Well, well, well. Look who we have here." I lower my head and hunch my shoulders down to look smaller hoping that will make them leave me alone, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen anytime soon.  
"Got nothing to say, weirdo?" I just stand there, my hands are shaking from effort not to push past and run to the library. I've never been good confrontation or violence in any way.

"Jeez, why are you even here? Your nothing but a **** u should go back to your own freak country." I close my eyes tight ignoring the slur aimed at my race. It's nothing new to be honest. I look up finally to see the three boys standing in front of me, the one in front is white while the other two are black and Hispanic  
I can't help but think 'why is he calling me racist names when both of his friends are of different races?' suddenly my shoulder is pushed and I'm against the locker wincing slightly at the pain.

"I ask you a question freak." I swallow hard and look for a way out. I could run, but I know they would just make this harder for me if they ever caught me again. And they most likely would catch me, maybe not today.

But they will.  
They always do.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, knowing whats going to follow, but also knowing I have to get it over with. "Because my father makes more money than you or idiotic little groups fathers make in a week."  
I see the first punch coming and I don't dodge it. They need to get out of their system and they'll leave alone for at least a week or two. Hopefully.  
"You freak! How dare you say that about our fathers? I'll show you!"

They kick to make stomach hurt like hell, but I refuse to make any sound knowing that will push them farther.  
Soon enough they take off because of a sound at the end of the hall. I lay there for a minute getting my barrings before carefully getting up and limping to the bathroom.  
You'd think I'd be sobbing, but I'm use to this from my mom in the past, and you never forget the pain. And honestly I'm familiar with pain now. So it's nothing for me to ignore it all. I clean the split lip and cut above my eyebrow. You'd think the pain would show on my face.

But all that shows is indifference. Because that's all I know how to show. That's all I can let myself show in fear of becoming vulnerable to others. Which I shouldn't find terrifying, but I do. It scares me to my very core.

Letting others see me vulnerable.  
Scared.  
In pain.

No. I can't ever let that happen. No matter what I have to hide, because god knows what would happen to me if I allowed anyone close to me in that way. So I never would. I wouldn't show my true emotions, I will only allow people to see what they think they need to see.

Indifference.  
Fake happiness.  
Pretend anger.  
Just plain lies, that's what my emotions will be. But that's what my life will and has become.

I slowly breathe out and leave the bathroom and make my way to the library to eat and just relax. I'm the only person Mrs. Brown allows to eat in here, because I don't go near the books. As I enter I keep my head lowered, trying to keep her from seeing my face.  
I won't allow her to coddle me and try to find out what happened it would only make it worse. I get to my seat without any interruptions. I let out a sigh and begin eating.

Alone, just how it needs to be.

 

* * *

 

 

I walk off the bus near my house and sigh. I wonder if dad will even notice the cuts and bruises or if he'll just continue to ignore me. I sit on the bus stop, and lean my head back while closing my eyes.

I'm so tired.

I run my fingers through my hair and groan. It's gotten longer than I would like. I'm gonna have to ask dad for money to get a hair cut. Yeah, That's not gonna go over well.  
I open my eyes and see the sky darkening slowly. I look to my side where the guy from this morning sat, knowing it'll be empty. I can't help but wish he was hear so I could listen to him sing again. It's a good escape. Music has always been a good escape for me. I shake my head quickly ridding it of those thoughts before getting up and heading home.  
Once home I take off my shoes and head to the kitchen seeing my dad sit at the table looking over some paper work. I don't bother talking to him, I just head straight for the fridge to find something to eat. I grab some left over chicken from another night, and warm it up.  
When its done I sit at the other end of the table and eat it in a quick yet polite manner.

"I'm having colleges over tomorrow for dinner. Your welcome to come down, but try not to embarrass me. And I'll leave some money for you to get that crap off your head." I tense my shoulders before nodding. You know what. I don't think i'm getting my hair cut like I was planning to.  
I smirk as I finish up my food but wince at the same time as it pulls at my split lip. "Jesus, Changkyun. What happened to your face." I shrug before walking out of the kitchen, but I tell him over my shoulder just so he'll leave me alone.  
"You know i'm clumsy." I hear him huff as I walk up stairs to my room. I pull out my computer and look up long yet short hair cuts, that will cut it short yet just long enough to annoy my father. I don't want to disrespect my father, but I also don't let him take over everything like my mother did.  
I won't stop the bullies from hitting me because it just spurs them to get rougher and I'm just not big enough to fight off all of them.

But I will try and stop my father form controlling everything I do and say, like my mother did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought please!!
> 
> And remember things have to get bad before they get better! That's my motto in life, well it's actually 'You have fall before you can truly fly." 
> 
> If your wondering what the blanked out word was. It was a racial slur but i refuse to actually write the word. I being multi racial hate using, hearing, and seeing racial slurs so just can't actually write it. Using curse words is no biggie for me but racial slurs is a no no.
> 
> Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long i had a family problem i had to deal with but its here!!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos.
> 
> Enjoy!

** Changkyun POV: **

I was shaking in anger. I've only ever raised my voice at someone once, and that was my father when he came to the hospital after getting pulled of the bridge, and now for the second time it's at my father again. He doesn't seem to understand I'm tired of moving around. I'm sick of having to meet new people. I'm sick of getting into school and only being there for a couple of months before moving again. He doesn't seem to understand that, yes his job is important but so am I.

He glares at me from the other side of the island. "When I took you in I was told I had to provide for you and take care of you, not make you happy. So why would I start now?" I shake my head and let out a loud breath.

"I'm not saying you have to stop moving around. All I'm saying is pick a place as a home spot for me to stay while you travel for your job. I don't need to go with you! I can live by myself. I've been taking care of myself basically my entire life. I don't need you to be there."  
He turns and slams his hands down on the counter facing away from me. "It's not happening changkyun! And that's final. What I say goes and that's that. I'm not letting you live by yourself, when I can't even trust you not to do something stupid!."

Disbelief covers my face and voice as I speak. "When have I ever done something stupid when I've been by myself? When have I ever done anything at all? I've done nothing but what you tell me to do! I cook, clean, and take of myself without your help in any sense of the word. So please, do tell me what I've done that garners your mistrust?"  
He turns and points at me shaking in anger, "Your her son changkyun! Which means I have all rights to mistrust you, in any way." Hurt and disbelief fill me making tears fill my eyes in a way they haven't in a long time.  
"Yeah, you're right dad. I'm her son. But you seem to have forgotten. I'm your son to." I step with my hands raised palms out and voice shaking.  
"But you don't seem to care about that point, huh?"

I leave him stuttering in the kitchen, and I grab my jacket, phone, and shoes before running out of the house. I hear him yell for me, but I ignore it in favor of blaring music. I don't really know what song I picked, but it has a heavy beat the feeds the anger in me which is honestly not a good thing.  
I ignore the stares of people walking around me. I know its because anger is coloring my face red, and the heavy music flowing from my phone. But I don't care my anger is bubbling so much that none of that registers to me.  
I walk across a street to an abandoned park and sit on one of the benches. As another song comes on softer now I can't help but groan knowing that he's gonna be even angrier when I get home, that he was when I left. Well more like ran.

But who's looking at little details like that. I sit there for what seems like hours just watch the broken swings sway with the breeze floating through the air. When suddenly I hear a familiar voice thrumming with the wind.  
I look around and notice a man siting on a blanket by the side walk singing without a care in the world. People walk by, some ignore him while others stop and listen dropping change. I can't shake the feeling that he seems familiar to me, but I can't seem to place him. So I shake it off and walk over to him after turning my phone off. He singing a soft lullaby. I stand there with my eyes closed and just listen. For an older man he sound good.

"Hey kid." I open my eyes to see the man still strumming his guitar, but looking at me. "Sir?" He smiles slightly, patting the ground beside him. Now usually I stay away from strangers, you know stranger danger and all, But for some reason I felt like needed to.  
I sat down and he started humming before talking. "You know I started singing when I was around 10-11. My mother was so happy. But not because her son was talented. But because she could make money off me. Even though I didn't want to sing. But I grew to love it little by little."  
I looked at him wondering why he was telling me this. "Not because my mom made me do it, but because it was a good place to lose myself. Soon I started writing my own music, not to sing it mind you. I started writing it just because I wanted to. And it was a great way to lose my self, and my emotions."

I look at my hands and nod. "Yeah, its good to listen to also." He nods humming again for a few moments. "Can you sing?" I shake my head. "No, sir. I'd rather learn to rap then sing to be honest." He nodded and smirked. "Nothings wrong with that. I was close with a guy who rapped. He was darn good to. He use to take me to some of those under ground rap battles. It was cool." I smiled. "Yeah, rapping is good when it comes to my emotions more than singing."  
He nods at a lady passing who drops a couple of coins. "Can you rap though?" I let out a laugh shaking my head. "Gosh no. My dad would go crazy if he thought I was trying to learn to rap. He wants me to be a scientist like him."

"Do you want to learn science?" I shrug my shoulders. "It's cool, You get to learn all sorts of things but in the long run. No. No, I don't want to. I want to learn music. But I don't think that's ever gonna happen." The man reaches over and pats me on my back. "Have you wondered why I'm out here singing instead of on TV or on the radio."  
I shook my head. "No sir. I didn't give it much thought." He smiles brightly. "Its because I can sing freely. No one can tell me what I can and can't sing. No one can make me be what I don't want to."  
He goes back to strumming his guitar still smiling. "I don't usually tell kids to go against their parents like I did my mother. Because I'm homeless now with nothing but this guitar to my name. But if its happiness you want. You do you, kid."

He nods his head sharply frowning slightly. "You do what you believe will make you happy, not what makes others happy. It why I'm homeless with nothing, but a guitar to my name. Because I'm happy. Now, I'm not saying become a homeless bum like me. I'm just saying do what makes you happy." He smiles brightly at me again sliding the frown off his face like he doesn't have a worry in the world.  
I smile shyly back and nod. "Your right, sir." He nods and pats me on the back again. "Of course I am." I laugh along with him, and for awhile we just sit there talking and him showing me how play certain things on the guitar.  
"Well it's time for me to go kid. If I want to eat I got to get the to the shelter soon." I nod and stand with him helping him up and holding his guitar for him. "Well you think about what I said okay. And remember this, The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters." I nod as he walks away singing loudly.

But happily.

After he's out of my line of sight I begin my walk home with heavy mind. I take my time getting home knowing its gonna be worse than when I left and dreading it.  
When I get to the house I stand out front for a bit just staring at the house. I know he knows I'm here, because he looked out the window at me. So I know he's waiting for me, which in my mind isn't a good thing to be honest.  
I slowly start to walk up, taking a deep breath hoping this doesn't turn into a another argument. I don't think I have the energy, or the want to keep arguing anymore.  
As I walk in I see him sitting in the living room. He looks up at and I can see the anger on his face. "I'll make a deal with you, changkyun. We'll stay here till you go to college. But what I say goes. You do what I want, when I want it. No if, and's, or buts. Got it?" My eyes widen and I nod my head.

I already do everything he wants so whats a couple more years as long as I get to stay in one place. But of course my happiness doesn't stay,  
"But as soon as you get into college you leave, and you don't come back. I don't want to see hide nor hair of you again. Don't come begging for money or help. Because I won't be here."  
I know I shouldn't be disappointed or upset.

But I am. I'm so upset its not even funny. Resentment fills my body like never before and I don't even try to stop it.  
"That's perfectly fine. Why would I want any contact with someone just as bad as my mother."  
I hold my hand up before he can say anything. "I don't mean physically because you've never laid your hands on me. But mentally, emotionally. Your just as bad if not worse than her."  
I shrug my shoulders at him "So, why would I want you in my life?"  
I don't even give him a chance to reply I just go upstairs to my room feeling so hurt and upset. I had hoped that maybe we could heal what went wrong between us.

But apparently that will never happen. He won't ever want to love me as his son again. But that's fine.

I don't need him.  
I don't need my _father_.

I lay in my bed and try not to cry I should have expected this. I should have expected he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I know he doesn't love me anymore. I've known for a long time now. But I always had hope. Dreamed he would change his mind and love me. But of course I should have known I can never be happy or loved.  
I look over and see a notebook sitting on my desk. Its like it's beckoning me to come and write. I think back to the old man and without a second thought I jump up and go to the notebook. As I open it and grab a pen I can see the words floating through my head, telling me what to write and what needs to be written.

So I do. I write and I don't stop.

 

 _'I feel empty_  
_yet so full_  
_of emotion_

 _Like the smallest_  
_thing could push_  
_me over the edge_

 _What do you do_  
_when there's nothing_  
_but pain_  
_left inside you_

 _And what if everything_  
_we are looking for_  
_only existed_  
_in our_  
_dreams_

 _How do you explain_  
_something_  
_you don't even understand_  
_yourself'_

_B.G.T._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like always let me know if you see any typos or missing words so i can fix it.
> 
> And let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> The poem is someone else's and sadly i don't know who. I only have their initials. But it's not mine and i'm not stealing it i'm letting you know it's someone else's!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is gonna be a little happy.  
> But only a little bit, because happiness doesn't come till later.
> 
> So once again let me know if you see any typos or missing words and i'll fix them.
> 
> Enjoy and Thank you for all the love!

**Chapter 5:**

Have you ever wondered what you want to do in life seriously? Not just a passing thought like 'I think i'm gonna be a doctor, or a scientist.'  
But like a real deep, 'What is going to be the best for my life in the long run?' Because I am doing so now. School's been over for a while and you'd think i would go home. But me and dad haven't been talking other than him telling me what i need to do and why.

So. Instead of going home I'm walking around the busier parts of Gwangju. This is a good place to live. They're are still bullies who don't like the way I look or act. But that's just life and I am always going to have people who dislike me on principle.  
Yeah it hurts, but the best thing to do is act like nothing bothers you. So basically, Fake it till you make it, is the motto of my life right now.

Walking around I see a lot of people performing. Some dancing, Some singing, and even some play acting. But what really catches my eye is the rapping. I can't sing one bit, and don't even try to get me to dance because not only me but anyone around me will end up hurt. I make my way over to the rappers who are having a battle and I'm just infatuated. Not with them, but with their words.  
It's amazing to watch them go back and forth like this. And though their both saying some mean things neither are getting mad. They're smiling like its nothing.

It's amazing.  
They are amazing.

I stand there and watch them as new people come and go. As I watch i don't notice them watching me back, smiling at each other over my amazed expression. But when they end, I feel disappointment fill me but i just smile at them and turn to walk away.  
But I'm stopped before i can move.  
"Hey kid. You got an interest in rap?" I turn and look at the rapper with purple hair named jun, at least i think that's his name.  
"Yes, sir." His friend -I now know is chan- laughs at my use of sir, but Jun ignores him as he smiles and claps me on the shoulder. "How would you like it if we taught you some?" My eyes widen at that and I nod quickly before stopping and shaking my head no surprising them. "I-I don't have the money to pay you. Or have anything else to give you."  
They both shake their heads at me smiling. "We don't want nothing kid." chan walks over after putting their stuff over and claps Jun on the shoulder. "What's your name?"

"Changkyun."

He nods his head in thought before speaking. "Well, Changkyun. We don't want nothing from you because we were like you once. We grew up together and wanted to do everything together."  
Jun nods finishing his sentence. "And we learned just like your fixing to. By a random person who took pity on two 15 year old boys who wanted nothing but to rap but didn't know how to." I smile widely before taking their offer and exchanging numbers

Over the next few weeks and months, i meet with them in the same place and they teach me the basics. They said they wouldn't teach me to rap like them because every rapper has their own style and no two rappers are alike unless someone's copying their style. So they said i had to find my own style of rap.  
They taught how to flow my words together and how to write my own raps. They taught me what not to do and how to flow English into what i was rapping. And for the first time in a very long I was happy.

Truly happy.  
I should have known it wasn't going to last.

"You are amazing changkyun! Keep working and you could make it big. Now we just have to work at your stage nerves." I laugh nervously while scratching the side of my neck.  
The other day they tried to help me rap in public with them but i got to nervous and couldn't do it. They didn't make fun of me or get mad with me. They were supportive and helped me figure out what the reason was i got nervous.  
We figured it's because I didn't like attention on me unless it was attention i wanted. So like the good people they are they'be been hyping me up to the point were i'm actually quite excited about today, Because i'm going to try and rap in public with them. And i can't wait to rap with my hyungs.

So after school i head to our meeting place and walk with them to where we were performing that day. I felt a itch on the back of my neck but i ignored it. Today was going to be fine. It'll be the first time i'm doing something for myself, and not others.  
I smile at jun as i help him set things up. While chan does what he does best, and that's to draw a crowd to himself. It's quite amazing really he just has this presence that draws you to him. So does jun but he's quieter than chan who always has something to say and does.

The difference is chan knows he needs a filter, jun. Not so much. If he has something to say, he says it and damn the consequences. Which he tried to rub off on me but hyung wasn't having it, and stopped it before it could really begin. It really is funny watch the hyungs together.  
You can tell that they've been friends forever, and i can't help but feel honored that they allow me to be around them. I've told them about my past with my family and learned they also come from hard backgrounds.

 

* * *

 

"God, i didn't realize how luck we are to have each other. Because we had each other to escape to. But you had no one changkyun. I'm sorry, kid." I just smiled at them as bright as i could.

"Your here for me now! That's all that matters, hyungs." They look at each other and i can see the thoughts running through their head. I try to run before they can't get me, but it doesn't matter they still do. And i'm tackled to the ground with hugs and cooing about how cute i am.

Disgusting. I am not cute.

They laugh at me when i tell exactly that. the rest of the afternoon goes exactly like that.

I'm happy.  
Truly and completely.  
And once again it can't last.  
Nothing that i want ever does.

* * *

 

I look at the crowd as they crowd around looking expectantly at me, and i let loose. The words flow like water from my lips. They catch peoples attention and they watch me like i'm as amazing as my hyungs. I don't notice the man glaring at me and the hyungs. If i did maybe i could have ended everything before it began.  
As my time ends and my hyungs begin i smile brightly and clapping along as they go on. My eyes don't stray from them as they bounce off each other. I should have looked around.

I really should have.  
Though i am lucky he waited till it ended.

"You were amazing kyunnie!!" I laugh as Jun hyung ruffles my hair and chan hyung slaps my back. "It felt amazing, hyungs." They start to laugh but t's cut off.  
"What the hell was that changkyun?" My eyes widen and my body stiffens. I don't turn but my hyungs do.  
"What in the world do you think your doing?!" My father rips me away from jun and toward him glaring heavily.  
"Are you trying to embarrass me? What if someone from my work saw you out here acting like some thug rapper?" I shake my head trying to deny that they weren't thugs but he wont have it.

I don't see the slap coming but i didn't expect him to hit me. He's never laid his hands on me before. So it shocked me to the point that i just let my head hang in the direction he slapped it. I hear my hyungs start yelling at my father and trying to get me away from them but it doesn't work he won't let go.  
"This is what you're doing with you free time!? I thought you were actually doing something productive but no. Your making an embarrassment out of me and out family name." he drags me to the car ignoring my hyungs.  
I shake my head again interrupting him. "No dad. I'm not. People love the hyungs rapping and they were just trying to show me something as a hobby. I promise i wasn't trying to embarrass you. But it doesn't matter because he's not listening.  
I look back at my hyungs with sadness knowing this will be the last time i may see them. They seem to know that to because chan has tears in his eyes and jun is glaring at my dad heavily.  
I mouth 'I'm sorry' at them but they wave it off and just wave bye to me. I get in the car and stare at them till we drive off.  
"You're done! You will come straight home after school everyday, and no more time outside of the house on the weekends. You are not to leave the house unless it's to go to school or with me."

I try to reason with him, but he wont have it. "Do you understand me, Im Changkyun? If not i will move us somewhere else, i swear changkyun i will changkyun." I shake my head while waving my arms.  
"No. I'll do what you said. I promise." He nods and proceeds home without another word. When we get home before i can go straight to my room he takes my phone from me and makes me delete their numbers in every platform and blocks their numbers, so i can't speak to them again.  
I run to my room and slam the door. I slid down with my back to it while silent tears slide down my cheeks. I should have known.

I can't be happy.  
It's not allowed in my family.  
The fates won't allow it.

I look at the notebooks filled with lyrics and raps. I may not have my hyungs, but i still have what they taught me.  
I smirk with tear tracks on my face. I will be happy. It may take a while.

But i will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, good and bad.  
> I'll take both lol.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and like always if you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Changkyun's POV:**

I look at the door in front of me with nervousness flowing through my veins.  
I take a deep breath and step into the music room. I carefully look around and see no one but the music teacher. "Oh, Hello changkyun. Did you need something?" I look at Mrs. Xian and feel the nerves getting to me. I shake my head no, before stopping and thinking about it and nodding.  
I see her smiling at me in understanding. It's known through the school that i don't have the best home life and to be honest it's aggravating knowing that people know. But i shrug it off and walk further into the room.

"I-I was wondering if you could help me." she nods before setting her things down and giving me her full attention.  
"What do you need changkyun?" I scratch the side of my neck before letting out a heavy breathe. "I was told that you could help me learn about composing music. So i was wondering if you could teach me about it. But without my father knowing?"  
She fold her arms and shakes her head, "I would love to help you changkyun. But as a teacher i can't lie to your father about your school goings." I lower my head in defeat not catching her smirking.  
"But." My head shoots up and i look at her with hope filling my body. "Since your so good at English. If we were to tell your father that i was having you help me with transcribing some of my plays from English to Korean."  
She waves her arms around still smirking. "And he wouldn't have to be told about you learning about music on the side." I smile brightly and shoot a fist into the air.  
"Yes! I would love to help Mrs." She nods her head and grabs a paper from her desk writing something on it before handing it to me.  
"Give this to your father and we'll go from there. Okay?" I nod and take the paper from her deeply bowing before taking off out of the room and out of the school.

Excitement ran through my veins as i ran to the bus stop clutching the paper to me tightly. Sitting calmly on the bus was hard but i did it by calling on my infinite patience. But as soon as we came up to my stop i was off the bus quick and ran home.

"Dad!" I run in yelling for him knowing i was probably gonna get into trouble, but to be honest i just didn't care. As i run into the kitchen i see him glaring at me and it makes me stop and take a deep breathe.  
I hold out the paper for him to take. Once he does i collapse in the chair in front of me to catch my breathe.

I watch him carefully for his reaction, praying to any god i can for him to let me do this. He looks at me for a moment before nodding his head and turning to finish eating his food.  
"Wait, Is that a yes or are you just acknowledging the letter?" He doesn't answer and that makes me antsy but i get through it by barely fidgeting and occasionally scratching my neck.

"You can help her. But since it's so close to the end of the year. Once this is done it's done. Now, go do your home work" I nod my head and race to my room to do exactly that.

And maybe work on my rap.

 

* * *

 

I'm antsy on my classes till it's lunch time, just waiting to tell Mrs. Xian the good news. I'm excited, like really excited because dad doesn't know about the underlining reason behind 'helping' my teacher. Not only do i get to learn music but i can pull a fast one over my father.

Which is always a plus when i win in something against him.

Once the bell signals it's lunch time i head over quickly to the music room. "Mrs. Xian!" I rush into the room smiling at her startled expression when i burst in so quickly.  
But she quickly smiles back and rises to come meet me. "Well, Did he say yes?" I nod my head quickly almost giving myself a head rush. "Yes, ma'am he did. But he said after this i'm not doing anymore after school activities because it's close to the end of the school year."  
"That's understandable. Well i do have some plays for you to transcribe but only about 2-3. Because we have to have some proof that your actually doing it." I agree with her because if my dad just pops in wondering if i'm doing what i'm supposed to.  
We go over to her desk and computer while she brings out a folder. "Now we'll do about 5 pages a day just to have something to show but as soon as we're done with those we'll do what your really here for."

I smile at her and we talk through lunch about when to start and how she's gonna teach me.

"Now, I already have all the equipment to produce music here. So i'm going to show you the basics of how each work and once you get the hang of the basics we'll move on to the more difficult things." I soak up all she's talking about.  
This should be boring, But it's just fueling my want to learn. Because i can write rap now, But i can't make the beat to go with it. It's exciting knowing that soon i'll be able to do this without help.  
I smile to myself and continue to listen to her before it's time to go to class.

 

* * *

 

Soon the bell rings and it's time go to class again. "Alright remember we're going to start this coming Monday and go from there, okay?" I nod in agreement before going to class. I see everyone watching me because i'm not one to just smile randomly for no reason but i am through out the whole day.  
Even the people on the bus look at me weirdly everyone in and awhile. Because apparently the goofy smile on my face makes me look weird.

Oh well.  
I'm happy, and it might last this time.  
The smile slips off my face. As long as dad doesn't find out. I shake my head letting a smile slip on again.

He won't find out. I won't allow it.

When i finally get home i go to tell him but i see him glaring at my clothes. I raises an eyebrow and look down. Black jeans red t-shirt and black hoodie alone with my converse.  
"What?" He shakes his head. "Is that what you wear everyday?" I nod my head slowly,  
'What am i going to wear? Nothing? I don't think anyone is going to like if i go to school naked.'

Of course i don't say that to him. That'll just cause problems but i have no problem thinking it. "Yes, sir. It's what i always wear. The school has no dress code. And as long they don't have any prints or rips in them i can wear whatever i want." He rubs his chin for a second.  
"But shouldn't you still dress nice. You look like a bum." I scoff "Really? Your the one who bought this for me." He glares at me and shakes his head.  
"Yes. But i didn't realize at the time you were going to wear those to school. Where your peers could see you look like this."

I throw my head back and laugh slightly. "What do you want me to wear then, huh?" He waves his hand at me glaring more. "Anything but that trash." I scoff again and glare back. "Trash? You do realize that i don't have anything else, right? Because you don't deem clothes a necessity that i should have privileged of all the time. and even then it's thrift shop clothes. "I can't exactly get Gucci at a run down thrift shop."

He runs his hands through his hair and growls. "Yeah, well. I'm not fixing to spend and insane amount on you when you can't even behave right." I shake my head at him and turn to walk away. "Whatever dad. Your just mad because i'm not wear button downs and tweed like you. By the way i won't be home for two hours after school since that's when i'll be help Mrs. Xian."

I walk out before he can say anything else. Why does he think he can tell me what i can wear? I realize i'm his son but he rarely even treats me like i am. So why now? Why, when i barely see him as it is, does he think he can tell me what i cant wear?

"Tch. Whatever." I lay on my back on my bed and sigh loudly hearing it echo in the room. I'm so tired. I wish there was a way to escape all of this and still be safe. I sit up suddenly and look at my computer in thought.

Maybe there is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... Cliff hanger! Lol, You'll learn about it the coming chapters.
> 
> I'll take good and bad feedback so give it to me.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My angst was starting to get a little low.  
> Had to fix that, lol.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter!

Chapter 7:

Changkyun's POV:

I walk through the school with my head down. My acne has hit a bad point again, and i don't know what to do about it. I've tried so many different products and I've tried to get my dad to take me to a doctor but he says it's not important enough.  
I roll my eyes as i walk into the music room. My dad is unsympathetic towards me at the moment and to be honest it shouldn't hurt anymore. I should be use to it but sometimes it stings when he shows it.

"You okay changkyun?" I look up to Mrs. Xian and grin at her. "No, Ma'am. I just don't know what to do about my acne anymore." She nods and walks over towards, when closer she takes my chin in hand and tilts my face side to side.  
"I might have something that will help with the scars at least. But the acne itself i don't know what to do with. I didn't have a lot of ache when i was your age."

I smile in thanks and walk over to the computer to mess with the music program she has me learning on. It's been a month and half and I've gotten it down pretty good. I can make pretty good beats now. But adding the right vocals or lyrics still gets me sometimes.  
Mrs. Xian says it takes time to learn all of it, but that i'm doing better than she expected. When she told me that i was so proud of myself, so happy.  
"Well let's get started then." I nod and we focus on the computer ignoring everything else.

 

* * *

 

"Thanks Mrs. Xian!" I yell out as i leave the classroom. While walking towards the school exit i see a group of boys and grit my teeth. I had hoped that the bullying would stop once i got older.  
But this group won't allow it. They keep finding little reasons one day it's his clothes, the next it's his hair, and the next its acne. He hopes they'll let him pass without problems. He really isn't in the mood to deal with this.

But of course my hopes go unheard and they walk toward him. he stop and just stares them down knowing this wasn't going to be pretty. Because these bullies were only like one other group.  
Most of my bullies were all talk, but the ones in america were violent. Just like theses guys.

"Hey freak." he just closes his eyes and counts down from 5. "Today really isn't the day guys." The ring leaders lets out a mocking laugh before turning serious. "It's whatever day i say it is freak." I drop my bag on the ground and sigh.  
"Fine. Get it over with." And they do, but what they don't expect is me fighting back. I'm so tired of being messed with. When the first hit was thrown i ducked and kicked at the persons legs trying to take at least one down with me.

Because i knew i was going down.  
I'm not a fighter.

And i don't clam to be a fighter. So if i can at least take one down with me, i'll be happy. And i do take one down with me. When i kicked his legs he stumbled back and hit a door jam hurting his head.  
But the leader and the other two were still here. And i tried, i really did, i swung fists and kicked as hard as i could. I even tried to bite a few. But it had no effect they still had me on the ground beating the shit out of me.  
It wasn't until they heard a door down the hall they stopped and left me there. And there is were i sat for what felt like hours. It's been awhile since I've been hurt like this.

I didn't miss it.

Finally i stand up, and grab my bag while as carefully as possible i start my walk to the bus. But of course luck wouldn't be with me. The bus drove away just as i rounded the corner, and i knew it wouldn't be back for another hour and half. I can make it home, hopefully, before that.  
So i start my way home limping with every step. At one point i just drag my bag not caring about the dirtiness it will certainly be when i get home or the rips and tears it might have.

I get strange looks but i ignore them and continue on. Finally what seems like forever i finally reach the road my house is on. I breathe a breathe of relief before realizing i don't have an explanation for any of this for my dad.  
I groan and stop outside my house. I can see his shadow pacing in the window of the living room. Waiting for me to get home. It's a lot later than i should have been home, A lot later, if the darkened sky is any showing of the time.

But i have to brave on and just go with what will come. I grab my bag where it was dragging on the ground and slowly make way inside. And sure enough i barely had enough time to get my shoes off before he was yelling. What's funny is he didn't even stop to see if i was okay seeing as how the bloody lip, bruised cheek, and swollen eye is quite easy to.

Also me walking towards him with a limp has no effect he just continues to scream about how late i am and how i'm completely useless to him. I used to ignore this and just stand there but the last couple times I've been fighting back.  
I don't know where all this fight came from, but its here and i'm going to use it. "Will you shut the fuck up?!"

He goes quiet staring at me in shock, I've only yelled at him twice before and I've definitely never cursed at him.  
"If you took a second and looked at me you'd know that me being late isn't my damn fault. But that would actually mean you would show some type of care for your son."  
I take a breath and look up to see him actually looking at me this time. His eyes widen when he takes in my state and steps towards me. But i back away and hold a hand out.

"Don't even try to act like you care. Because you don't. You've never cared about me. Solaria dieing wasn't my fault, yet everyday since the day of her funeral you've treated me like it was. I wasn't behind the wheel, i wasn't the one intoxicated. Mom was, not me. But you don't care because i share blood with that woman you automatically hate me. When you seem to forget i hold your blood to. I'M YOUR SON TO!"

My breathing is heavy and tears are spilling out burning my eyes and my lip when they hit it.  
"But you don't have to worry about that anymore. I promise." I turn and walk away not giving him a chance to talk.

I'm done.  
I'm officially done.

I walk to the bathroom to clean up. I look in the mirror and have to hold back a gasp. Maybe it was worse than they way it feels. My whole cheek is turning black and blue my lip is split wide open and my eye slowly swelling.  
As i pull off my shirt their are bruises forming along my ribs and spine. Once is trip my pants i stand in front of the mirror in only my boxers and see my outer thigh i also turning a dark black and blue. Their are cuts along my arms and my neck and i clean along with my eye and lip.

I hiss every once in awhile but at the end... It still looks bad. Whatever, It'll heal.

I carefully limp back to my room and change into some shorts and a t-shirt, hissing slightly at the pull on my rubs when putting the shirt on.  
I look over to my desk to the papers and a pen sitting ominously on my desk just beckoning me over. As i sit in front of them i sigh and know what i have to do. The only way i'm getting away from this is by doing what i know will probably cause more problems if anyone finds out.

But i'll take that risk.

I carefully sign the papers making sure the signature is perfect before blowing on it to make sure it drys and won't smear. After a minute i put it in a manila envelope with a tape and seal it.  
Tomorrow. I'll send it tomorrow.

As i lay in bed my body aching and sore.  
My mind battered and broken.  
My soul close to shredding.

  
I can't help but smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I really am but i had to do it. Really, i'm sorry.  
> But tell me what you think and like always if you see and typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Oh, and feedback i love feedback. Good or bad, I'll take it!
> 
> Thank you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to throw your heads for a spin.
> 
> And thank you to those who have helped with letting me know what I need to fix.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter, it rattled me writing this with my own past family issues.

**Changkyun's POV:**

The letter sit's heavily in my pocket. I keep putting my hand on my pocket reassuring myself that's its there. To be honest I don't even know what it says. But I'm lucky Mrs. Xian let my put her address down instead of mine because if dad found this letter all hell would break loose.  
I walk toward my house with bated breathe, knowing he wouldn't be there, but they're is always the chance that he changed his mind. When I walk up I see he's not there and sigh in relief.

I walk in the house and quickly walk to the kitchen and put the letter on the counter. I want to open it but I'm scared to. Because what this letter says will decide my whole future. I run my fingers across the lettering tracing 'Special-K' reverently.  
I slowly pick it up and open it. But I slam it down before pulling out the letter. I grab a soft drink out of the fridge and lean against while taking slow drinks. All the while glaring at the letter mocking me. Beckoning me to read it.

Later.

I walk away and go to take a shower, and maybe do my homework while I'm at it. I don't even get my clothes all the way off before I'm skidding back down the hallway, one arm out my shirt and my pants undone, to grab the letter and rip it out quickly reading it.

_ 'Lim Changkyun, _   
_ We are happy to inform you have passed your audition to gain the title as trainee in our company. Below is the address, and time in which we would like you...' _

I don't finish reading it before I'm jumping around yelling and laughing and of course I forget I'm partly undressed. I trip on my pants and land face first into the floor.  
But my laughing doesn't stop, the tears of happiness don't stop flowing and I damn sure don't stop gripping the paper for dear life. They believed my dad's signature. Yeah, I feel bad for forging his signature and all that.

But damnit, I deserve to be happy.  
I deserve to do what I want.

When all my life I've been beaten and broken down in ways a child should never have to. I had no control over my life growing up and now.

Now I have all the control and I'm taking it by the reins and running with it.

It's at this point I realize I'm still face first in the floor. I slowly get up making sure I didn't damage anything before running to my room. The letter says I have a week to get to Seoul and register with the company.  
I stop half way when I remember my dad. I don't want to just leave with no reasoning. But I know staying and telling him is not an option. He won't let me go. But if I'm already gone he won't come after me.

At least I hope so.

I sit on the side of the bed and groan putting my head in my hands. He's an asshole. He hasn't abused my physically but mentally and emotionally. He's messed me up just as bad as my moth- no that woman messed me up.  
But. Something in me feels bad for just leaving. I sit there for awhile just wanting someone to tell me what to do. Why can't I just be an ass like him and leave him? Ugh, I know why.

I stand and walk to the shower growling at my self for having a conscience and refusing to be like my parents.  
After my shower I eat before finishing packing. While going through the drawers I come across the picture I hid there so dad wouldn't take it from me like everything else.

It's my family before the accident. Mom and dad are sitting on the couch with mom holding solaria and dad has me sitting on his lap. What makes this picture so precious is mom and dad have their foreheads together smiling softly at each other, and I'm holding solaria's hand kissing it while she's smiling brightly back at me.

It was taken two weeks before she died.  
Two weeks before our family fell it pieces and I was left alone.

I pull the picture to my chest ignoring the tears. Knowing that I will always cry when it come's to my baby sister. It wont stop for a long time and I just have to live with it.  
I slowly drift off clutching the picture tears staining my face. My dreams haunted with my sister. Like they most likely always will be.

 

* * *

 

As I wait for a cab to take me to the bus station I stare at the red envelope in my hands. It holds everything my dad needs to know. Hopefully he'll understand and he'll leave me be.  
I hope he won't come after me. I'm praying he'll just let me be happy.

It's what I want.  
What I need.

I set it on my pillow and walk out closing the door behind me. He'll come looking for me only he wont find me. Only my letter.  
I walk out to the cab and hand the man the bag. Before I get in the cab I look back at the house I've never really called home. It was claimed to be my 'home' but it never felt like.

I sigh and sit back as the cab drives still clutching the letter in one hand and my photo in the other.

I didn't look back.

 

* * *

  
Third person's POV:

"Changkyun!" Changkyun's father walks up the steps he got back from his business trip two days again and hasn't seen changkyun at all. Which is normal but still he felt the need to check.  
"Hey, Changkyun. You in there?" He pushes the door open to see him not there. He turned to leave but stopped. Something wasn't right.

He turned back and walked more into the room. He noticed the drawers pulled open and empty. He noticed his shoes gone.  
He turned and noticed the envelope on the bed. He slowly walked over and grabbed with shaking hands. He didn't know why he was so scared but he was.

_'Hey dad._

  
_If you're reading this then you've finally realized that I'm gone. I'm pretty sure you ran late on your trip and only just got home. Which doesn't surprise me anymore._   
_But I bet your wondering what's going on, and why their's a letter here instead of me. Well dad._

_I'm gone._

  
_Which you've probably already figured out. But don't freak I'm not dead. I got accepted into a company for my music. No I'm not telling you which one._   
_But you probably don't care. That's fine but I'm not taking any chances. Also I am sorry to leave like this but I'm pretty sure you saw this coming._   
_I mean what's the point of me staying in a house with no love or support and a father who hates your very being. I'm not sorry that I'm gone. But you never forgave me for having her blood and you having to take care of me._

_So now I've given you a way to forget you have a son and to finally be rid of that part of your life._   
_Basically dad. Don't look for me. Don't._

  
_I don't want you to. I'm happy. Finally after so many years, I'm Happy! Give me this dad. You've never given me anything else I've wanted. But please. Give me this._   
_I have to leave soon so I'm gonna leave this here. Also I do love you. Even though you've messed me up just as bad as she did. I still love you. But I still hate you. I think I always will. But your my father, and I still love you whether you love me or not._

_Bye dad._

_Im Changkun'_

Tears fell from his face. He didn't mean for this to happen. He- he didn't..

He deserved this. He deserved his hatred, but he was happy for his sons love. Because he is his son. No if, and's, or buts Im Changkyun was his son. And he drove him away because of his pettiness.  
He smoothed out the letter he had crumpled in his fit of tears. Tears that were still falling and slowly staining his cheeks.  
Voice rough with tears he talked to the empty room "I'll give you this, changkyun. I'll let you be happy. But don't think I'm not still going to watch you. I messed up being your father. I blamed you for something that was never your fault. And one day. One day I will tell you."

He took a deep breathe and looked at his sons signature. "I promise you I will show you that I'm sorry. But right now we both need time. You to heal. and me to grow out of the past."  
He set the letter carefully on the bed before standing up and walking out the door. As he closed he looked at the letter sitting on the bed and knew that he would fix his mess ups.

They just had to heal from his mistakes.

And heal they will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let me know what you think and if you liked it.
> 
> And like always if you see and typos or missing words let me know.  
> Also I love the constructive criticism.
> 
> Thank you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I don't know much about Nu'bility.  
> So I'm gonna write how I feel their interactions will best fit with my story.  
> They may seem a little ooc, because I truly do not know much about them nor am I able to find much about them.
> 
> I hope you all like how I wrote them.

Changkyun's POV:

The first couple of months was pretty good. Just learning about how to act and not to act. What to say and what not to say. What to post on social media and what not to. What to wear and not to wear.  
Just little things like that.  
Now it's time to start learning to rap and dance better.

But it's been pretty good. I made friends with another trainee he's younger than me by two years, and a bit more touchy than I would like. But he's a good person. Speaking of him.  
"Changkyun Hyung!" I'm suddenly tackled from behind, usually I would throw him off and proceed to tell him he can't just tackle people. But I was in a good mood. His rap instructor told him he was getting better. So instead of throwing him I grabbed his thighs and hiked him up higher and spun as quickly as I can making jongyeon giggle.

"Hyung! You're gonna make me puke with all the spinning." I laugh lightly before tossing him off and then helping him back up. Ruffling his hair a little making him whine about just fixing it.  
"What was the reason for jumping me this time jongyeon?" He smiles at me and grabs my arm dragging me from where ever he came from. "Manager-nim wanted me to get you about something important. He wouldn't tell me exactly what though."

I continue to let him drag me smirking slightly at his excitable nature. I was sure I wouldn't make any friends because of my quiet and rest bitch face syndrome, that some of the other trainees have named. But then here comes Han Jongyeon who wouldn't take no for an answer. And I just didn't have the heart to ignore him.

_~~Flash Back~~_

_Two weeks into training I haven't made one friend or even really talked to anyone. To be honest it doesn't really surprise me. I'm not the most approachable._

_"Excuse me." I look up in surprise to see another trainee I'v noticed watching me lately._  
_"Hi! I wanted to introduce myself since I'm also new. I'm Han Jongyeon." I looked at him for a minute before bowing._  
_"I'm Im Changkyun." He nods at me making his tealish hair fly around his face. "I know. I've been wanting to talk to you, but I didn't know how." I nod before just turning away and going back to writing in my notebook, Or more accurately my lyric/rap book._

 _"What are you writing?" I let out a quiet sigh wondering what this kid wanted. "Just some lyrics and rap verses." He smiles and sits next to me on the ground. "I heard you were a rapper. I'm a dancer and singer." I nod before going back to ignoring him._  
_"Well. I'm glad I finally introduced my self to you. I have to go though, so I'll talk to you later." I just bow and watch him leave. I feel a twinge making me think I shouldn't have ignored him._  
_But ignore it thinking he just wanted someone to talk, and it'll probably be the last time to._

_I was wrong. It wasn't the last time. He talked to me again every day for a couple of weeks, before I finally started to actually talk back. And when I did he smiled so big I swear I was blinded for a moment._

_"You can call me hyung. I can't stand formalities sometimes." I play with my pen nervously for a second. "Especially with someone I consider a friend." I was suddenly tackled by a squealing and smiling jongyeon._  
_"I would love to call you hyung. Yay! I finally broke through that hard exterior you have."_  
_I just roll my eyes and pat his head. "If your gonna be my friend, your gonna have to understand I'm not a touchy feely person."_

_He just shrugs his shoulders, "I'll break that to." I smack him on top of his head. "I'm the hyung here, brat. You're not breaking anything." He just giggles and runs away making faces at me. I smile softly as he runs around the empty practice room._

_I finally made a friend._

_Suddenly I'm being tackled again, and before i can retaliate he's gone giggling and running again._

_Even if he's a brat._

_~~End~~_

He pulls me to the manager's office before pushing me inside and following. I put him in a headlock before I fully look around rubbig his hair roughly making him giggle and try to pull away  
"Will you stop pulling, and pushing. I mean for real you little brat." I hear a cough and see the manager smiling slightly and three other people in the room. I've seen them around but never really interacted with them much.

"Sorry, manager-nim." I bow still not letting go of jongyeon, "It's fine. But are you gonna let him go." I rub his head and make a thinking noise. "Maybe later." I shrug my shoulders he laughs lightly before coughing and clearing his throat.  
"Well I have some exciting news for all five of you." I finally let jongyeon go with playfully glaring and fixing his hair again. "Now this isn't definite we just want to try it out and see if it goes well. But we're gonna have you five start staying together and training together. We all think your talents all put together, plus the different personalities will go great together. And if all goes good you might debut. But hear the might."

Of course jongyeon doesn't care about the whole might not all he hears is that we probably will. I cover his mouth to quiet him down as the manager laughs at his excitable shouts.  
"But we will be moving you to another dorm that way it's like a fresh start. Now I will leave you all hear to get acquainted with each other." Once he leaves I let go of jongyeon and move slightly behind him. My quiet more reserved side coming into play when we're alone without the manager with these three other people.

Jongyeon claps his hands and bows grabbing my hand making me bow to "Well, I'm Han Jongyeon, and this is Im Changkyun. Don't worry about him being quiet and not talking much. He's a very reserved person to people he doesn't know. "It took me weeks to get him to talk to me properly." I poke him in the side making him giggle.

The one with dark brown hair steps forward and bows. "I'm Kwak Taehyuk." He points to the platinum blonde boy who also bows with a smile on his face "This is Park Byunghwa, and this is Shin Jeongwook." He points to the last boy with golden blonde hair. He bows too but with a straight face.

Jongyeon smiles and bows again. "So he said we all have talents and we should learn each others ages. I'm probably the youngest since I'm a '98 liner, and I'm also a dancer and vocalist, but changkyun's been teaching me a little rap here and there."  
I make a scoffing sound shaking my head. "You suck at rapping. But I'm a '96 liner, and rapper." Jongyeon whines and latches onto my arm wanting me to tell him that he's a good rapper, but I just ignore him and look at the others who are watching our interactions closely.

Taehyuk nods, "I'm the oldest since I'm a '91 liner, and I'm singer though I'm a decent dancer." He motions to byunghwa who steps forward next to him smiling brightly, "I'm the second oldest. I'm a '93 liner and I'm a singer and can only dance choreographed dances, I'm an okay rapper but I think I'll stick to singing."  
Jeongwook steps up and motions lazily with his hand. "I'm a '93 line but younger than byunghwa-ah. I'm also a singer and dancer."

I nod and continue to just stand there as jongyeon goes and interacts with them more talking about everything and anything. He also seem to have taken it upon himself to tell them more about me.  
"Changkyun doesn't like hugs or being touched much, but I just ignore that. and he also doesn't like yelling or loudness. But he puts up with me cause he loves me."

I make a scoffing sound and shake my head, "I never said I loved you." He puts his hand on his chest and makes an over dramatic face and noise. "But I'm your best friend! You have to love me." I laugh and grab his hand from his chest making him sit next to me on the couch that I just realized was there.  
"I also never said I was your best friend. You said that all on your own." He flops across my lap making me cringe as he rolls around on me. "I'm your only friend, which automatically gives me authority to be your best friend."

I sigh dramatically before pushing him off me. "I guess I can put up with you being my best friend." I can't help but smile softly when he jumps up and fist punches the air.  
I don't realize the others have been watching everything between us closely. I'm to busy focusing on jongyeon. He might hurt himself with how clumsy he can be. I quickly kick a chair out of his way as he runs past me again.

"Jongyeon. Calm down before you get hurt again and can't dance." He nods and goes back to talking to the other. I just sit back and watch them making sure nothing it said to him. The kid may not seem like it, but he does have a soft heart. The mangers comes back after awhile and tells where our apartment is and when we can move in.

"So, How about we help each other move our stuff in. Because I don't know about you guys but I'm gonna need help moving all of my stuff." Everyone agrees but I hold my hand up catching everyone's attention.  
"I won't need help. All I have is a duffel bag, and my pillow and blankets." I don't look at any them because I don't want to see the reactions on their faces.

The trainees I'm staying with now look at me with pity when they see that I only have a duffel bag.  
"Okay, that's fine. You can help me move my stuff! Because I have a lot to."  
I nod and say I'll get my stuff real quick since i don't have much anyhow.

 

* * *

 

"How long have you been friends with him jongyeon-ah?" Taehyuk asks the now maknae who watches the door sadly.  
"For a couple months now. He never talks about his family, but he does carry a picture in his wallet. I've seen it once, and it was on accident." Taehyuk nods and goes to talk but jongyeon continues "He's not like other boys his age or any other I've met here. It took awhile be he stopped flinching when anyone, even me, would go to touch him. He also hates small spaces. And he never calls home or buys things. He only eats on what the company gives as allowances."

Taehyuk looks at the other two who are looking between jongyeon and the door changkyun left out of. "It took awhile to becomes his friend and even then he was still guarded. Even now he is but not as bad as he use to be though. He just needs to be loved and protected, and I'm gonna give him that even though I'm younger."

He nods his head firmly before bowing and leaving the room without another words. "Well, looks like we're gonna have to work on changkyun the most so he becomes comfortable with us."  
Taehyuk agrees with byunghwa and jeongwook sighs loudly. "I hope he doesn't make this too hard. From watching him around with Jongyeon he seems like a good kid."  
They all agree that they will work to make changkyun trust them. Not because of debuting but because he just seems like he needs friends and people he can call on when he needs it.

 

* * *

 

 

Changkyun finishes packing what little he has before sitting on his bed one last time. He takes out the picture in his wallet and runs his fingers over his baby sister.

"I'm almost there solaria."

He smiles and nods his head. He'll make it, he just knows it. As he returns the picture and grabs his bag he knows he'll do anything to make sure he debuts. especially with Jongyeon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did you guys like it?
> 
> I hope it was okay. I'll be showing his interactions between each member, and how the group fits together. But it's not gonna take a lot of chapters because I'm not really familiar with Nu'bility.
> 
> But like always if you see any typos or missing words let me know and I'll fix it.  
> Thank you.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the walls are breaking and the groups getting closer.
> 
> I had a really hard time writing this, but I love how it's all turned out.
> 
> I hope you all like it to.

Changkyun's POV:

I watch byunghwa move around the kitchen cooking a meal for all of us. It's been a couple of weeks since we moved in together, and I still only really relax with jongyeon.  
But he told me I need to interact more and open up if I want to be able to debut with him and the rest of the members. So I decided to work with one member at a time. Byunghwa just happens to be the first one I came across.

"Umm, Byunghwa shi?" I scratch my neck nervously when he turns to me with surprise seeing as I don't usually go out of my way to talk to them.  
"I- uh, I know how to cook. So I was wondering if you'd like any help." The smile he gave me made me feel the same warmth I felt the day i decided to let jongyeon in.

"I would love that Changkyun ah, and enough with the formalities. It's hyung now since we're going to be together for a long time." I nod my head and start chopping what he tells me to.  
We talk a lot during the cooking, and I begin to realize he's really easy to talk to. And it's not like he's making me he's just stating a couple of things here and there that keep my attention.  
But it's soothing being able to cook again, and even better when it's not just for myself. Soon everything is done and he's calling everyone to sit and eat.  
"Thank you Byunghwa ah." He smiles and thanks them before pointing at me. "I wasn't the only to make dinner tonight changkyun ah helped me make dinner to."  
They all look at me in surprise before jongyeon pouts at me, "Why didn't you tell me you could cook? How did you even learn how to cook?" I laugh and ruffle his hair, but I don't think about the words that come out of my mouth.

"The only way I could eat was if I cooked for myself." I don't even realize what I said until i hear complete silence, and then I wince once I do.  
"Eh, It's just something I picked up." I keep my eyes down and my body tense and hope they don't say anything. Praying they don't.

And they don't thankfully.

"Well it looks delicious. Thank you both for cooking." taehyuk breaks the awkward silence and everyone begins to eat praising us both on it.  
I watch them from under my bangs and can't help but be thankful they didn't pry. I don't think I could tell them. At least not yet. We're not close enough for that.

I smile at jongyeon as he makes a mess accidentally and without a thought reach over and help him clean it up. I adore jongyeon and I would do anything to make sure he's happy.

 

* * *

 

My next chance came with Taehyuk. I was trying to learn the new Super Junior dance. I'm not able to do it correctly and it was driving me crazy.  
"You're not bending your knees right when your doing the leaning back." I look up and meet taehyuk's eyes in the mirror. I flush and look down at my legs while scratching my neck nervously.

"Ca-can you help me? I want to be able to dance this with jongyeon seeing as he loves them so much." He looks at me closely before nodding his head and walking over to me.  
"Yeah, I'll help you. You really care for him, huh?" I watch as he does the move before trying to copy him and answer. "I do really care for him. He was the only one who tried and continued to try and get to know me."

After that we just continue with the dance and I notice that through out him teaching me. He never get upset or aggravated when it takes a bit longer than it should for me to get the dance down.  
"So you want to move your legs like this. Yes. Good job. It has to be a smooth transition or it won't look as good." I smile brightly as I finally get the dance down. I look up at him and notice he looks stunned for a second, I wonder why for a second before I notice the clock on the wall.  
1:08 A.M.  
"Oh, It's so late." Taehyuk shakes his head before looking at the clock as well. "Shit! Byunghwa is gonna be so mad. We gotta go." We quickly gather all our things, and put the equipment back where we took it out from.  
As we leave he grabs my bag from me when he see's me struggling slightly. "Ah. No taehyuk shi. You don't have too. I'll be okay." He just gives me this looks before continuing on ignoring my words.

I run after him but give up trying to get my bag back. "So, how did you decide to become a trainee here? And no more shi crap." I look up slightly shocked at the question and statement not really expecting it. But i shake my head and focus on the question. Only I don't really want to answer but I feel like I should.  
"It's the only way I'd get out from under my fathers thumb." There a simple answer with no real meaning behind it. A lot of trainees become actual trainees for that exact reason too.

He nods as we walk up the stairs to our dorm. It was only a short walk from the company.  
"Ah. And you mother?" I tense and almost stop walking but I make myself continue to walk not noticing his stare suddenly become's piercing.  
"She's not in the picture, so she won't really care." He seems to realize I don't want to talk about it so he doesn't push.

"By the way. No more of that -shi stuff. It's hyung, okay? We're gonna be together for awhile if I have anything to say about it, and it would be weird if you called me so formally."  
I smile slightly at that. My body untensing as we walk up to the door. Before we even get all the way to the door byunghwa-hyung is standing there hands on hips glaring fiercely.

Taehyuk hyung laughs lightly scratching the back of his head and looks down at me for help. But I just shrug my shoulders and slip behind him letting him take the brunt of hyungs anger.

But I can't help but smile. Because these two are funny when they're arguing. I look around taehyuk and see jongyeon looking from behind bwunghwa. When he makes eye contact he smiles brightly and wiggles his fingers at me making me laugh and sink back behind taehyuk in fear of hyungs anger.

 

* * *

 

I look up and flinch slightly seeing jeongwook standing there watching me as I was doing pull ups. I don't usually work out, But I do a bit to make sure i don't gain to much weight.  
"If you don't straighten your elbows when you start it's going to put more strain on your muscles." I blink slightly surprised that he said anything, But nodded none the less and started like he said.

"Why are you even working out in the first place? You don't have an ounce of fat on your bones. Hell, your nothing BUT skin and bones." I do flinch this time.

Because he's right.

I haven't been eating. A couple of the trainees were talking about how my thighs were getting to big, and they didn't understand why the managers were letting me even try to debut with how I look.  
"It's because of those idiot trainees isn't it. If you actually listened to them then you're more stupid than I thought."

I look down and nod my head slightly. "I'm sorry jeongwook shi." I hear him let out a rough sigh before hearing him walk towards me. I can't help but start to shake slightly, and when he puts his hand on the back of my neck i know he didn't miss the harsh flinch that went through my body expecting to be hit.

"Jesus kid, I'm not going to hit you. Not only would i never do something like that without and absolute reason but byunghwa hyung would beat my ass."  
I look up at him to see his once hard eyes looking at me with a new softness. He doesn't let go of my neck. Instead he squeezes lightly and for some reason it helps me relax.

He smiles at me before shaking his head and pulling me to lay my forehead on his chest. I usually don't let anyone but jongyeon touch me but for some reason I can't help but just relax into it.  
"There are some things you gotta know about me and the other changkyun ah." I push myself closer to him without thinking about it making him laugh softly. The rumble he makes in his chest makes those last dredges of nerves disappear.

"We will never hit you out of anger or just because. We will yell and we will scold you. We're your hyungs and we're a group, that's our job. But we won't hit you. Also we don't care for formalities. So no more -shi crap, alright?"  
I nod against his chest and he moves his hand from my neck to rub through my hair and his other arm to wrap around my shoulders.

"Also, we don't know what happened to you. We don't want to know either. No. Actually we do want to know. But we're not gonna rush you to tell us, nor are we going to force you."  
I hear the door to the exercise room open, and I go to move but he won't let me. So I don't struggle and just let everything happen.

"We will always protect you AND jongyeon. Your both precious to us. And the fact that you listened to those idiotic, jealous trainees means we haven't been doing our job."  
He allows me to pull back but makes me look him in the eye. "But do know one thing. Over these last couple months getting to know you and breaking down your walls, we have seen nothing that makes us dislike you. No, we're only seen things that make us care for you more."

He suddenly smirks "We've also seen how you pretend to not like being touched. So do expect to hugged a lot more. Because me and Byunghwa love cuddles." I shake my head lightly laughing before I'm hugged from behind.  
"See changkyunnie hyung, I told you that you could trust them." I laugh and look over my shoulder at jongyeon.  
"Yeah, you did tell me that." He just smiles brightly at me before it melts away into a glare. "Now what idiot trainees is hyung talking about?"

I just shake my head and laugh because his glaring is like kitten trying to be a lion. I tell him as much, which of course makes him pull out the puppy dog eyes and try to make me say that he is scary.  
I laugh and dodge out of the way of his hands. I didn't see the way jeongwook smiled so full of love and adorement.

 

* * *

 

Late that night everyone was in the living room sitting around talking. Well, they were talking I was watching and thinking. I liked these guys. I could even say I was growing to love them.  
Just like jongyeon they broke down my walls one by one and dug themselves deep into my heart, and to be honest I don't see them leaving.

So before I can rethink it I clear my throat catching their attention and quickly put down the picture I carry everywhere with me. I step back and look away and rub my hands together waiting for their questions.

"What's this changkyun ah?" I swallow and look at byunghwa hyung.  
"They used to be my family." I see questions and the confusion on their faces, but ignore it and continue on. "That is my father, mother and-" I stop talking struggling slightly, "Th-that was my ba-baby sister. Solaria"

Jongyeon looks closely at the picture then at me. "What do you mean was?" I sigh and sit down on the floor before talking. I tell them everything. From the accident that took my sister to me leaving my father. I leave nothing out. Because I only wanted to do this once.  
By the end of it I'm staring at the floor refusing to look up holding back the tears. I hear their harsh breathing and jongyeons suppressed sobs. Suddenly I'm engulfed in warm arms that are shaking heavily. That's not the end and soon I'm completely surrounded and for the first time since my sisters death.

I feel completely safe.  
I've felt happy.  
Never safe.

"I'm so sorry changkyun ah" Byunghwa hyung puts his hand on either side of my face staring at me with red rimmed eyes and tears staining his face. I feel my own tears start to spill.  
I want to stop them but I can't because hyung is wiping them away cooing softly and pulling me to him. "I'll- No. We will never let anything happen to you again. You're ours now changkyun, just like we are yours. And you will always be safe with us."

And just like that I truly let go in a way I never have before, and my hyungs and jongyeon are there to hold me through it all. Two words are all I utter before sleep consumes me.

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let me know what you think.  
> And like always if you see any missing words or typos let me know.
> 
> Thank you.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a lot shorter then the chapters have been lately and that's only because Nu'bility is coming to a close and i don't want to drag it out.
> 
> So I hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Changkyun's POV:**

 

"Jongyeon! I am not your chair." I push at my maknae who won't let go of me or get off my lap.  
"I want cuddles hyung" I growl lowly and just give up because I know there's no way he's letting me go. I hear a chuckle and whip my head around to glare at taehyuk hyung.

"You could help me hyung." He shakes his head and turns back to my other to hyungs like nothing ever happened. I roll my eyes knowing I should have expected that.  
"Why do you always have to cuddle me? You have three other hyungs. Why me?" He giggles while looking at me like I'm crazy.  
"Because your his favorite, kyunnie. Shouldn't you know this by now." I roll my eyes jeongwook hyung making him chuckle as he comes over and flops beside me laying his head on my shoulder making me groan.

"Why why why. What is it about me that makes you touch me?" hyung just curls closer into my shoulder while yeonie giggles and I just let out a sigh, and let them be.  
Because even though I act like I don't like we all know that I really do like it. The three of us watch the other two dance to whatever dance their doing. To be honest I don't even think they know what they're doing.

We all laugh when byunghwa hyung trips over his feet and lands face first.  
"Your so clumsy byungie" Taehyuk helps him making sure he didn't hurt himself. Hyung just glares at him playfully while huffing at the three of us on the couch who are still dieing of laughter.  
"You three think this is so funny, huh?" We stop as we notice the look on his face as he walks closer. Without a second thought we take off trying to get as far from him as possible.

"Oh ho, where do you think you're going?" And just like that the chase is on. The practice room is filled with giggles and shouts of laughter. Soon it turns into a free for all and everyone is chasing everyone.  
We go for hours just playing and laughing. At one point I stop and lean onto a wall and watch my members playing, and I can't help but smile softly at them.

Soon the playing comes to and end and we're all laying on the floor breathing heavily and smiling brightly. "That was fun." They all laugh slightly at my admission.  
"Yeah it was. We should do that again sometime." Everything's quiet before we all start laughing again for no reason.  
"We should probably get home and rest we have to get out hair done tomorrow." We all agree and follow byunghwa as we clean up and leave.

 

* * *

 

 

"But why blonde? I'm gonna look horrible!" jeongwook sighs and puts his hands on my shoulders.  
"I know you don't like this idea but it'll be fine. You'll see. Plus if it doesn't look good they won't make you keep it. You know that."

I throw my head back and groan before nodding and letting him me back to the amused stylist and snickering members.  
"Oh keep snickering I can't wait to see your hair. Seeing as you haven't even found out your hair styles," I see them pale before turning to their stylist's who just smile and shake their heads.

"Ha! They're not even going to tell you." Jongyeon sticks his tongue out at me before following his stylist whining about how he needs to know 'for the sake of everything holy' or some other crap. But of course his stylist is just ignoring him like the rest of us do when he gets like this.  
"Well lets get this over with, kyunnie." I groan lowly and sit in front of my stylist staring mournfully at my black hair.  
"Good bye my beautiful black locks." My hyungs all laugh loudly at me making me grin slyly. I love making them laugh even if its at me.

After a the whole day its dark out when we all finish because apparently bleaching from dark to light takes forever even on two of our group who didn't go completely blonde.  
I look at my members and mentally calm them assholes. Taehyuk has a more honey blonde, Byunghwa has a more auburn look. While me, jeongwook, and jongyeon have a variety of bleach blonde.   
Mine more yellow, jeongwook has a white blonde, and jongyeon is blonde it's not staying hat color. Their letting it breath a bit before they add the other color on top of it so it doesn't kill his hair completely.

They all look good while I look a wanna be american. I run my hands through my hair sighing softly. Well at least I can cross being blonde off my bucket list. I snort knowing I don't even have a bucket list but apparently mentally I put being blonde on it.

"Let's go eat and cheer up our now blonde kyunnie." I look at byunghwa who is smirking at me when I sneer at him. Jeongwook slings his arm over my shoulders grinning.  
"It doesn't look that bad. I mean. It could look better, but at least it isn't like fire engine red." I tilt my head slightly before nodding. They're right. I don't know what I would have done if they put fire engine red hair on me.

"Ramen! I want ramen." I take off dragging the now giggling jongyeon -why does he always giggle?- The hyungs laugh loudly before chasing after yelling about how we're soo not eating ramen.

We end up eating ramen.

I smirk at the hyungs who are eating yet playfully glaring at me every once in awhile. "I like ramen." taehyuk snorts and shakes his head at me. I turn and watch jongyeon who is playing with his chopsticks trying to make jeongwook laugh while byunghwa hyung tries, and fails, to make them listen and stop playing.

I like this. Just sitting around and eating together like a... Like a family. I watch as they all laugh and smile at each other and can't help but hope and pray that we'll never separate. That we'll always be together.

Even though I know it won't happen. Nothing ever lasts forever. Not for me. Never for me.  
But I ignore that feeling. I ignore the voice in the back of my head whispering that it's all going to end.

Because it may end.  
But they will still be my family.

"Hyung! That was my last piece of chicken. Give it back!" I smile cheekily at jongyeon and make a big show of chewing and swallowing it before smirking.

"Make me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how as it? I hope it was okay.
> 
> But any who, like always if you see any typo's or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! This chapter made me so upset.
> 
> But we can finally get to were we need to go.  
> Let me know what you think.

**Changkyun POV:**

I watch the managers talking to each other and I can tell it's not good by their facial expressions. As I turn and look at taehyuk hyung I see the worried expression on his face.  
"Taehyuk hyung, What's wrong?" He sighs and looks down before motioning me to follow him to a more private section of the room.  
"I've been hearing rumors that the company's going under." The shock must show on my face because he puts his hands on my shoulders and smiles sadly.

"We'll be fine kyunnie. Just don't tell the others okay. Jeongwook is catching on too it. But I'd like to keep from telling them until we know if it'e true. Okay?"

I look at my hands and breathe heavily but I nod my head anyway agreeing knowing its best. Because byunghwa hyung and jongyeon sometimes get over emotional and we really don't need that right now.  
"I won't tell them hyung. And if I hear anything else I'll come straight to you." He pats my cheek softly and walks over to the other members who just walked in.

I take few moments to collect myself before I join them. I don't give my managers another look trying not to get upset. Instead I challenge jongyeon to a rap battle. That both of us know he's going to lose, but I promised to do a dance battle with him after so fairs fair.

 

* * *

 

Slowly over time we see the other trainees leaving and I see byunghwa start realizing what's going on. Jongyeon still hasn't noticed, and that's mostly because we're blocking it from him. But sooner or later we're gonna have to tell him.  
We had just got back from preforming 'special girl' when jongyeon realized and not in a way we wanted him to find out.

"Hyung's! What's going on? I was just told by another trainee that I should get ready to be kicked out like everyone else. Why would he say that?" I quickly look at taehyuk and notice the grimace on his face.

"This is now how I wanted to tell you jongyeon. But lets wait till we get to the dorm before we have this conversation." the maknae wants to argue but he won't because he understands something wrong.  
"Here yeonie, I'll give you a piggy back ride." I turn and let him hop on my back and clutch his thighs tightly. This is going to be hard.

 

* * *

  
Once we get home I head straight for the kitchen to make some snacks for us, because I can't see jongyeon's face when hyung tells him everything. As I make the food I feel a hand on the back of my neck and look up to see jeongwook smiling sadly.  
I return the look and continue making the food. I hear raised voices in the living area but I ignore and continue making the food. Hyung hasn't left but he moved to lean next to me on the counter.

"We'll be okay kyunnie." I nod but don't look up at, afraid if I look at him the tears I've been holding back will flow freely when I don't want them to. He brushes my hair softly to give me silent comfort.  
I just finish the food when jongyeon rushes into the kitchen and wraps me in a hug from behind. I squeeze my eyes closed tightly and put my hand on top of his arms.

We stand that way for a moment before I turn in his arms to hold him back. I see the tears running down his face and fight even harder so my own don't join his. jeongwook wraps his arms around us both bringing us close to his chest.  
"We'll be alright. Even if special k drops us we'll stay together. We have to." I don't respond and neither does jongyeon.

Because we know that, even as he's trying to reassure us, we're going to be torn apart just like every other group that this has happened to.

And there's nothing we can do to stop it.

Soon our other two hyungs join in on the cuddle pile that we move to the floor of the kitchen. Jongyeon's tears slowly stop but he still doesn't talk. Which is fine because I think the talking is over. There is nothing more to say.

 

* * *

  
I hate being right.

I hate that I was waiting for this to happen. That the other shoe was going to drop. I just didn't realize it would end like this. I wish it hadn't ened like this.  
How could they just tears us apart like this? I watch my members with tears in my eyes as my car drives away with me and my things inside away from the people I once called a family.

They didn't even give us a warning. Just that some of us were moving companies and the others contracts were being terminated. How could they? We did everything we could and they still just threw us away like we were nothing.  
I growl and hit the seat next to me catching the drivers attention but I ignore him. They said I was going to starship and that they were a better fit for me anyhow. But I don't care about fit or anything other than being separated from my members.

Especially jongyeon.

I don't lift my head or even bothering watching anything but my hands as they shake and ball in and out of fists. I want to hit something. But I refrain, because no matter how mad I am I will never resort to violence. That's not who I am. And never will be.  
As we pull up out side of the company I want to refuse to enter the company, to actually accept this. But I remember what jongyeon said to me..

**~Flash Back~**

_"Hyung?" I look up from my bag that I was packing to see a teary eyed maknae look at me from. I open my arms for him and he rushes into them without a second thought._   
_"What is it yeonie?" He sniffles slightly and grips my shirt in both fists._

_"You have to promise me something." I pull back to look into his face. It tilt my head to the side and wait for him to continue._   
_"Even though you're angry with us being separated, that you won't mess anything up at starship. Because out of all of us, you deserve to debut or even just be a trainee."_

_He pushes his pointer finger in my chest. "People don't see it because they don't know you, But I do. I know you better than anyone else. And I know for a fact you have a bad temper. So you have to promise not to let yourself give into your temper and mess anything us at starship. They didn't do anything special k did."_

_I growl sit on my bed with my head in hands. He pushes his finger through my hair and snickers for some reason making me look up. "Good thing is you can get rid of this horrid blonde." I smile despite myself and hake my head._   
_"Your just jealous that I look better than you." He laughs and finishes helping pack my bag. I hug my hyungs tightly. Me being the first to leave is both hard and easier. Because not only do I not have to watch them leave but I know that they will have to watch me leave and soon only one will remain here._

_Before I get into the car waiting for me my arm is tugged on by jongyeon._

_"Hyung, you never promised." I see the others look at us confused and I sigh holding out my pinky finger for him to take._   
_"I, Im Changkyun, promise to not let my temper, or myself, mess up my chance at starship. I also promise to call you or the hyungs if it gets to hard or I just want to talk to someone."_

**~End~**

I smirk and shake my head. Seeing him smile at me for making that promise is what gets me to move out of the car and greet the men in front of my and they talk to me about the contract and were I'll be staying.

I look at my hand were a simple silver ring sits that all of us (now disbanded) Nu'biliy members have and smile. I'll make them proud. I won't let this chance pass me by.

As it may be my last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked.
> 
> And like always let me know if you see any typos or missing words.
> 
> Thank you!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Another chapter so quickly, But I got hit by inspiration, and I wanted to show an interaction or a 'knowing' of each other before No.Mercy  
> Plus i would have never came up with this chapter without my beta's (IguessIllchangeitlater) help.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Side note: Remember that they will be a little OOC.

**Changkyun's POV:**

I watch the other trainees around me. I want to interact with them but I know it's best if I don't. It's been a couple months since I got here and my temper is still simmering. I'm keeping to my promise but damn if it isn't hard.  
I know the other trainees have noticed that I don't try to talk to them and that sometimes I go out of my way to ignore them. But I really don't care. They're a couple of trainees that I wouldn't mind talking to, even a few I really want to talk to.

I aww the two rappers that I've been watching lately do a mock rap battle together. I can't help but smile slightly being reminded of jongyeon. Though they are both good rappers where jongyeon has no idea what he's doing.  
"Gunhee! Jooheon!" I turn too, a tall willowy model like guy walks so gracefully over to the two rappers. When he gets close he drapes himself over jooheon with a laugh as the other just readjusts himself to a more comfortable position with the tall bean pole now attached to him.

I watch as they laugh and joke around wishing I could join, but thinking that it's best I stay in my little corner of isolation with my lyrics and phone games. I turn away from the later and pure happiness radiating from the other side of the room.  
By the time I look back up I notice that the bean pole, now called hyungwon from what jooheon said, is gone and so is gunhee. They are replaced by three others. One is tall and willowy like hyungwon but more bubbly, another is tall to but he is more buff than the first one. And the last one isn't tall but isn't short either. But he is buff as hell.

Like really.

I mean my head is the size of one of his biceps. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's how it looks from my own head. I watch as they interact with jooheon and how the tall one, who just got yelled at by the shorter one and is now named minhyuk, flops on the other tall one laughing loudly and high pitched.  
The buff one grab jooheon in a head lock as he makes a joke about him gain weight. "Hoseok hyung! You're gonna make my head pop! Hyunwoo hyung, get him off of me." I snicker quietly to myself as the tall buff one grabs the shorter buff on and pulls jooheon to him.

I look at my phone and wonder if I should message my own hyungs and dongsaeng, but decide not to since I know they're all busy lately. With a sigh I turn back to my lyrics not looking back up at the play fighting going on.  
I don't want to be sad. I'll just get even more mad the longer I watch them. The anger will be misplaced on people who don't deserve it. So like I said it's best if I just stay away from people.

I get up with my things and quickly leave the room to get away from the all the laughter, but of course my clumsy self isn't watching where I'm going and I run right into someone.  
"Ah! I'm so sorry." I bow to the guy and pick up the bag he dropped handing it to him without looking up from the ground.

"Eh, it's alright, I wasn't watching either. You didn't get hurt did you." I shake my head quickly before meeting eyes with the other guy that I've noticed. Yoo Kihyun. He's one of the people I've wanted to get close to. But his personality sometimes intimidates me.  
"No, I'm alright. But I have to go. I'm glad I didn't hurt you." Without another word I walk briskly away from the other boy.

You have to stay away, changkyun. I shake my head and walk even faster not noticing the look the other gave me at my fast exit.

Stay away.

 

* * *

 

"Why are you even training to be an idol? You do realize you have to interact with other people, right? You can't be some antisocial freak." I sigh and roll my eyes ignoring the idiot behind me. I've been doing this exact same thing for weeks now.  
But the idiot doesn't seem to take a hint. I watch the guy in front of me as he glares and continues to talk. Every word he says I've heard before so it does absolutely nothing.

Weirdo.  
Freak.  
Bastard.  
Antisocial.

Yada yada yada. You'd think after a couple of years they would get new insults, but no one ever said bullies have brains.  
I raise my eyebrow at the guy making him angrier. He does what he always does which balling his fists up and growls lowly before stomping away, angry that he didn't get a reaction he wanted. I just chuckle once he's far enough away.

You would think he'd learn. But nope. The same thing every few days for weeks. It is annoying, but I just do what I do best. Put on a emotionless face and blank eyes.  
Every once in a while when I'm in a mood like now. I'll raise an eyebrow, wave my hand, or just roll my eyes and walk away waving goodbye as he frothed at the mouth at my easy dismissal. It makes my days a little brighter to get at him.

But of course he would pick today of all days to really push my buttons.

"Hyung!" I look up just in time to catch my idiot who is laughing gleefully. I grin to and hug him tightly too me. I ignore the looks being thrown around the room. I'm known as being antisocial, and it's best to just leave me alone. They've never seen me interact with anyone other than the company people.  
"I've missed you so much! It feels like years since I last saw you and it's only been a couple of weeks. But I have so much to tell you. And the other hyungs said to tell you they love you and will come to see you soon."

I cover jongyeons mouth after pulling away and hold up a finger making him stop talking and take a deep breath. I take my hand away and he just grins and hugs me again.  
"First of all, Calm down, I got what you said. But if you keep talking this fast you are going to hyperventilate. Second, I missed you to. And finally, How did you get in here when your not a member of starship."

He shoves his visitor pass in my face making me chuckle at his excitement. "One of the company employees said it's allowed as long as I don't interrupt the other people's training."  
I grin and we begin talking about anything and everything. And for once my attention isn't on people I've spent months watching day in and out. So I don't notice that idiot getting madder by the second.

"You really need to start interacting with others, hyung. People are going to start to resent you. especially if happen to debut at any time." I roll my eyes and just put him in a headlock making him squeal.  
"I'll talk to other people when you or one of the others join and take the awkwardness out of meeting new people." He laughs and pulls away from me while starting a wrestling match.  
It ends, somehow, with on what? On my stomach, and him sitting cross legged on my back going through my lyric book.

"Ah, Hyung, we should have a rap battle! I'll definitely win if you let me use one of these." I laugh and buck him making him squeal, again, when he falls to the side. I grab my book and flip to one of my easier of my raps. Not to much English and doesn't need to be spoken to fast.

"Let's go." We sit across from each other and just go back and forth. I quickly win making him pout at me. But he gets over it pretty fast when I show how to say certain things in English.  
Of course though, my happiness with jongyeon can't last with that idiot here.

"Well, well, well. The freak has friends. At least it's another freak." I can't ignore that. I can ignore him saying things about me but not about jongyeon. So with out a second thought I'm up and in his face glaring heavily, catching him off guard.  
"Say something about him again. I dare you. Say what you want about me. I don't care. But say something about him and I will give you the reaction you so desperately want." I'm not a violent person. I hate violence it, reminds me of my mother to much.

Luckily jongyeon knows this, "Hyung, don't. Remember what you promised. We both know he's just an idiot saying thing to seem all big and bad. So let's just leave and go somewhere else." He pulls on my arm, dragging me away from the guy.  
I don't see the other trainees watching everything closely. They don't seem to know what to do. I may be antisocial and quiet, but I've never responded to this idiot before. I've never even hinted at being annoyed.

But then jongyeon shows up and I'm standing toe to toe with the same guy who has said some pretty bad stuff about me. The idiot quickly gets his bearings back and sneers at jongyeon.  
"Shut up, you little brat. Why are you even here? Little freaks like you shouldn't be here, just like this one." He waves his arm at us and I go to lunge forward again making him go on the defensive, but of course jongyeon gets in front of me and pushes me back.

"Hyung, don't. Seriously, It's fine." And then my little yeonie turns and pushes his visitor pass into the idiots face."I was told I could be here to visit my hyung. I don't know why it's any of your business. When we want nothing to do with a idiotic bully like you. So why don't you run off and take your negativity somewhere else. Because I won't stop him forever."

The idiot doesn't know when to stop, does he. "Who the hell are you calling an idiot, you bastard." He pushes yeonie into me and without a second thought I pull jongyeon behind me and launch at him.  
My first punch hits solidly and sends him backward, but he hits back and soon an all out brawl between us starts. After a few minutes we're pulled off each other, and I can proudly say he looks worse than me at the moment.

I can feel the blood pouring form my lip and nose, and lets not even go over the pain in my side and stomach. Jongyeon is in front of me, as soon as I stop struggling against the people who are holding me, wiping away the blood.  
Of course the idiot keeps yelling and just making me madder. "If you don't want me to beat your ass again I suggest you shut the fuck up!" He quiets down when the people around him pull him out before he can respond.

I grab jongyeons hand and pulled him to me. "I didn't hurt you when I moved you out of the way, right?" He just giggles at me while stroking my cheek and now wiping the blood away with a cloth he got from somewhere. I don't bother asking questions other than if he's okay.

"I'm fine, hyung. But you didn't need to do that. I was fine." I sneer aggravating my lip, making him tut at me, "Like hell was he gonna get away with putting his hands on you, I was ignoring his words. But the minute he pushed you my temper was lost." I don't see one of the managers come in or that he was listening to us along with three of the guys earlier and kihyun from the hallway.

"You know, I think it was a bad idea for the hyungs to teach you how to fight." He rubs my cheek again before giggling "But then again with your temper and protective streak it's best if you know how to protect yourself, huh?" I just chuckle and lean my head on his chest letting him hug my head.  
"He had it coming to be honest. I've been dealing with his shit for weeks now. Sooner or later it was going to come to a blow. Luckily, or sadly, it happened with you here."

He just hums softly, swaying side to side. "So, yeonie, how much trouble do you think I'm going to be in?" I feel him shrug his shoulders before the managers I still hadn't noticed speaks up,  
"You're only in trouble for fighting with him. Your not in trouble for protecting your dongsaeng, and seeing as everyone I've spoken to vouched that you didn't start any of this. You're not being kicked out or suspended. You only have to clean the practice rooms for the next month."

I stand and bow agreeing with him, with the tiniest bit of surprise that others vouched for me. I guess he sees my surprise.  
"Don't look surprised, changkyun ah. Plus even if no one had vouched for you, we would have known you weren't at fault. He has had so many people complain about him, and putting into account your past, we would have known he started all of this. And besides we spent a lot of money getting you from Special K, being in the top of rappers in our company, there is no way we were letting you go. When all he can do is look pretty."

I don't see the other fours look of surprise at the managers statement. I only see jongyeon throwing his head back, laughing loudly. "He won't be looking pretty anymore." I laugh with him and pull him into a hug, ignoring the pain in my side.

"Now let get you to a doctor to make sure you're not to hurt. And thank you boys for helping pull him of that idiot." I see the four boys and surprise colors my face. But I attempt to bow and thank them. And of course it hurts to damn much to bend. The sound I let out makes jongyeon scold me and pull my arm over his shoulder too dragging me out of the room with the manager following.

All the four hear as the door close is my loud exclamation.

"And who is the hyung between us? I mean you may be a little more buff than me now, but damnit I'm still an inch or  two taller and I'm older."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... Did you like it? I wanted a chapter before No.Mercy so it didn't seem like I rushed right in.  
> I hope you liked, let me know if you did.
> 
> And like always if you see and typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you you


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not completely sure about this chapter, but I've rewritten it so many times. That I don't think I'm ever going to be completely satisfied.
> 
> Let me know what you think, and also I'm not going to be following No.Mercy to a T. I'm only going to be putting in certain things but a lot of the interactions are going to be behind scenes with a few on screen things being added in.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it anyway.

**Changkyun's POV:**

Deep breath.

In.  
Out.

"You can go in changkyun. K.Will is waiting for just inside. Now remember how you're suppose to act."  
I remember. And I didn't like it not one bit.  
Keep your head down and act like your quiet and completely opposite of a maknae.

Okay never mind, I do like it. The only part I don't like is the fact they want me to cry and be emotional at times. That is so not me. Wow, that sounded weird even to my own head, ears, whatever you get the gist.  
But I am not an emotional person. I can't cry at the drop of a hat, and I sure as hell can not act like I'm upset that they don't like me.  
I mean it's not like I've spent months wishing I could be there friend, and be around them and just soak up all the good vibes.

No I have no idea how I'm going to act like that.

I take a deep breath and walk through the door meeting K.will. He nods at me as I walk over to where nine other people were seated. As I see the expressions on there face I know the reason Im' there is going just like they want it to. I'm here to 'rock the boat' so to say.  
The editors know fans were not going to like me suddenly showing up, but for some reason they decided not to tell the others that this is what was happening even if someone else got eliminated. I would still have been put on the show.

But watching their reactions I can only imagine what they're thinking. And I can't stand the idea of being seen as someone who came through half way just too steal someone else's place. But it's not like I have a choice five of use were chosen for this spot in No.Mercy.  
Happily and sadly, I was the one who was chosen. So this is my chance to debut. This is my only chance. I already failed with one group, even if it was the companies fault that everything fell through. I still failed with Nu'bility, and I haven't been able to get along with other trainees to join a group. So this is truly my last chance or they are going to drop me.

That can't happen. I can't let it.

"Hello, I'm I.M and I'm 20 years old." Shoulders back I meet their gazes evenly with a small smile on my face like I was taught. I can see the surprise on couple of faces and the growing anger on others.  
I sit where I was told and just wait. It was only going to get worse before it got better, and I'm going to have to bare all their anger and hatred. There's nothing else i can do about it.

 

* * *

 

 

The camera's being off didn't make things better. After dinner meeting and the apartment confrontation. I just waited for the questions, but they didn't come so decided this was probably my only chance to talk to them with my true personality and words.

"I need you nine to understand something before we go any further." I knew I had their attention, because i have been nothing but soft spoken, quiet, and withdrawn. So this out spoken way I'm speaking has shocked them all enough to were they will listen.

"I have not bought, cheated, or as some idiots are going to say. I have not slept my way here either. So any of those thoughts might as well vacate your head. I got here on my own merit, and talents. Plain and simple." I take a deep breath before scratching my neck and continue.  
"Who I am on camera, is not me. But who the editors want me to be. So don't be fooled into think I'm going to take anything sitting down once those camera's turn off. I don't want you think I am that way all the time. Though I am a quiet person. I am not meek, or overly emotional."

With that I leave them in their shocked stupor and walk to were the manager is shaking his head at me.  
"You just had to do that, huh?" I shrug and grin at him. "Better to get it over with now, than to wait until a big blow up happens. It's best to solve things without violence. Plus byunghwa hyung would have my hide if he found out I got violent."

He laughs and nodded because he remembers the fit my hyung threw when he found out about the fight I got into over jongyeon.  
I shiver as the memory hits making the manager laugh harder. "It's not funny! For someone so sweet looking, he can be damn scary when it comes down to it." And of course that just makes him laugh more and me to pout.

"Ah, kid. You make my day a happier place." I just mumble that it's because of my pain. The other members walk out as he slaps me on the back making me growl and latch onto his arm like a vicious puppy. Of course they all are surprised when the managers just laughs and walks with me on him like that.  
He's use to this. I've become quite close to him over the year I've been with the company. He helps me with things I'm uncertain of how to do. Plus him, the CEO, and only a handful of completely trustworthy people know about my true past.

"Okay, vicious into the van." I pull off with a pout and crawl into the van, the other members following along completely confused. We are to go to the company for our fourth debut mission.  
I am between being completely terrified, and bursting with excitement. My body has settled somewhere in between when my phone dings catching my attention and kihyun and hyungwon who are sitting on either side of me in the van.

'Good luck, hyung! Don't be to scared, okay. You'll do fine! You learned from the best maknae ever. You'll do fine! The other hyungs say they love you, I guess they didn't get the memo that only my love really matters.'  
-Yeonie<3

  
I laugh softly and shake my head.

 

'I'm not completely scared. And who learned from who, you brat! And everyone's love matters, more so byunghwa hyung and you. But don't tell the others. Taehyuk hyung has a hard punch. Also what's with the excessive exclamation points?'  
-Kyunnie<3

 

"Who's that changkyun shi?" I look up at the manager who's looking back at me giggling at my phone. I just hand it to him, I don't have anything to hide. He knows all of my secrets anyhow.  
"Ah, jongyeon. Good kid, Little hyper. But good kid. Although if byunghwa see this, I fear we may never find the body." I laugh and nod. "Yeah, hyper doesn't even begin to cover it. And hyung won't kill him, rough him up a bit maybe, but not kill. I think."

We both laugh at that catching the other seven's attention, but it was seowook who asked. "Who are you talking about?" The manager looks surprised and looks at me with a look basically, 'You didn't tell them changkyun ah.' I shrug and look down at my fingers. I hear him sigh before he waves off seowook. I know that makes them more suspicious. But I honestly don't care.

I look up when kihyun shi taps my shoulder. "Who is that guy?" I take a deep breathe before looking more fully at him. "He's my dongsaeng from the company i was with before starship." He looked surprised that i was with another company. But many people don't know because I don't go blurting it out all the time.  
There's no use in that. It wouldn't do me any better to say things like that.  
We pull up out side the studio and start filing out. I look at the building and take a deep breathe. This is it.

The beginning of my proving that I should be here.  
  


* * *

 

 

They want to know if I'm a better rapper than jooheon. I don't know how to answer that. So I make them pause in shooting before turning to the editors.  
"Do you want me to tell the truth or lie?" I see the confusion on everyone's faces especially giriboys face. He's the on who actually asks me to explain.

"I know for a fact jooheon shi is a better rapper than me. So they either want me to lie and say I'm better, when I'm not. Or they want me to tell the truth and say that he is a better rapper. But I don't know which one it is and to be honest I would rather know how they want me to respond, rather then to say the wrong thing and have to do this all over again."

He nods and cracks a smirk at me. "I like you changkyun ah." He pats my shoulder and grimaces with me when they say they want me to lie. I turn and walk back to were the others were sitting. I see how they look at me slightly different than before.  
I don't know what made their expressions change, but to be honest I don't really care.

The shooting starts soon and I just want to get this through this without any problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me know if you all enjoyed it.  
> Let me know what you think about keeping small interactions with Nu'bility and Changkyun, or should I cut off Nu'bility or make it to were something happened and they stop talking.
> 
> And like always if you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter! I hope you like it to.
> 
> Let me know what you think.

_**Changkyun's POV:** _

 

This fourth debut mission is off to a rocky start. They keep picking at me over every mistake and when I try to fix said mistake it's the wrong way. Or they make it seem like I'm barely even trying.  
I don't want to start problems or make things worse but their getting on my nerves with their snide little remarks. Not all of them but minhyuk, hoseok, and yoonho. I get why their mad but they don't have a right to treat me like I'm no better then the dirt beneath they're feet.

Walking around the park should help with my temper but it's really not, because I keep hearing their voices in my head. All the little comments that they've been saying keep floating to the surface and make want to hit something.  
But I promised jongyeon I wouldn't loose my temper. Jongyeon. I haven't talked to him, or any of the others in a couple of days because they've been working hard this last week or so.

I pull out my phone and text jeongwook hyung to see if he's busy or not. Praying in my head he's not, because he can help me with my temper right now. My phone dings with a message and I pull it out with an excited grin that only falls away.

 _'I'm so sorry kyunnie! I literally just got called into work. I can meet you tomorrow, and we can hang out all day if you can, if you can't I'll just follow you around and poke and prod at you till you can.'_  
-Favorite hyung(Don't tell the others)

I sigh and just send a quick message to tell him it's okay. He responds in confirmation. Well they're goes that. I know the others can't seeing as I've already asked them.  
I guess I'll just got to the studio then. Hopefully the others are still at the dorm so I don't have to deal with their attitudes right now.

 

* * *

 

Thank the lords their not here.

I sit inside one of the studios and just take a deep breath. I don't do any thing but sit and relax in the quiet. Some people hate being alone, but I would rather be alone then with people who belittle me. I got enough of that from my biological family, and I don't need it from some egotistical assholes.  
Okay not all of them are assholes, but it's still aggravating when they just sit there and let it happen.

I look in the mirror across from me and take in the exhaustion on my face. I don't get much sleep anymore. I go to sleep last and I wake up first. I try not to be around the others any more then needed.  
I hear the door and turn to see jooheon come in.  
I roll my eyes and turn back to the mirror. I can see him walking over towards me slowly. I turn my head to him when he sits on the couch near me.

"Where have you been? You've been running off every day. We've noticed and it's something that needs to stop. We have to be able to get a hold of you, and we can't when none of us have your number, or know where you're going." I shrug my shoulders and look back at the mirror.  
"You would have my number if you asked. And I've been here and there. But it's not like any of you actually care. So please don't come in here acting like you do." I see him glare at me through the mirror and turn to meet his glare with a blank expression.

"Who said I don't care? I'm pretty sure I've been trying to make the others stop with being rude to you. I've been trying to talk to you in a more friendly way. But you're the one who keeps ducking out when I try to get near you, or you turn my words around in a completely different way than I mean. I want to be your friend. I want to make up for everything that's been happening."  
He's huffing by the time he's done. I can't help but just stare at him in a fascination. Has he really been trying? I think back to the last few times we've talked and he's right. HE has. Jeez. Now I feel bad.

"I had no idea. I thought you were just talking to me out of pity or because you were told to. I didn't know you were actually trying to be my friend." I feel tears fill my eyes without me wanting them to. So I quickly turn my head away as the memory of him telling me he couldn't be my friend, and that he would never be my friend or be able to accept me.

"What changed your mind?" I don't look up. I can't stand the idea of all this being some joke. I do hear him sigh and feel him sitting next to me brushing his shoulder against mine.   
"I watched you. I watched how you acted with the others and when you weren't with them. I saw you smile at the silliest of things, like a picture of a pug wearing butterfly wings. Who laughs at that? I also saw how the managers and how our stylists, and staff absolutely adore you. I couldn't help but want to know the person that they do."

I look up at him as he turns his face to look at me. "I want to be your friend. I want to know you. Not the person in front of the camera, or the person behind all of those walls. But the true changkyun ah."  
I smile slightly at him. Before turning away and sighing deeply.  
"I can't say we'll be friends over night, or that I'll forgive you quickly. But I can promise that I'll try, if you can be patient with me." I see him nod and smile brightly at me through the mirror making me give him a small smile back. He pulls out his notebook from no where. 

"Now since we're here, help me with this damn rap. I can't find a word that matches with orange."

 

Laughter soon spills into the room.

 

* * *

 

"Changkyun ah?" I look up from the couch in the dorm to see kihyun standing there fidgeting with his fingers slightly, looking everywhere but at me.  
"Yes, kihyun shi?" He takes a deep breath before throwing his shoulders back.  
"I was told by the manager that you have to follow a certain eating regime to help with your acne, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to get food and other things we need for the house."

I can see how hard it was for him to get all that out. What I can't tell if it was because he's nervous I'll say no, or because he doesn't want me to come since I didn't get eliminated last debut mission. I have to go though. I have things I have things I have to get that I don't really want to ask him or the others to get.  
"I'll go with you. Just let me change my clothes real quick." He smiles briefly before telling me to be quick.

Soon we're in the car heading to the grocery store with some random song playing.  
"So you and jooheon are getting along now." I nod and smile thinking of my hyung. It's been a couple of weeks now and we have just been getting closer and closer. Though once he found out that orange didn't have a word that would rhyme with it, he was very disgruntled.

"Yeah, he's been helping me with my rap, and I've been helping him with his English." I see kihyun perk up at that. "I forgot you speak English. Do you think you could help me?" I agree to help him and we continue to talk about mundane things until we come up to the store.

We walk around getting everything we need before I break off to get those other things. I quickly walk over to the pharmacy and tell them what I'm here for. I keep looking around hoping no one recognizes me while I wait.  
"There you are changkyun. What are you doing here?" I close my eyes and whimper inside. I didn't want him to know about this. I didn't want anyone to know about this to be exact. Instead of answering I step forward to get my medicine.

**~Talk of depression and suicide; Do Not read if it will likely trigger anything~**

And of course instead of just letting me leave like a normal person the lady has to tell me of the warnings. Like I didn't already know everything.  
"Now remember. You can only take one of the anxiety pills a day, preferable in the morning, and you need to take the anti depressants twice day, once in the morning and once at night. And remember to have something on your stomach or they can make you sick."

Before I can respond kihyun has pushed him self forward and is talking about everything under the damn sun about these pills. Side effects to watch for. What to watch out for if the pills aren't working like their suppose to. What to do if I miss a dosage.  
And once again I find myself completely stunned and watching another one of these people in complete fascination.

Once he's done and I've got the medicine and we're walking back to the car, does he finally say something.

"I wish I would have know about the pills. But I can understand why you didn't tell me or anyone else. But now I know and I can make sure you take them and actually eat when you do." I grimace as he says that. "Yeah, I know about how you don't eat In the mornings. But at least I know why you always get this sickly look on your face at random times."

I take deep breath and look at him to see the softest look on his face, and it's directed at me. It stuns me for a second before I shake out of my stupor, and let my face harden slightly.  
"Why do you care? It's not like you've cared before." He also takes a deep breath as we stop by the car. It's night by then, so when he looks up I can literally see the stars reflecting in his eyes. Its fascinating in a weird way.

"I had a friend in high school that had clinical depression and a extreme anxiety disorder. I didn't know though, not until after. He never told me. I didn't see the signs until it was to late." He looks back at me and smiles sadly. "He was the nicest guy I had ever met. But he had such personality. You would have never guessed that he had any of it. But he did. And he killed himself. He hadn't been taking his medicine. And it all got to much for him."

He steps forward and hugs me making me bend into him like it was completely natural to fall into a hug with someone whose never touched me before, or treated me the best.

"I like you changkyun. Your a good person. I've seen it when you help someone. Just the other day you helped a little girl for no reason. She even called you a stupid head and you just smiled and agreed with her. Also you helped gunhee with finding his lyric book when he blamed you for losing it, when it was minhyuk. He didn't even apologize and yet you just let it roll of without a second thought."

He pulls back and smiles brightly. "I refuse to let you think that you have to hide this, when I can help you. I originally planned this trip to apologize to you and hopefully be your friend. I still want to do that, but now I have another reason for this trip. So I'm sorry changkyun, I know that you don't have a reason to forgive me. But I'm hoping you will."  
I take a step back and scuff my old converse on the ground before sighing and nodding.

"Just like I told Jooheon hyung. I'm willing to try. I might not forgive you right away or anytime soon. But I promise I'm willing to try." I smile back at him and he just nods and we head home.

Every day after that he made sure I ate, and took my medicine. He also glared at the others when they were going to say something. The only one who he allowed to say anything was jooheon, who was so upset when he found out. But thankfully he understood.

I smile at kihyun as he literally flits around the kitchen cooking.

I wonder if anyone has ever told him he's like a fairy. Wow, the look I just got.

 

**~No more talk about depression and suicide~**

 

* * *

 

Heavy breaths fall from me as I bend over with my hands on my knees. The company is having all of us learn some stupid dance to video and put online to gain more followers to the show.  
So far it's not going as well as any of us would hope so. Mostly me though. I'm a horrible dancer. I've never stated otherwise, either. Of course while kihyun and jooheon get a kick out of messing with me. The others are of course sending snide remarks, and I'm just letting them slide off. But I can feel my temper boiling. I'm hoping this will end soon so I can disappear and call jongyeon or one of my other hyungs.

As I walk over to get a drink, a couple of trainees are talking in one of the corners of the room. I see them looking at me but I ignore it in favor and watching kihyun do one of his silly dances setting jooheon off.

"No wonder Nu'bility got disbanded with someone like him in the group." I freeze and turn my head to the three of them. "Yeah, the others were probably so happy to be rid of him." I lower the bottle and stare at them through the mirror. I don't think any of them realize I can hear them.  
"Nah, The whole group needed to be disbanded with that weird ass maknae, and don't even get me started on the other freaks."

With that last word a growl is let loose from me, catching their attention and the others. I hear my name yelled, but I ignore it as I launch at the idiots in front of me. Fists are thrown and kicks landed. The curse words thrown are down right nasty. I land a kick at the first guy in his stomach sending him flying, before ducking under the seconds ones hit and elbowing him in the back and knocking his feet out from under him.

Now the third guy is hyunwoo's size so there's a chance I'm gonna get my ass kicked, but my mind is too fuzzy with anger at his words about my family. So I launch without a second thought sending us flying to the floor. I get a couple of good hits in, as does he, by the time the others separate us and the managers come flying into the room.

All the yelling and screaming got their attention. Of course it also could have have been because minhyuk, who is trailing behind them, went and got them. But my mind is still fuzzy with anger so I don't think about the words falling off of my lips at the three who are also fighting to get back at me.

"Say another fucking thing about them! I dare you! I don't care how many of you fuckers there are. You say anything about my family again I'll beat your asses all over again."  
The first guy has stopped fighting but is still being restrained, while the other two are still trying to get loose.  
"We were only say thing truth! All five of you freaks needed to be disbanded and never be allowed to join another company!"

I want to launch but the person holding me has a damn good grip on me.  
"What the hell is going on?! What the hell changkyun? You can't keep starting fights at random!" I look at my manager and when I see the look on his face I force myself to calm down.  
"They were talking about jongyeon and the others. They said they were freaks and called MY maknae names they had no business saying! So yeah, I started a fight, But I would do it all over again if it meant protecting them."

I see the realization cross his face along with the other staff who knew about Nu'bility and my family. He comes forward and waves off the person who is holding me, I found out its hoseok when he moves to the side of me. The managers puts his hands on my shoulders and looks in me in my eyes, making me focus on him.

"You have every right to be angry changkyun. But you can't start fights every time someone says something about them. You know what the CEO said. You have to control your temper." I take a deep breath and nod jerkily glare at the idiots behind him who are being fixed up by the staff.

I feel kinda smug knowing I beat the shit out of the three. But when I move I feel the pain in my ribs and my back. I'm not even going to start on my face and hands. He see's the pain flicker across my face before I hide it.

"Let kihyun fix you up and we'll talk more about this tomorrow okay?" I nod and he turns walking toward the other three idiots. My two hyungs are in my way when I went to take a step forward toward those idiots who are still glaring at me.  
"Come on, kyunni. Lets get you fixed up. Then you can explain whats going on, Okay?" I let him lead me and notice the others watching me warily, but following behind to the restrooms.

Jooheon helps me up on the counter wincing when I do, He helps pull off my shirt before kihyun is there with a first aid kit. Where that came from is anyone's guess.  
"I'll fix you. And you will talk." I nod and wince as he presses on my ribs.

"Before I came to starship, I was part of another company named Special K. But they went under in bankruptcy a while back. Before that though I was in another group set to debut." I smile softly thinking about my members, I don't notice the others watching the emotions fly across my face, or the way I flinch when kihyun is helping me.  
"They were my family. The first ever family I had. They accepted me for all my quirks and faults. Never caring when I would flinch away from being touched, or get mad when I would snap at them for no reason. The helped me. Taught me."

I look at kihyun who is now wiping up blood from the cut on my forehead.  
"They made me believe in love and family. Then a few weeks before debut we were told some of us were broken from our contracts and the others were sold to other companies. We didn't even have a chance to breath before we were separated. My maknae, jongyeon, he was the reason I was able to be friends with the others, or even become a family with them. He never gave up on me. He refused to leave me alone. Taehyuk hyung, and jeongwook hyung taught me how to defend myself, and protect others. While jongyeon, and byunghwa hyung taught me control and that being touched wasn't going to cause me pain."

I lean my head on kihyuns shoulders as I take a shaky breath. "Then they were ripped from me. And now anytime someone talks about them badly, I can't help but get so angry. It's like this haze covers my rational side, and I can't think straight. I hate being violent. I hate causing others pain. But I can't seem to control myself when it comes to those four."

I look up at jooheon and kihyun who have tears in their eyes now. "Well now six, huh?" I laugh slightly making them shake their head at me when I wince from the pain in my ribs. I thought to myself, 'No laughing for awhile.' They help me get my shirt back on, after they hug me gently before letting go.  
I look at the others, but don't say anything before turning back to my two hyungs and smiling sheepishly.

"I am sorry for getting into a fight in front of you, hyungs. But can we go home now." I see them smile wider when I call the dorm home, and them hyungs for the first time. Soon we're heading home, yet I know this isn't the end. They are going to want to know why.

Why I needed to be taught.  
Why I don't have any other family.  
And why I am the way I am.

One day. One day I'll tell them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did you like it?  
> I know there was no real Nu'bility interaction but there will be in the next chapter promise.
> 
> Also I have clinical depression and extreme anxiety. It is not a fun thing or something to be taken lightly. It will show its self every once in awhile in my story.  
> I will put trigger warnings up so it doesn't inadvertently hurt anyone reading.
> 
> But like always, If you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter both upset me and made me angry. I'm content with this chapter, I've rewritten it enough to be at least content with it, thankfully.
> 
> I hope you all like it.

**Changkyun's POV:**

I'm so excited it's almost impossible for me to sleep. My manager agreed that since we've been doing so well lately, and that because we've been doing so well that I could invite my hyungs and dongsaeng over.  
I remember squealing in a very unmanly way, but I really don't care. I haven't physical seen my hyungs in a while. I've seen jongyeon and byunghwa hyung but not the others, and I'm so excited.

I stare up at the ceiling grinning so widely that I think it's going to split my face.  
'My hyungs are coming.' I turn and bury my head in my pillow hoping to be able to at least smother my self to sleep. I don't suffocate to sleep, but i do slowly fall asleep. Though I don't lose my smile.

 

* * *

 

When I wake, it's in a flurry of movements that jooheon look at me like I'm a crazy person.  
"What's got you so excited, kyunnie?" I grin as I tackle back onto his bed. "Don't you remember? My hyungs and dongsaeng are coming!" I jump off of him and race to the bathroom. By the time I'm done kihyun has finished breakfast and everyone is up.

"Kyunnie, Medicine. Now." I groan but quickly grab the pills and swallow it don't with much more fuss about it. I know he's not nagging to be mean, but to make sure I remember take it the disgusting pills.  
"So, what are your hyungs and dongsaeng like, changkyun ah." I look up at hyungwon and smile brightly. Hyungwon has stopped insulting me or flat out ignoring me in favor of talking to me and getting to know me.

It's been nice, now don't get me wrong. He is still sarcastic and can be rude sometimes. But he's not doing it to be mean, that's just part of his personality, and to be honest I quite like him like that.  
"Their amazing. Taehyuk hyung is like our appa. He's always scolding us, and fixing the things jongyeon tends to break in his hyper fits. Byunghwa hyung is our eomma. He cooks and cleans for us, takes care of us when we're sick, and he makes sure none of us over work ourselves."

I smile as I look to the food in front of me. "Jeongwook hyung is the uncle of the group. He tries to act like he doesn't care for any of us, but he's the first person to step in front and protect us, and he likes to complement us through insults, to make it seem like he isn't actually complementing us. When we all know he is. He is actually my favorite hyung, but don't tell him that because he's got a big enough ego as it is."

I start to giggle to myself slightly catching their attention fully this time, instead of partially. "Jongyeon, is my maknae. He's also my best friend. He was my first friend, and my first brother. He's the one who showed me that I can trust people not to hurt me all the time."  
I look up when the door bell goes off, to see everyone to see them looking at me with varying emotions. I ignore the looks and jump up to get to the door. I can hear them already. They are so loud, that when i open the door it's like a speaker was just turned on.

"Kyunnie!!" I launch forward to be smothered by three out of four of them.  
"Jeongwook! You get over here and hug him." I laugh at byunghwa scolding him. But he sighs and does as he's told. I smile when taehyuk hyung starts to tickle jongyeon who made us all fall to the floor in the middle of the hall.  
Jeongwook makes a wheezing laughing sound, "Imagine if someone see's us! Their going to think we're some kind of weirdo's."

Jongyeon just helps me up while grinning at our hyungs on the ground. "We are weirdo's, hyung." byunghwa makes an insulted sound as he gets up with taehyuk's help.  
"I am not a weirdo. If anyone is a weirdo it's jeongwook. I mean come on, who doesn't like hugs? Weirdo's. That's who." We all laugh and I pull them into the dorm yelling for kihyun and jooheon.

"Don't just leave me out here on the floor! Help me up you brats." We ignore him and just continue into the dorm.  
"Hyungs, Come meet my family!" When I rush to the living room I see kihyun with an angry face on, facing off with minhyuk and hoseok. And seokwon just standing just behind kihyuns shoulder. He like hyungwon has started to talk to me, not as much but he still makes an effort.

"What's wrong?" Hoseok shoots me a glare before grabbing minhyuk and bumping past me into their room.  
"Nothing, changkyun. Their just being asses." I look at hyungwon and nod before turning to introduce my family.  
"Hyungs this is kihyun hyung, seokwon shi, and sitting on the couch hyunwoo shi. Curled into him wanting to sleep, but can't, is hyungwon hyung. The two curled around each other on the floor like goofs is jooheon hyung and gunhee shi."

I turn to my family smiling at jongyeon as he is literally bouncing in his seat. "This is my hyungs Byunghwa, taehyuk, and the on that's just now getting off the floor from the hallway is jeongwook."  
I grab jongyeon into a side hug. "this is my maknae and best friend, Jongyeon."  
That sets my hyungs off. I'm literally jumped by byunghwa hyung while taehyuk captures yeonie in a headlock, and of course jeongwook just leans on the wall without a care in the world.

After a few minutes of arguing and play fighting we finally separate and sit down in the living room. Of course they don't leave my side.  
jongyeon is in between my legs leaning against my chest, while I rest on jeongwook's legs. I watch my both set of my hyungs talk back and forth about different things. Byunghwa and kihyun are going back and forth about eomma things, that make no sense to me.  
Jooheon, gunhee, and taehyuk are talking about his hair being red for some reason. It doesn't suit him, I hope they can talk him out of it.

Hyungwon seokwon, and jeongwook talk about his new boots. While me, jongyeon, and hyunwoo just sit there quietly and watch everyone.  
I can't help but breath in a sigh of relief that everything is going so well. I realize there might be a chance that I won't debut, but i really care for kihyun and jooheon. So there is no way I'll let them out of my life. So I would like both sides of my life to be nice to each other and want to be around each other.

But like everything else in my life, nothing can stay good for long.

Everyone is laughing an having a good time. No one is fighting, and everyone is getting along. Until jeongwoook hyung makes a comment and that sets off hoseok and minhyuk who just walked into the room.

"You know, there was a time I thought I was going to have to threaten you all if things didn't change with changkyun and you." Everyone looked at him but he laughed and waved his hands.  
"You have to understand changkyun comes from a very bad past. So I was worried you all would make him revert back into his old ways. But I can see that i might have to threaten at least two of you still."

His eyes are sharp on the last two people to enter the room. He gives no slack on his glare, and they just glare right back. I see hoseok shift his body slightly in front of minhyuk, and I guess that wasn't the right thing to do.  
Because next thing anyone knows minhyuk is going off.

"Threaten us? It's us that should be threatening you all and him!" He shoves his finger in my chest making me stumble back and jeongwook to growl and step forward and taehyuk to pull me behind him.  
"He's the reason this all started. If he had just stayed away and never been put in this show nothing would be wrong!"  
Jeongwook laughs a deprecating sound. I see my other hyungs want to step forward but kihyun and byunghwa won't let them, something about this having to happen. Jooheon has his hand clasped over gunhee's mouth. He like jooheon has been trying to get close to me, but it's hard because he is quite close to minhyuk too.

"This wouldn't of happened? Are you as stupid as you are delusional? You do realize with or with out changkyun someone would have joined. They had others picked for this spot and to be honest your lucky that you got him."  
He's stepped forward and got into minhyuks face, both are glaring each other down. I've seen my hyung angry before but not like this.  
"Lucky? You think we were lucky to get someone like him! Some brat who acts like he's better than others. Who acts all sweet and cute with the managers only to become quiet and withdrawn with everyone else, like we're not worth his attention or words. I don't think so. I'd rather have someone else."

This time taehyuk steps forward pushing jeongwook back. He pushes minhyuk back with a hand on his chest and continues till he's backed into the wall. This side of my hyung I have only ever seen once before and to be honest I'm scared for minhyuk right now.  
I go to step forward, but jongyeon stops me by grabbing my waist not letting me move forward. I look to hoseok to see him arguing with hyungwon, who is waving his arms around growing angrier as he talks.  
But I don't have time to actually listen to them, because my attention is drawn back to my hyung, who's voice has taken on a deep gravely sound that, once again, has only happened once.

"You have no right to talk about him. Someone like you, has no right to even be around him. He IS the sweetest person in the world, and the fact that you even got to see him act that way is a blessing. Changkyun's past makes it hard for him to open up to anyone. He who has been beaten and made to think he's no better than the dirt on your feet."  
He steps forward nose to nose with him.  
"Those people you wish were here instead of changkyun, would have chewed you up and spit you out, while looking for seconds. One of two reasons changkyun was chosen is because they didn't want someone as loud and rude as the others."

He steps back and throws a quick glare at hoseok who's face has taken on a sullen look after his argument with hyungwon.  
"Changkyun deserves the world, and all the love that goes along with it. I know you believe that changkyun is some monster and all that other bullshit. But have either of you actually tried to get to know him. Figure out his past, and why he is the way he is."  
He moves to my side and grabs my hands.  
"Have you tried to know changkyun? Not his rapper persona I.M. Because they are very much two different people. I won't stand here and watch you say the things you have. I won't let you belittle him when he already feels bad enough as it is."

After his rant everyone is speechless. No one is moving, and minhyuk has seemed to lost all his steam. He has slid down the wall and is sitting there just staring at his hands.  
I sit beside byunghwa and let jongyeon curl half way onto my lap. I see kihyun step forward and go to say something but stops and sighs. He turns to me and looks at me with sadness.  
"What does he mean that you were beaten?" I sigh and move jongyeons legs off of me before heading to the dresser. I dig through the drawer for the picture.

The one I take every where with me.

I quickly walk back and hand him the picture. Once I return to jongyeon and byunghwa, I see him pass it to the others. After everyone has seen it, I hold the picture and stroke over my sisters face gently.

"I had a sister once..."

 

* * *

 

After I told them everything, hoseok starts crying and rushes to his room with hyungwon after him. Minhyuk has curled into a ball against the wall, but we can hear him sniffling every once in awhile. But it was kihyun that made my breath catch.  
Kihyun, who is so strong, is crying softly on hyunwoo's arm. Hyunwoo has a pained expression on his own face while jooheon is now wrapped up in me and jongyeon embrace with byunghwa petting our hair in turns. Jeongwook and taehyuk are standing next to each other looking at the ground. And seokwon and gunhee look someone punched them in the stomach.  
No matter how many times they've heard the story it doesn't get any better or easier to hear. We stay that way for a bit, before kihyun suddenly stands saying that he needs to cook, and byunghwa offers to help him. After that everyone separates, well everyone but me, yeonie, and jooheon.

They refuse to let me go. But they soon do because the manager shows up and needs me for a second. I can see the worry on their faces as I get up and walk to him. As I pass minhyuk who is still on the ground he grabs my hand for a second before letting go.  
I look down at him but he doesn't say anything just continues to stay their staring at the ground. So I continue to the hall where my managers are standing.

"Changkyun, we got a call from someone who wants to talk to you. At first we were hesitant about letting you, But they keep insisting. So we thought it better to ask for your opinion." I look at the managers confused, wondering who it could be that has them so cautious.  
"Who is it?" They look at each other before pulling the phone out of over of their pockets. "It's your father"

I take a step back away from the phone shaking my head, "No, no. I don't want to talk to him." I see the sadness that flashes across the face at my response before nodding their heads. "We thought that would be your answer, but we had to make sure." I lower my head and stare at my hands that are now shaking heavily, thoughts running through my head.

Why now?  
Why call when it's been years?  
What is his reason?  
Is he trying to hurt me?  
Make me angry?  
Why, why, why?

"Wait." The stop just before they are about to leave, they look at me shocked as I hold out my hand for the phone.  
"I'll- I'll try to talk to him. Find out what he wants." They look unconvinced but still hand me the phone. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to changkyun. It's okay if you can't, or won't. No one will be angry with you." I smile softly at my managers and hold the phone securely.  
"Don't worry, hyungs. I know you won't be. But I have to try right. Be sides what's the worst that could happen."

 

* * *

 

I had stepped out of the dorm and now I'm just staring at the phone. Pacing back and forth, stopping every once in a while to glare heavily at it, just to start again.

"Why is this so hard? It's just a phone call." I take a deep breathe before grabbing the phone and making the call, but I also put it on speaker and set it down while taking a big step back.  
Each ring makes my nerves sky rocket, making me more and more scared as the minutes pass.

"Hello?" I gasp out a breath hearing his voice, tears fill my eyes slightly.  
"Changkyun, is that you?" I don't answer instead I back into the wall and slide down it clasping my hands over my mouth.  
Why am I reacting like this?  
Why am I so scared?

"If that is you changkyun, I need you to know something." I hear him take a breath,  
"When you left, I realized something. I am and was, a horrible father. Blaming a child for something that was never your fault. Now, I'm not asking for your forgiveness or anything else. I just wanted you to know changkyun. I did look for you. I did watch you from afar. I was so proud when Nu'bility happened, and so upset when everything failed for you. But at least you got to meet those boys."

I let out a sob that I know he can hear because his own breath goes ragged before clearing his throat.

"Changkyun, We put you through a lot in your life. We put you through things a child should never have to be put through. But those things made you strong. And now your going to use that strength to get through this. Through No.Mercy, and debut like you deserve. I have to go changkyun. Just know, that I am sorry and that I lo-."

I launch for the phone but before I end the call. "You can't say that. I won't let you. I'll listen to everything else but not that. Never that." After I hang up I move back to my spot on the wall just staring at the phone that is now being clutched in my hands.  
I don't realize it but my breathing has become erratic and my sobs have become loud and uncontrollable. It causes my hyungs to come rushing out of the dorm. Byunghwa quickly moves behind me wrapping his arms around me while kihyun grabs my hands and putting them on his own chest.

"Breath with us changkyun." Everyone else watches from the sidelines, I look through blurry eyes to the managers who look so upset and angry.  
I try to talk, but my breathing is still to erratic and nothing seems to help me calm down. The managers shake they're head and grab the phone. "We should never have let you talk to him. We should have known this would happen"  
I see jeongwook and taehyuk hyung turn on the managers and start yelling. I would stop them but my strength seems to be gone. I can feel my body becoming heavier. I hear someone yell something but everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

***Beep* *Beep***

I open my eyes to the sound of a heart machine. Which is really annoying by the way. I groan when the light hits my eyes making people in the room move and start talking.  
"Ah, Im shi. Your awake, finally." I hear someone whose voice I don't recognize before opening my eyes to see the light has been dimmed, and to see my hyungs and jongyeon surrounding my bed along with a doctor who seems to be amused to see 12 boys surrounding me.

"Well, you sure gave everyone a scare there. You fainted do to a anxiety/panic attack that made your breathing erratic, which didn't let your brain get enough oxygen." I sigh and put my head down against the bed.  
I got to speak but my voice is raspy, so hyunwoo hands my a glass of water. I try again once I've had a drink "Sorry. I didn't mean to let it get that far, or even to have a attack. I didn't even realize I was having one until everyone rushed out."

The doctor nods and writes something down before looking at me carefully.  
"I was told it because of a conversation between you and your father." I nod while playing with my fingers nervously. I don't want to talk about this.  
"Now, I don't want to know the details, but if this is how you react just to that. I think it might be best if you don't talk to him again, until you get a reign in on your emotions." I nod quickly.  
"Believe me I won't be talking to him anytime soon." The doctor nods before making sure all my vitals were good and letting me know I would be able to leave soon.

As soon as the doctor was gone, I was swarmed by goof balls. Literal goof balls.  
"I thought you were going die!" Jooheon agree's with jongyeon and both get hit in the back of the head by kihyun which makes me giggle. Byunghwa reach forward and runs his fingers through my hair making me sigh and lean into the touch.  
"You really scared us. You shouldn't have talked to him alone." I nod and look at him with a guilty expression. "No. He should have never talked to him in the first place." I see hyungwon, and hyunwoo agreeing with taehyuk and giggle at jeongwooks face.  
He's trying to look stern but the tear filled eyes and tear stains ruins it. "God, your an idiot." I nod my head and turn to see minhyuk and hoseok sitting on the chairs away from the rest of us. Hoseok nods his head towards me and minhyuk offers a slight smile.

That's not going to fix anything better it's acknowledgement at least.

"So, who wants a glove balloon?" I turn too see jooheon and jongyeon have already blown up three and are starting more.  
I start to really laugh when taehyuk goes to scold them and they let the two they have half way done, go in his face, making him sputter.

The chaos starts when half want one and the other half scolding them. It gets real fun when a nurse barges in when my heart rate sky rockets.

"What is going on here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did you like? And what did you think of including his father part? I was iffy on that part, but I really wanted to add him.
> 
> So let me know what you think, and like always, If you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this one is short, because I needed to get this out of the way. But I still think it's okay.
> 
> Well, let me know what you think, and I'm pretty sure your all gonna like it.

**Changkyun's POV:**

"The sixth member of Monsta x is, I.M."

That's my name.  
They called my name.

I look around and see the anger on some of their faces, and the acceptance on others. I know that their not exactly angry at me anymore. No their angry about how everything played out.  
I take a deep breath and walk carefully down to the pedestal and take my place.

My place. Ha. I did it.

I cover my face with my hands, and ignore everything else. I'm going to debut. I laugh softly at the fact that I'm finally getting somewhere. I let my hands fall and see them. My family. Once the camera's are off and everyone is leaving I run past the now members of my new group and down to were my family is.  
I'm tackled by jongyeon who is squealing like a girl.  
"What are you doing here? How are you here?" I smile brightly as I'm passed around for hugs, except jongyeon, who refuses to let me go.

"Your manager called and asked if we wanted to be here, either to comfort you if you didn't make it. Or to congratulate you if you did make it. And of course we agreed to be here." I laugh and turn to see the other members talking between each other, gunhee and seokwon standing there smiling but I can tell it's not happy smiles. No, they're more like I'm-smiling-so-you-can't-tell-I'm-upset smile.

I feel bad, and I guess jeongwook can see it on my face. He smacks me on the shoulder with a soft smile, before grabbing the back of my head and meet our foreheads together. This has me shocked because jeongwook isn't a affectionate person.  
"Don't be sad for them. They'll be fine. They will find their own way." I nod and lean into him. My arm is still wrapped around jongyeon who is now pushed between our chests squirming, talking about how he's being squished and uncomfortable.

Me and hyung just smirk, and proceed to squish him more. He laughs and squeals louder, making the rest of us laugh.  
"Your going to kill me! Kyunnie hyung, you won't be my favorite anymore." I laugh and just shrug.  
"Maybe you'll stop tackling me all the time now." Byunghwa makes us let him go and he proceeds to make an insulted sound at my answer.  
"You lie! You would be so upset if I stopped giving you my affection." I make a thinking motion before shrugging. "Nah." then grab him into a hug making him smile while curling under my arm.

We continue to talk before the managers come over to tell me that we need to do a recording about our thoughts.  
We say goodbye and they let me know I'll be seeing them soon, and quickly separate. I walk to were my new group stands, and I can tell that the mood isn't the greatest. So I decide not to say anything, or act to happy just in case I set someone off.

 

* * *

 

 

To be honest I've been expecting hoseok, and minhyuk to say something to me. But they haven't, and I'm slightly weirded out. I watch them from under my bangs just waiting, but nothing.  
They are just ignoring me. Which is just fine with me. Because I'd rather have their silence then them yelling or spewing insults at me every few minutes.

"Ah! Kyunnie, what have you go there." Jooheon grabs my lyrics book and I make no move to take it back, because it wouldn't do anything but egg him on. I instead just watch him go through them.  
"These are good kyunnie. Why haven't you shown me or anyone else." I shrug and grab the book back. "These aren't really ones I plan to use. Just random things that pop up in my head." He nods and sits next to me as we laugh at hyungwon trying and failing to copy hyunwoo's dance.

"Come on, lets play a game." We grab kihyun and sit in a circle.  
"We're playing the multiplication game, changkyun ah can start." I groan making them laugh before we start the game.

  
"Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, 8 x 6." Jooheon quickly answers making changkyun frown slightly and kihyun laugh.  
"48. Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, 9 x 3." Kihyun moves his fingers before smirking. "27." I grown and lay back on the ground. I like math, but I don't care for this game.  
"Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, 7 x 5." I sigh and without really trying, "35." We continue this back and forth until hyungwon and hyunwoo join us. It's a back and forth between all of us until jooheon misses my answer and I get to flick him in the forehead, which makes me extremely happy.

Hoseok and minhyuk join us after jooheon and kihyun get out. Its actually fun because we keep making it harder and harder. Soon hyunwoo and hoseok are out, leaving me, hyungwon, and minhyuk.  
"Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, 9 x 12." I smirk at minhyuk and answer it confidently, "108. Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, Gugu Da Nul Wee Ja, 12 x 14" His eyes narrow at me as he counts in his head. "168."

We keep going back and forth surprising the members. who watch us like hawks. "Okay, this game is never going to end. Rock, paper, scissors to see who's the winner." I laugh nod, "Kai, Bai, Bo." I yell out and do a victory dance.  
"Scissors win over paper!" Jooheon laughs and joins me with my victory dance making the other members laugh. I quickly give minhyuk his punishment, which of course he exaggerates the pain and makes us all laugh again.

"Alright guys lets head home." We nod an start to gather our things when the managers says he needs to talk to me so he lets the other go home first.  
"Everything doing okay?" I sit in front of him and smile slightly. "Yeah, they're doing okay. Not the best, but we'll get there." He nods and then hands my a paper.  
"Your stylist says this is your new facial care routine." I nod with a sigh. "They said that should help since they got it from an actual doctor." I smile and nod. We quickly go over a few other things, before it's time to go.

"I'll wait for you out at the car." I grab my things and go to follow him when my path is blocked. Come on. Are they really going to do this? Didn't anyone learn from the last two times?  
I raise my eyebrow at the four boys in front of me. "So, you're going to debut." I roll my eyes and go to walk past them when one of them pushes me back. I make a tongue in cheek smile and raise both my eyebrows.

"Oh, don't bother looking at us like that. We know you can't do anything to us now. Because the CEO said you would be suspended if you got into anymore fights, and you really don't want to mess up now that your set to debut."  
I scowl because he's right. "Look my managers waiting for me. Do you really wanna do something when there's a possibility he could come and see it. Then you would be the one's out of the company and I'd be seen as a victim." I smirk as two of the four grabbed the other two and dragged them away.

"Don't worry. One of these day's you won't have anyone waiting and then you'll get yours." I roll my eyes at that because I already have got mine. Then again they don't know my family or anything to do with my past.  
Maybe one day I'll tell the world. But you can be damn sure it's not going to be any time soon.  
I rush down and meet the manager to go home. I don't bother telling him, because it will just make things worse.

For some reason I feel like that's going to come back to bite me in the ass.

 

* * *

 

 

Once I enter the dorm I hear yelling. So I quickly walk in to see the members all in the living room move things around.  
"Ah, Changkyun, you're here, good. Come help up. We're moving you into the room with jooheon, minhyuk and me." I blink at kihyun confused, but quickly jump to help when he scowls at me. For someone for small he's really scary.

"Why am I moving into one of the rooms? And what are we going to do with the extra bunk bed?" But of course I'm ignored because everyone is running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  
Oh, Chicken. "Hyungs, I'm hungry." All movement stops and they all look at me. I gulp and shake my head, "Never mind, I can wait." Kihyun rolls his eyes and grab jooheon. "Go get my wallet and go down to the that convenience store with changkyun ah, and get us some snacks and stuff. I don't feel like cooking. I'm pretty sure changkyun isn't going to cook. Plus, I don't trust any of you but him in my kitchen."

He gets glares but no argues with him because it's true. As we leave we hear hyungwon yell something about healthy crap. But we just ignore it, because he's not the one going. So he'll he what we get.  
When I say that to jooheon he laughs and nods before throwing an arm around my shoulder.  
"So, we're debuting together, huh?" I nod and look up at the stars that are barely seen through all the city lights.

"Yeah, it's surreal. I mean, I know you're going to miss gunhee hyung and seokwon hyung. But I'm actually happy." He nods and lets wistful smile slip on his face before he answers me.  
"Yeah, your right. I'm going to miss them. But it's okay, because we'll be fine. Plus, gunhee is a damn good rapper, so if he were chosen it might have turned to him getting more lines then me. But with me and you, we're both good rapper's apart, but together we're amazing. So we'll likely get the lines split even. So there's a good reason you were chosen."

He laughs before grabbing my neck and giving it a light squeeze. "Besides I wouldn't be able to stand being the maknae for long. I mean I don't mind being cute and all, but I'll be damned if that is going to be what I'm almost what I'm always seen for."  
I laugh and nod because he's right I don't mind being seen as the maknae more than naught.

We quickly get to the store an get a bunch of unhealthy snacks because we're allowed. And even though we both said hyungwon could get over it. We grab him his healthy crap we both make faces at.

When we get back it's to all our hyungs on a pile on the floor looking exhausted, "Cuddle pile!" Jooheon with a second thought launches on top of them, making me laugh as they all yell and squeal about being crushed by a blob of fat.

I clear my throat and all eyes go to me. I smirk as they start moving under jooheon who cackles.  
"Call me a blob of fat. Go ahead."  
I rush at them making them all yell. Once I land on top and move around making them laugh and groan in pain.  
"My kidney!" I laugh at hyungwon and look at jooheon who is grinning at hyunwoo, who looks completely bored at the bottom of the pile. He looks at me and lets uncharacteristic smile slip on his face.

 

I can't help but laugh slightly because I know everything's going to be just fine. I'll make sure it is, because nothing is going to ruin this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, How did you like it? And the end?
> 
> Well like always, If you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my sons in school, and I have more time to write. Yay! lol
> 
> Let me know what you think of the new chapter.  
> I'm a little iffy on it.   
> But that may be because it's been a bit since I've written the last chapter.

**Changkyun's POV:**

 

I stare at the computer in front of me blankly. I've been sitting here for late into the night, and nothing is coming to me. I should have been home earlier, but of course I got distracted and lost track, and now it doesn't matter since it's basically morning. I groan and throw my head back ignoring the twinge in my back.  
I can't think of anything to write or even any music to try to make. It's just blank.

That may be due to exhaustion, but who's really asking. I hear a knock on the door just as I'm about to doze off.  
"Come in!" Jooheon walks in with a smile but I can see the worry swimming in his eyes. I steadily ignore it and his eyes while turning back to the computer.  
"You never came home last." I let out a laugh and nod while randomly clicking buttons.  
"Yeah, I fell asleep here and woke up a little bit. I just decided to stay here since I would just be back here in a couple hours anyway."

In my head it sounds like a good excuse, but I know jooheon, and he knows me. So we both know I'm lying but now it's a matter of if he's going to call me out on it.  
"Yeah, I thought it was something like that." I let out a soft breathe before turning to him. I smile and grab his hand, tugging him to the computer.  
"Help me figure out what I'm missing in this." I'm so focused on the computer I don't see his eyes wondering around the room.

Bare of any empty food wrappers, or drink containers. How everything but the computer and speakers look completely untouched.  
I don't see the grimace he shoots towards me, when he takes in my unkempt hair and the clothes I was still wearing the day before.

"Yeah, I'll help. But then we have to head home to change your clothes before we meet with the managers." I nod and we quickly become engrossed with the music. We stay like that for an hour or so before his phone goes off.  
"Jeez, man. We have to go. Come on." I nod and between the both of us. We get everything shut down and locked up before leaving. It's dark outside when we leave because it's still really early.

"You need to start coming home or kihyun hyung's going to start doing to you what he does to hyunwoo hyung, and hoseok hyung." I look at him to see his head tilted towards me and his usual soft smiles turned serious and a little upset.  
"Yeah, I know hyung. I just lost track of time and by the time i realized it. It was already to late." He shakes his head and shoves his hands into his pockets.  
"Look I know how it is, and so does kihyun. But you gotta start to doing better. Others are going to start to notice. I don't want it to seem like I'm harassing you, but if not me kihyun hyung, and nobody wants that."

I laugh while nodding my head. We're coming up onto the apartments when I lean into his shoulder.  
"I'll try to start watching the time more. And next time I do realize, I'll come home anyhow." He nods with a satisfied smile.  
"That's fine. As long as you try to fix it." We walk into the apartment I quickly head to the bathroom.

"Your going to have to share maknae." I look at hyungwon who looks like he just got up, he most likely did though. I shrug and quickly shower. Sharing showers has become the norm seeing as we have such rushed schedules and we don't have time to take them individually.  
Without thinking about it, we just follow into the normal motions. Passing soaps and cloths without a word.  
"Your skins to pale. You need to get out of the studio and go into the sun." I grin at my hyung and nod my head. We've been doing better, slowly we've been getting closer. But it's hard to find things we can connect on. But we both found we connect when it comes to picking on the hyungs.  
"Hurry up! Other people have to shower you two." I step out as minhyuk comes in and we literally dance around each other as we switch.

After wrapping a towel around my waist and one over my hair I leave only for hoseok to slip in and then hear hyungwon whining about not wanting to leave the warmth.  
I just grin and head to the room to get dressed.  
"I set out clothes for you changkyun. Change quickly." I nod at jooheon and quickly change trusting his judgement when i really shouldn't. But its not bad. jeans a blue t shirt and a hoodie.

"Food's done! Finish getting ready then eat. We're going to be late if you ke- Hyungwon! Get up, you lazy bum!" I snicker as I walk past the living room to kihyun hyung hitting him with a pillow.  
I'm just about to sit when a arm is forcing me up. I look at see kihyun glaring at me and point to the cabinet that holds me medicine.  
"Hyung, I don't want to take it." He just glares and ignores my pouting. Before turning back to wake hyungwon up he shoves me to the cabinet and points hyunwoo.

"You better make sure he takes it." Hyung nods with wide eyes before turning and watching me. I stare back hoping he'll give in, but I'd have better luck with a wall. With a sigh I grab a glass of water then swallow the pills.  
I grimace at the going down. "I hate medicine." I hear scoff behind me and see kihyun glaring at me.  
"Hate it or not, you're going to take it." I nod at him as I walk back to my seat. Before sitting I hug him from behind. He pats my hands before laughing.   
"Alright, get off of me." I've taken the step to be more affectionate toward certain people. The first time I hugged kihyun without him starting it I swear he teared up.

I sit and eat quickly making hyunwoo stare at me intensely till I slow down. He nods his head before turning back to his own food. I smile slightly around a mouthful. He hasn't really tried to talk to me, but he does make sure to stay with me or watch me when kihyun and jooheon aren't with me.  
I've also noticed that when he does go to touch me he's very cautious. I want to tell him that I don't mind if he does, that just because I told them of my past that he doesn't have to act like I'm a glass bauble that's going to break at the slightest touch.

But I keep quiet, because I know it's just his way of taking care of me.  
I look up in time to see kihyun and jooheon separate. Jooheon with a worried face and kihyun a little aggravated. I narrow my eyes at them when they turn towards me, and watch as they avoid eye contact. Well, jooheon does. Kihyun lightly glares making me gulp and look down at my food.

Once everyone is sitting down kihyun clears his throat catching everyone's attention.  
"New dorm rules." Everyone starts to groan, but it goes silent when hyunwoo turns his eyes to us.  
"No more staying at the studio, dorm, practice room, or anywhere after eleven. You all keep over working yourselves, and I won't have it anymore. You're going to make yourselves sick, and no one wants that."  
He turns to where I'm sitting but is looking at hyungwon and hoseok before turning to me last.

"That means no over working at the gym, an practice studio." Hoseok scoffs and points from his chest to kihyuns.  
"Who's the hyung here?" Kihyun smirks and turns to hyunwoo who is nodding along with kihyun.  
"Kihyun's right. All of us have been overworking ourselves. I'm the oldest, and leader. No more out after eleven." Hoseok rolls his eyes and nods.  
"There will be punishments too. There will be two warnings before anyone is punished. This isn't to make you feel bad or anything, but one of you is going to drive yourselves into the hospital. Plus, do you really want to worry monbebes if you do."  
That last sentence has hoseok blanching, because we all know the love he has for our fans.

I see how jooheon is cutting his eyes at me, and I know it's because he told kihyun about earlier. Which is fine. I'm not mad. I mean, I'm aggravated, but I know he was just doing to make me take care of myself. And I know kihyun made that rule so as not to call me out, but also to get the other members to stop to.

 

* * *

 

"Break time."

I fall on the floor with hyungwon next to me. I'm a horrible dance. Okay, I'm not bad, but I'm certainly not the best.  
I turn my head and smile at hyungwon who even with all the sweat still look he just walked off a runway. How does he do that I'll never know. But I do know it makes me jealous at times like these.  
I stand and head to the restroom. "Don't be too long kyunnie. We're going to start again soon." I nod at kihyun and walk out. I stretch my arms out and groan at the pop in my shoulders and back.

"I need to work out or something." I laugh lightly knowing that's not going to happen. Plus monbebes like me a little plush.  
As I walk to the bathroom I should have looked up. If I had, I might have turned around and walked away as fast as possible.

As soon as the door closes I'm shoved against the wall. I look up to see the trainees from before. Really? I go to say something but stop myself, because they were right last time. I can't do anything.  
I sigh before just meeting the ringleaders eyes defiantly. He pushes me against the wall again making me grunt at the force.  
"We saw you dancing, and I gotta say, we really don't understand why you debuted. I mean your dancing is horrible, your not attractive, and lets not even start on your rap." I step forward into his face but that makes it worse because I'm up against the wall with an arm at my throat.  
"Don't worry. It won't take long." Sure, enough fists hit me in my stomach one at a time. I bowl over coughing only to be kneed in the stomach.  
'Don't do anything. Don't do anything.' I keep repeating this over and over. It is over soon. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.  
"Next time it'll be worse. Because one of these times your not going to have people waiting on you." They leave as I roll onto my back and hold a hand to my stomach.

It hurts. It's been awhile since I've hurt like this. I should have known it was coming. Since it's well known that I was reprimanded for fighting, and was told not to do it again. I should have known someone was going to take advantage of it.

"Changkyun? What are you doing on the floor?" I look up and see hoseok standing at the door. I quickly grin and sit up holding a hand to my stomach, wincing slightly making him step forward.  
"I stupidly lost my footing and hit the side of the sink with my side." He tsk's and helps me move to walk when he notices its hard. _'Why did i just lie?'_  
"Your not going to be able to dance like this." I nod and groan when i have to twist to get out the door. I see him wince slightly and move closer to me to help me walk better.

As we enter the practice room my members quickly surround us.  
"You can't go a few minutes without getting hurt can you." Kihyun goes to reach for my shirt but I slap his hand away, making him flinch back in shock.  
"No, I'm fine. I didn't hit anything important. I'll be fine in a little just have to give muscles time to relax from the beating they took from the sink."

Why do I keep lying? Why not tell the truth? Their my hyungs. I'm suppose to tell them when things like this are happening. But no, instead I hide it and keep quiet and lie, again and again.  
Sooner or later my lies are going to catch up to me. Minhyuk hands me a hot water bottle before joining hyungwon and hyunwoo by the mirror. I'm surprised he even came near me.  
He's been avoiding me since that night. Which is fine by me. Yeah, I wish we could be close. Because the minhyuk I see with the other members, I would love to get to know.

I quickly lay down with jooheons help and kihyun hovering. Hoseok is in the background watching silently. He's another that has surprised me. He has also been avoiding me. But I've noticed it's not because he still hates me or anything, but because he's scared to touch me much, like hyunwoo hyung.  
He'll come around. After helping me earlier, that may help him come around quicker.  
As they start dancing I can't help but feel bad. I want to dance with them. But I can't. At first I wasn't going to tell them, but hoseok walking in on me, on the floor knocked that plan out of the waters.

I'll find a way to stop the bullying without fighting or having my hyungs interfere. I have to if I want to stay with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think?
> 
> I like this chapter, but I'm very iffy with it.  
> But anyhow, tell me what you think, and like away. If you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter! Yay, sorry it's been a bit. Getting my son ready for school was a lot more work than I thought was going to be. But the new chapter is here, and I hope you all like.

**Changkyun's POV:**

Over the next few weeks the bruises healed, and those rules hyung made are working quite well, too well to be honest. We all are home on time, and whoever doesn't make it gets a warning or a punishment depending on the time.  
I've got two punishments so far, and none of them were any fun. I sigh as I finish cleaning the bedroom. Well my last punishment has been fulfilled. Now to get hyung to make sure everything is in order.

"Kihyun hyung!" I hear feet hurrying to me, when he sticks his head around his eyes widen at the room. He walks into the room and spins looking impressed.  
"Good job, kyunnie! I can honestly say I wasn't expecting this." I laugh and rub the back of my head, "I figured you were expecting it be like when jooheon hyung cleans it, and everything is shoved under beds." He laughs and nods.  
"Yeah, I learned to keep my dad off my back to keep anything everything spotless." I don't see the look of pure hatred skip across his face when I move to fix hyungs sheets, and it was gone when I looked back.

"Well, punishments over. You can do what you want, as long as your home on time from now on." I nod and rush to the living room to slip my shoes and get to the studio.  
I'm stopped half way by hyungwon and a nervous looking minhyuk.  
"We were wondering if you wanted to come with us for clothes shopping. You need new clothes and you can't keep stealing jooheons or hyunwoo hyung clothes anymore." I purse my lips and look at the shirt and zip up I'm wearing. Jooheon's shirt, and hyunwoo's zip up, and hoseok's socks too, but they don't need to know that.

I look up at them and sigh while nodding. "Yeah, I'll go with you, but I'm not buying from those expensive shops you like to go to. I want to go to some thrift shops that I know have sales going and just cheaper prices in general." I see the grim look and smirk slightly knowing hyungwon's disliking for thrift shop clothing.  
They both agree with me as long as we went to some of their shops too. Soon we're going with kihyun yelling behind us to be careful and to make it back in time for the curfew.

A few hours into shopping, I've noticed how minhyuk keeps trying to speak to me, but backs out at last moment. Hyungwon does nothing but talk, mostly about random things that don't matter to anyone, but at least he talks.  
I'm in the middle of looking through sweaters, a blue and white striped one is in front of my face.  
"This one will look good on you." I grab the sweater and look at minhyuk who is looking at me from the corner of his eye.

I take a closer look and nod, "Yeah, I'll try it on. But I think I will get it. Thanks, minhyuk hyung." I see a small smile grace his lips before he turns away and walks to hyungwon who is smirking smugly.  
So this was the reason they wanted me to go with them. I walk into the dressing room to try the clothes on.  
"Don't forget to come out. We want to see how you look kyunnie." I groan but do as they ask knowing if I don't they will never let me leave.

 

* * *

 

We are sitting and eating when things get weird. Minhyuk starts to fidget with his fingers, hyungwon watches him closely with narrowed eyes.  
"Changkyun, I wanted to talk to you about something, and apologize." I swallow the bite I had just taken and sit my chopsticks down to give him my full attention.

"In the beginning I was really bad to you, and it wasn't even you that I was meaning to be to. It was the situation. But the time I realized what I was saying and doing towards you I had already done so much damage I didn't think there was any reason for you to forgive me. So, I just kept up the act. It didn't help that me and hoseok hyung were feeding off each other."

He stops and takes a deep breath, before looking at me in the eye. "I'm so sorry changkyun. I should have apologized the minute I realized what I was doing. I should never have kept going, and I shouldn't have provoked you like I did that night. It was that night that made me realize that I had to do something to fix this. I couldn't keep this up. But I didn't know how. So, I just ignored you till I could figure something out."

He looks at hyungwon and smiles slightly. "It wasn't till hyungwon literally slapped me in my head, which really hurt, that I listened to him and decided to just apologize instead of trying to do some big gesture. I'm sorry changkyun. I'm really, really sorry."

I look down at my hands and sigh softly. I could forgive him, but I'm always going to have those memories. I look up at hyungwon to see him smiling softly at me, and then to minhyuk who looks so sad and desperate. It's then I know that, yeah I would most likely never forget the past we share.  
But that's not a bad thing, it's better to remember so those things can never happen again, then to forget and have the situation repeat itself.

I quickly reach over hand softly pat his hand before pulling back just as quickly.  
"I forgive you hyung. But I can't even forget the past events." He nods quickly,  
"I don't want you to forget. Never. Because I need someone who can remind me that I'm not this perfect person some people put me on, that I let get to my head at times." I nod and we continue to talk about random things.

I watch how he has opened up more, and how he has slowly started to show me more affection through out the day.  
I like this side of him. The true him. I could grow to love this side of him, you can't help but love him like this. And apparently he can't help but love me, if the flying tackle hug I just got for playing with some kids was anything to go by.

 

* * *

 

The next day we're all in the practice room trying to learn the dance for one of our songs, and I can't seem to get this damn footwork right.  
I can see impatience growing on the choreographers face, so I keep trying and trying. Even when the others are taking breaks I'm still going. Trying to get it down as best as I can.  
It's only this one part to. I have the rest of it down pact. It' only this part, and it's driving me crazy. Because I know it's not that hard, it's fairly easy as dances go. But for some reason my body and feet just won't listen to me.

"Here kyunnie, watch my feet and try to copy it." I nod to kihyun and try to copy it, but it just doesn't look right. I tell him as much and hyung just shrugs.  
"Your doing it fairly right from what I can see. It just looks different because the way you move is different from the rest of us." I nod and sigh deeply before just staring at my reflection. I flick my eyes to the choreographer before back to my self.  
"If we can't get you to actually do that dance right we'll have to change the entire thing. To be honest I don't want to do that just because you can't dance. Why they thought someone like you would be able to do this, I have no clue, but we have to get this figured out."

I flinch slightly before moving away, I hear one of my hyungs say something but it's blocked by the door closing behind me. Walking to the bathroom it's just me berating myself and not being able to dance.  
I listen to the inside voice telling me I'm an idiot, and how I'm gonna be kicked from the group I just got ground with. I can feel the tightness in my chest, but ignore it in favor of glaring at myself in the mirror.

_'Worthless'_   
_'Disgusting'_   
_'Useless'_   
_'Ugly'_   
_'You're deluded thinking they actually like you.'_   
_'It's all a game to see how comfortable they can get you before breaking you.'_   
_'You can't dance, or rap. So why are you even here?'_   
_'You should have never won.'_   
_'Ugly'_   
_'Useless'_   
_'Disgusting'_   
_'Worthless'_

I grip my hair in my hands and bend till my head is on the sink and my knees are hovering over the ground. I keep pulling at my hair, telling my self to shut up.

Shut up. __  
'Shut up.'  
 **"Shut up."**

I growl and stand again not seeing the door open as i start yelling at my reflection.   
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut Up!" I slam the palm of my hand into the glass, not hearing the gasp behind me or my name being called. I'm to into telling the voices in my head to shut up.  
"I already know all of these things. So, shut up. Anything you have to tell me about myself I already know!" I can feel my breath leaving my body in quick spurts. My chest finally starts to really hurt making me grab it and go to fall back only to b caught by someone.

"It's okay changkyun. Just breathe." I shake my head and grasp at the hands holding me around my waist. I want them to let me go. I need them to let me go.  
"No changkyun. If I let you go you're just going to hurt yourself more. Breathe with me. Calm down and I'll let you go."  
No. I can still hear them. I can hear the words. I need them to be quiet. Please.  
I guess I said that out loud because the next thing I know my ear are being covered with the hands that were around my waist. and a soft hum is heard through the air around me.

The vibrations from the persons chest along with the sound and the hands over my ears help me focus on the person behind me. I start to calm my breathing. It takes a few moments but I put my head on the persons shoulders and look at them.  
Hyungwon.  
"Hyung." He shushes me and hugs me tightly to him. We just sit there and rock softly while he continues to hum softly. I just watch him with wide eyes that are blurred with the tears that never fell.

"You scared me, changkyun." I nod softly apologizing. "You should have told someone you were that upset. I mean we knew you were upset, it's why I followed you. But I don't think any of us knew about this."  
About the time the door is pushed open, and kihyun along with minhyuk and jooheon come into the bathroom.  
This is just what I need. Jesus, there never going to let me be by myself. "Oh my god, what happened?" I turn and hide my face into hyungwon not wanting them to see me. My hyung explains to them what happened.

"Ah, kyunnie. Did you take your medicine this morning?" I nod and wave my hands around "Yeah, but the medicine doesn't stop them, it just makes it less likely he'll have one." Jooheon answer for me making minhyuk sigh.  
"Well, let's get him cleaned up and to the dorm, where we can watch him. We can take up the dance practice tomorrow when he's more rested." Everyone nods while kihyun and hyungwon help to clean the sweat off and fix my hair.  
"Jesus kyunnie, you dug your nails into your palm. We're gonna have to wait to fix that when we get to the dorm." I nod and lean into kihyun which makes him smile.

"Come on, I'm sure we can get either hoseok or hyunwoo to give you a piggy back ride." I stumble along with my arms thrown over minhyuk and jooheon with kihyun in front and hyungwon behind me. Because for some reason my legs aren't working right.

I smile slightly even with my whole body, and mind hurting. Because the voices were about one thing. My hyungs love me. Maybe not completely. But they do love me in there own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think? Was that okay?
> 
> Well like always, If you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has took me a bit to write, because it's given me some trouble. But I've finally finished it and I hope it was worth the wait.
> 
> Let me know what you think afterwards. Please, I would really like the feed back and what you would like to see or think should happen. I already know how I'm going to end it.  
> It's just a matter of me getting to that point.
> 
> Well anyway enjoy!

**Changkyun's POV:**

I can't remember exactly what the nightmare was about, but I know it scared me badly, and if it wasn't for minhyuk waking me up I would have probably stayed in the nightmare for longer.  
I turn my head more into the shoulder of the hyung holding me. Fingers running through my hair as I breath heavily. It's the first time I've seen minhyuk hyung be calm and relaxed. I guess it's because he see's that it won't help me any if he acts weird or crazy.

As my breathing comes back under control I can here the soft rumble under my ear meaning he's been humming this entire time. I smile softly and more more into him. Who would think I'd be cuddling with the one hyung who treated me the worst of all the members.  
I lift my head and look up to see his eyes red rimmed, but him smiling softly at me.  
"You good now, kyunnie?" I nod because I'm pretty sure the soreness in my throat is from me yelling in my sleep. He sees me grimace when I swallow and makes a face at me.  
"You were yelling really loud, so your throat must be sore. Come on, let's get up and get you some medicine. Kihyun usually stocks up on the throat medicine."

We slowly get out of bed and make our way to the bathroom where he keeps the medicine.  
"It's a good thing the others weren't here. Can you imagine the fuss they'd be making right now?" I smile and shake my head, because he's right. They would be running around like crazy people. Well, everyone but hyunwoo. He would just stand there and watch everyone else while making sure I don't go back to sleep.

"Here we go. Take a swallow of this and it should help." I stare at him incredulously, a swallow. Couldn't I accidentally overdoes? He see's my looks and laughs. "It's what kihyun tells us to do. It works so I don't bother asking." I look at him for a few more seconds before shrugging and doing as he says. I grimace at the taste making him laugh again.  
"Now let's get something to eat, and after it's shower time for you. You were sweating a lot so your going to need one." I nod and sit down to watch him flit around the kitchen. Usually he's not allowed, well he's not allowed at all.

I jump up and stop him from putting the bowl in the microwave. He goes to say something and I grab the spoon out of the bowl and wave it around in the air. He makes an 'Oh yeah' face and smile sheepishly.  
"Go sit down, hyung. I got this." He laughs and does so watching me now. "I really suck at this cooking stuff, huh?" I just give a look making him snicker.  
After a few minutes I put down two bowls of oatmeal and two cups of milk. We continue to talk about little things as we eat, and continue to talk as he does what little dishes there are.

"Do you remember your nightmare, kyunnie?" I shake my head with scowl. "To be honest, hyung. I don't want to remember." He nods and sits beside me.  
"I wouldn't want to remember my nightmares either. I mean there nightmares for a reason." I pat his stomach and stand up.  
"I'm going to take a show hyung." He stands and heads to the room with me. "You do that. I'll put our sheets and blankets in the washroom. You were really sweating, and I don't think either of us want to sleep in that." I move to the shower room and stand infront of the mirror watching my face.

I was telling the truth saying I don't remember my nightmare. But what I didn't say was bits and pieces were coming back to me.  
Images of my mother standing over me with a hanger yelling about how it's my fault my sister died. Of my father telling me I'm useless. Then the last image, the on that really makes everything worse. Is my hyungs, not just monsta x but my nu'buility hyungs to, telling me that this was fake.  
That none of them loved, or cared for me. Of jongyeon saying that he hated me, and he never wanted anything to do with me. That it was my fault Nu'bility ended.

I grip my head, and breath heavily, trying to push the images out of my head. "Hey, changkyun. You might want to take a quick shower. The others are on the way home, and you know how they can be." Minhyuk's voice knocks me out of my head.  
"Okay, hyung." I step into the shower and keep repeating that none of its real and that my hyungs love me.

As I leave the bathroom I the hyungs come into the house, and with a smile I walk out to them. Ignoring the voices in my head I continue to smile and laugh.

Hyungwon hyung told me that the voices will always be there. But it's a matter if I will listen to them. If I let them win. He said as long as I ignore them, everything will be okay. Because in reality I know their lying. I know that don't speak the truth.  
So as long as I hold onto that. Everything will be just fine.

 

* * *

 

 

"Wah! I need to get home." I rush to gather my things after a late night at the studio. So I wouldn't get in to trouble I told the hyungs before hand I was going to stay out an hour late, because I have a deadline to finish on these lyrics.  
As I leave the studio and rush to the elevator, I don't see them until it's to late.  
"Well, Well, Well. Look who it is boys." I groan silently and turn to see them entering the elevator with me. I push my self into the corner watching their every move.  
"We haven't see you in a while. Where have you been changkyunie?" I wince at the disrespectful tone and use of my name.  
"We've been trying to get a hold of you. We need to have a talk." I roll my eyes and make my stance seem relaxed and unbothered. "What now?" I see his eyes narrow in anger but I don't let it bother me much. The other two move to help box me in. For now I'll let it be, I want to smirk, but that would give it away.

I slip my hand into my jeans and hit the button on the recorder I bought last week.  
"What do we need to talk about now? Didn't you do enough damage last week, when you hurt my side." The guy snickers and shrugs. "That was just a trial run. I had to see if you were going to run back to those idiot hyungs of yours."  
I growl lowly and step forward into his face. "Watch what you say about them. That is not something you want to do." He grins and leans closer to me. "Yeah, and what are you going to do about it? Nothing, that's what. Remember what the CEO said changkyunie."

He pushes me back into the wall and his cronies grab my arms holding them against the wall. "We need to teach you a lesson. We need to show you that cheaters never prosper." I roll my eyes at that.  
"Seriously, even the CEO has said that I didn't cheat. Don't you have better reasoning. Or maybe your doing this because your starting to see your faults and the reasons your not ever going to debut yourselves."

I see the hit coming and I don't bother stifling the groan. I'm recording this so they need to know whats going on.  
"You know hurting you last time wasn't enough. I wonder what story you'll come up with for this." Next thing I know I'm on the ground with the other two holding me down and him stomping on my arm and wrist.  
I cry out but refuse to tell them to stop or anything else. Because history will show that, that will make them hurt me worse.

After a while they stop and I can see my wrist and forearm is covered in bruises and Jesus does that shit hurt.  
"Maybe that will teach you to shut your mouth." And of course I just can't control my mouth. "Yeah and maybe you'll learn that your a screw up at anything in life but hurting others." The kick to my side makes me scream out. They all laugh and leave me on the elevator that has finally come to a stop.

For some reason I don't think about why the elevator just now stops. I groan and roll to my side to grab the phone out of my pocket,

"Hello." I smile softly at the voice on the other side. "Hey hyung, I need some help. Think you could come get me from the front of my company building." He of course freaks and I can hear him rushing around his room.

"Oh my god! Changkyun, what happened to you?" I just chuckle and let byunghwa help me into the car. "I need you to take me to the clinic we went to when were in Special K and-"  
"-and we didn't want anyone to know that something was wrong with us. Yeah, I remember the place." He interrupts me of course. "Changkyun, What happened?" The look he gives me has me spilling everything without a thought, and at the end I feel both better and worse.  
"We'll talk about this in more detail after we get you seen, Okay?" I nod and follow him into the doctor's office.

 

* * *

 

 

"Well, at least it's not broken. It's just a fracture and some swelling." I nod and watch him from my seat as he pulls out of the doctors office and onto the road.  
"So, are you going to tell them?" I sigh closing my eyes and laid my head back on the head rest.  
"No, hyung. I'm not telling them. I can't tell them." He sighs and pats my thigh with his free hand. "Changkyun, They're going to find out any way, so why not tell them before they find out from someone else. They're going to be angry if it comes from someone else."

I don't answer because I know he's right. I know I'm going to have to tell them. But at least I recorded them so now I have evidence.  
"Wait! I recorded them." Hyung looks at me and shakes his head. "So instead of trying to get away you let them beat you up and recorded everything." I nod enthusiastically while digging into my pants pockets.  
"Ah ha! Listen." And sure enough there it was. I laughed at the fact that those idiots got caught.

"What are you going to do with it?" I shrug my shoulders still smiling slightly.  
"I know I should probably turn them in, but I don't want to ruin there careers." Hyung rolls his eyes and groans.   
"You realize they could ruin your career if they keep attacking you like this." I nod slowly but shrug my shoulders again.  
"Yeah, your right. But I'm not them. I can't consciously ruin another persons career. It's not in me to do something like that. No matter how much chit they out me through."

Hyung reaches over and hits me in the back the head laughing at the same time as scolding me.  
"Yah! Can you watch your language, brat?" I laugh and rub the spot when we pull up infront of my building. He puts the car in idle and turns to look at me with a serious expression.  
"What are you going to tell them about that?" I sigh and look out the window up to my dorm where I can see a light on. "Not the truth, that's for sure. I mean can you imagine what minhyuk hyung, kihyun hyung, and jooheon hyung will do if you found out about those three?" He laughs and watches me shiver at the very thought.

"They'll never find their bodies." I chuckle and move to open the door before turning and hugging my hyung tightly. "Thank you for coming and helping me." He pats my back before pulling back and looking me in the eye.  
"Hyung will always be there to help you. Now, get out before kihyun attacks me." I smile and get out while staring at my hyung who came out of no where.

I stand there and look at him, looking at me. "Now, hyung. Don't be upset, but I had an accident. I didn't call you all because I didn't know if you were asleep or not, so I called byunghwa hyung." He just crosses his arms.  
"But I might have hurt my arm. Don't ask me how because I really don't want to further embarrass myself." He shifts his body to the side and motions for me to come to him. As I walk I notice how stressed he looks, and I instantly feel bad. Plus his not talking is putting me on edge.  
I show him my arm that's bandaged up and has a soft cast over it. "I knew you would want to know everything, So I had the doctor print everything you would need to know out for you." He takes and grabs my good hand before pulling me behind him.

"Hyung?" He looks back at me and sighs when he see's the worried look on his face. "You scared me, no you scared us. We have all been waiting up for you, texting and calling, and nothing. Then you show up and your hurt. The other's don't know yet, but I'm sure there going to be just as upset."

I sigh and nod. "I know hyung, funny enough I was on my way home when I got hurt. The doctor actually said it was pure bad luck to hurt my arm as bad as I did from just a fall." Lies. Lies Lies.  
I close my eyes and let him lead. I need to tell them. But I can't. It would not only make things worse but they could get hurt to. I won't allow that. I can't.

Going into the dorm was hell. Yelling and talking. Dissapointed look's, then head shaking and soft sighs. They were so upset not only that I never texted any of them, but that I called byunghwa hyung and not them. I won't tell them the real reason as to why I called him, but I can tell them a partial truth.  
"I called him because I didn't want to go to the hospital. So I had him take me to a doctor we use to go to as trainees with Special K. He's really good, and he's very quiet. He has alot of idols and trainees that go to him so that management or social media won't find out."

They take this as the whole truth with no problem. Well all but one. Hoseok. He just keeps staring at me, like he knew something I didn't. And honestly I didn't like it at all. But I just tried not to fidget, before excusing my self to take a shower.

I take a deep breath one I'm away from my hyungs, and in the safety of the bathroom. I did good. No on suspected anything, well, hoseok did, but I don't think it's about how I got hurt, more like why I called byunghwa hyung. But he can't prove anything so we're all good on that front.

I pull out the recording device and stare at it. I don't dare play it with my hyungs so close. So instead I just stare at it. Wondering what I'm going to do. I already have an idea, but I have to be very careful.  
One wrong move and it'll make everything worse. But the right move will make sure they will never bother me again. Let's hope for the best but expect the worse, or however that saying goes.

I look in the mirror and sigh at the mess I look. Not cuts and bruises like you would think. No, dark bags, messy hair, and tired eyes.   
God, I'm tired. I'm so tired of being hurt. But hopefully this will be the end. Hopefully, I won't have to deal with this for much longer and I can finally have a life with my hyungs without lies and pain.

Because god would I sell my soul if it ment I can go a year without being hurt. whether mentally or physically. I just want to not be tired and in pain.

I want to be happy.  
I want to stop telling lies.  
I want to be the Im Changkyun that everyone wants me to be.

I look up and meet the familiar browns looks back at me and see a light in them I haven't seem since I left me dad.

I will be happy.  
I will stop telling lies.  
I will be the Im Changkyun that everyone wants me to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? I hope it was alright.
> 
> Any who, Remember if you see any typo's or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry it took so long for this next chapter. Life just got in the way, but I'm hopefully back now and will be updating like was before.  
> This is just a filler chapter until to tide you over till I finish the next one, and to let you know I didn't abandon this story.  
> I think there may be only 5-6 chapter left. It all depends on what my brain does to be honest.
> 
> Well let me know what you think?

**Changkyun POV:**

Glaring at the myself in the mirror I can still hear the staff member's talking about my acne scares and about how they don't know if they'll ever make my face look without makeup.  
It aggravating. I look just fine barefaced. But they have to make it seem like I look like Shrek without makeup. I roll my eyes and turn back to my hyungs who are cooling off after a few hours of dance practice.  
I can't help but glare at hoseok hyung, he always looks good with or without makeup, Sweaty or not sweaty. It's not fair.

God, I just sounded like a maknae. I shake my head and finish wiping the sweat away when a large hand lands on my shoulder.  
"You look fine changkyun. Ignore what they said. They're mad because they can't control everything about us so they're taking it out on us."  
I nod and laugh when kihyun growls.  
"Did you hear what they said about my height? 'Maybe he'll actually look taller if we put him in heels?' I don't need heels. I'm perfectly fine at my height. I can take anyone down with just a look, so why would I need to become taller, and if there's anyone I can't take. I'll just get hyunwoo hyung and hoseok hyung."

Everyone laughs at his sassy look and comments. It's to expected from him at this point. To be honest our day wouldn't be complete without some sassy comment from the short man.   
"You think you got it bad. They told me that I need to start eating more or else I'm gonna float away or break in half. It's like they don't see me eating, ever! And jooheon! They told he needed to stop eating so much. Him! He eats just fine. He's perfect. We're all perfect. They just want something to bitch about. So they are nick picking."

I smile at hyungwon who looks so annoyed yet regal at the same time. Jooheon is pouting and looks so adorably I really can't believe I'm the maknae at times.

"Are we sure hyung isn't the maknae of the group?" Everyone laughs at my comment while jooheon turns red and launches at me making me giggle and rush out of his way.  
"Yah! I'll show you, you brat." For the next few minutes I play keep away until hoseok hyung grabs my arm and lets jooheon catch me.  
"Nooo! Hyung, Betrayal!!" They all laugh and my exaggerated face and words.

After a while of playing we head out to go to the dorm. My phone buzzes with a voice message.  
I open it as we pull out of the building and we're bombarded with yeonie's screams of laughter and my other hyungs talking all at once. I smile when I hear them, especially when taehyuk hyung yells for everyone to be quiet.

"Now that all the craziness is over with-"  
"For now- Ah hyung I'm sorry! Don't hurt me." I laugh at yeonie and jeongwook.  
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. We wanted to know if you an your members wanted to go out to eat. We're bored and we want to see you."

I look at my members for an answer. Thankfully they all agree. So, I text back to let us shower ans we'd be there.  
"Thank you for coming with me." Hyunwoo pats me on my head and smiles.  
"You don't have to thank us. Besides we have to make up for what happened last time." I see him through a unheated glare at minhyuk and hoseok. Who look embarrassed but nod without hesitating.  
"We will apologize. We've been meaning to, but we don't have there numbers and we aren't close enough with them to just send random text messages."  
Hyunwoo nods satisfied. I lay my head back on his shoulder and doze off, buzzing with happiness at seeing my hyungs.

 

* * *

 

 

"HYUNG!!!" I'm tackled by yeonie who is laughing and hugging me tightly. I can't help but pull him closer and bury my head in his shoulder as he does the same for me. We stand there for minute while the other talk giving us privacy.  
I'm thankful they understand the bond I share with these guys. Yeonie especially. As I pull away the other crowd around and hug me. I only react negatively when byunghwa hyung tries to kiss me. Again.

"When will you stop that?" He just cackles and walks into the restaurant with jeongwook pushing him and grinning at me.  
I shake my head and grab yeonie and jooheon to pull them with me. Once we're seated I notice minhyuk and hoseok fidgeting slightly, I realize what's happening when the both stand up and bow lowly.  
"We're sorry for how we acted before." Minhyuk stands up pulling hoseok with him. "We were upset. But we had no reason to take it out on all of you. Especially changkyun." I smile brightly at them making my hyungs smile back at me softly.

It's taehyuk who responds, "It's okay, now. But your right that you had no reason to take it out on him. So, thank you for apologizing and taking care of him." He turns to me and rubs my head making me turn red, but I don't pull away.  
"Oh, changkyun. I forgot but here. Eomma sent me this for you. She said it will help your acne. It's what my cousins have been using and it's really helping." I take the jar and thank him.  
Soon we're ordering and arguing over what to argue. I just lean back with jongyeon curled into my side and me resting again jooheon. I watch and feel a contentment come over me.

I have ten people who care about me.  
Ten people who love me.  
Who care for me despite our differences.  
I smile softly and tighten my arm around jongyeon which makes him smile up at me.  
"Come on lets go outside for a minute. I'm burning up in here." I nod and follow him outside after telling the hyungs where we're going.  
Once outside I lean against the wall and watch him spin in circles while singing some song stuck in his head.

Soon I hear this guitar being strummed and look up to see an older gentleman sitting a little ways away from us.  
He seems familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. He looks up and I jolt forward toward him smile largely while jongyeon follows behind confused.  
"It's you, hyung." He smiles and pats the ground next to him. "Yes it is, and I see you have a friend this time." I can't help but boast. "I have ten. But there in the restaurant." He laughs and claps my shoulder. "So did you take my advice kid?" I nod and pull jongyeon down next to me.

"Yes sir. I've also debuted with a group called monsta x. This is my best friend jongyeon. He didn't debut with us but he's close to it." He smiles and strums his guitar.  
"You know I saw that father of yours around after you disappeared. He seemed lost for some reason. But between you and me. He needs to be the one that's lost."  
I smile and we sit there and talk until out names are being called. I look back to see byunghwa and kihyun coming towards with weird expressions on there faces.

"Hyung, This is the man I told you about. The one who helped gain the courage to join Special K." Byunghwa smiled brightly and shook the mans hand.  
"Ah, I remember. Thank you for that. We would have never met our kyunnie without your help." The man smiles and welcomes him. Kihyun looks confused but I motion that I will tell him later.

We get up to head back inside. But I drop a could bit of my pocket money into the hat infront of him.  
I deny taking it back with a firm voice. "No. You were one of the few people who helped me more than you will ever know. It's only right I give you back something, even if it's so little. I need to." He smiles and nods.  
"You don't understand how much your words and words helped me. I doubt you'll ever truly grasp it. But hopefully what little money I can give you will show you that I'm extremely grateful toward you." I watch him smile softly looking down at his hands before he looks up at me and shrugs."  
"I didn't like seeing that look on your face. It reminded me to much of myself. And I'll be keeping an eye on monsta x, I.M."

We head inside but I notice kihyun slip back outside for a few minutes.  
When he see's me looking at him he just shrugs. "He looked a little hungry." I smile knowingly.  
It's like fate to see him again. He who helped me more than he'll ever know. I smile at the people around me. My hyungs and yeonie.  
My family.

I can't help but wonder who else I'll meet from my past. And if I'll ever get to thank some of them. I sit there and think about everything and realize what he called me. Heh. Old man knows more than he lets on, huh? I just shrug my shoulder's and focus on my family.  
Loud with laughter and happiness. Smiling to big and talking to loud. I see others giving us dirty looks but I honestly don't care.

 

I'm happy, and hopefully one day I'll be able to thank the ones who helped me get to this point in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is shorter than most of my other chapters, but I hope you still liked it. And how did you feel me showing you the old man after so long?
> 
> I want him to get closure from a couple of different people. Not everyone from his past will pop up but a couple will. So I hope you all liked this and will continue to like it in the future.
> 
> Like always, let me know what you think, and if you've seen and missing words or typos.
> 
> Thank you


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took alot out of me to be honest. But it was worth it, completely worth it.  
> I hope you all love it as much as I do!
> 
> Let me know what you guys think, K?

**Changkyun's POV:**

I watch as they come closer and just sigh. This isn't going to stop but I'm still trying to get everything in place. I can't let them know about the recording yet. But I'm getting tired of this crap.  
"God, why did they debut you? Your rap is sub-par at best, and lets not even go into your dancing and looks." He pushes my head and thumps my chest with his hands.  
I glare and it makes him laugh because he knows I can't do anything. But to be honest, I'm really close to break all their hands.

Okay.  
Maybe not that far, But I'm close to breaking something.

I watch as they continue to nick pick and talk shit. I guess they get tired of it and push me into the mirror. Wrong move.  
"What the hell are you doing?" Damnit hyung. "Whatever we like muscle pig." I growl and launch forward pressing one of the main ones goons in to the mirror with my arm against his throat.  
"I might seem weak, But believe me. I'm not. You can talk all the shit about me you want. Do what you want. But don't you EVER say shit about my hyungs again." I see the guys eyes flicker with fear before my hyung calls me over.

I shove my forearm into his throat one last time making him wheeze before I go to hoseok.  
"You can't put your hands on us. You know that was against the rules Chang-kyunnie." I roll my eyes and smirk while turning to them and leading my hyung out of the room.  
"I don't know what your talking about. I didn't touch anyone. See, you have no proof, and who are they really gonna believe? You, Some bully who is known for telling lies. Or me, The one who hasn't touched or gotten into any fights in long time?" I cackle as I walk out pushing my hyung with me.  
As the door shuts I see the looks on their faces and realize I'm gonna have to put the plan into action alot sooner than I wanted.

But first.

"Changkyun, What was that just now?" I sigh and turn to look at my hyung who has a indescribable look on his face.  
"Life, hyung. Life." I see the confusion on his face and smile slightly.  
"It's nothing new to me hyung. I'm quite use to people being upset or mad that I'm doing good and try to tear it all down. I've learned how to deal with in a calm manner since manager-nim and the CEO put a ban on anything physical for me."

He nods but gets a serious look on his face. "If anything like that happens again you will tell me. For now I'll keep this to myself because the look on that kids face makes me think they'll leave you alone, But just in case I want you to tell me."  
I nod to appease him, But knowing it wont happen again, "It won't be happening again after today, Promise." He nods again and then explains why he was there in the first place.

I nod along to him but sink into my mind. I already know what I was going to do. But I didn't want to do it yet. But it looks like I'm going to have to.  
With a sigh I follow him into the practice room. I light up seeing my hyungs and quickly join in them ignoring the matter for now.  
I throw hoseok a quick look making him nod and smile at me.

 

* * *

 

 

**_'Deep breathe. Deep Breathe'_ **

I barge into the room without a second thought. I grab his shirt with my hand and shove him into the wall. I give his goonies a glare before turning to him with a smirk.  
"Now changkyun, You know you can't do this." I laugh light and shrug.  
"I'm not gonna harm a hair on your head. I just felt like being dramatic." I let him go and pat his shoulders before walking over to the computer they had out and plugging in the USB drive.

"Now, before I play this. We're going to have a little talk, and you're going to listen well." I turn to see the goons looking at him worriedly and looking to the asshat, who looks pissed but waves his arms for em to continue.  
"This is one of many copies so I'll let you keep this one as a reminder. But plain and simple." I shrug and cackle at the same time setting them one edge.  
"Your three of few people that have very distinct voices, and the fact that you said each others names helps to, but we wont talk about that."

I hit the play button, and as their voices fill the air surrounding us, horror and fear crosses all their faces. I let it play for a few minutes longer before pausing it and look at them grinning widely.  
"Now, this is what we're going to do. I won't turn this in, but you will leave me and mine alone. And I mean, Alone. Like you won't look, stand, or even breathe in their direction. Your also going to stop bullying anyone and everyone."  
I see the looks on their faces and get complete satisfaction of their anger and fear.  
"If I catch even a whisper of you doing anything... Untoward. I will give this immediately to the CEO without a second thought of your career. I'm not the type of person to ruin someone else life no matter what they do to me. So here's your second chance guys."  
I pull out the USB and toss it to asshat with a grin and he glares at me.

"Don't fuck it up."

I whistle and skip slightly as I walk out and away from the room.  
I'm still whistling and now grinning as I walk into the practice room.  
"What are you grinning about kyunnie?" I hug kihyun making him laugh and pat me on the back.  
"I'm just happy hyung. Really, really happy." He giggles slightly and pats my back.  
"Good. I'm glad your happy, but your about not to be." I pull back and look at him with worry.

"Our choreographer changed the dance again." He pulls back and grins at the look on my face, before walking away.  
"What?! Hyung! Tell me your lying. Hyunwoo hyung, tell me she didn't change the dance."  
As I watch the hyung peel in laughter or in hyunwoo's direction bear like laughter, I think about something making me laugh for a different reason.

'I guess I forgot to mention that the camera's in the elevator work, and that the company checks the monthly. It'll only be a few more days before I never have to worry about them again.'

Heh. Oh, well.  
Karma's A Bitch.

 

* * *

 

 

I watch my hyungs file into the living room with a sense of dread. I've come to the realization that I'm going to have to tell them. Especially if the staff see the elevator footage and say something about it.  
I don't want them to think I didn't want their help. I just didn't need it. I sigh knowing that this will go bad no matter what I say, but I have to hope that they will let me explain properly.

"You said you had something to talk to us about kyunnie." I nod silently before taking a deep breath.  
"Yeah, but first let me say I'm sorry, and I didn't not tell you because I didn't trust. It was the opposite actually, But I have to tell you now, because I don't want you to find out any other way."  
I can see their confusion and realization on hoseok's face. I shake my head to tell him not to say anything yet.

"I've been get bullied, and not your usual run of the mill verbal abuse. But full on physical abuse. I didn't tell you because I know at least three of you would go off the deep in. So I've been record everything I can to blackmail them into leaving me alone, or at least that's what I lead them to believe. In reality they cornered me in the elevator one day and the idiots forgot there are camera's in them."

I look up to see anger and distress on their faces. I sigh and hold out the arm that just came out of the brace it's been in for a couple of weeks.  
"They are the reason my arm was hurt so bad. Two of them held me down while the other stomped on it." I take a deep breath and wave my hand towards my side.

"The time I said I lost my footing in the bathroom was they actually kneed me and hit me a couple of times, and today they would have hurt me if hoseok hyung hadn't of walked in. But when the staff finds that footage of the elevator I didn't want you to find out from someone else, because I know it would have made you angrier."

I'm looking at my hands so I don't see kihyun move until I'm in his arms.  
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell us? Yes, your right we would have went of the deep end, but your our maknae. Our's. Our's to protect. Our's to care for. We are suppose to protect you." I sniffle slightly because I can feel the tears coming but I'm trying to not cry.  
Soon another set of arms are joining and then another, and suddenly all of my members are surrounding me. Even hyunwoo hyung.  
"I'm sorry. I just didn't want you getting in trouble for me. I know it sounds silly but I've never really had someone protect me in that way. My Nu'bility hyungs never had to, so I've never had to be protected. I've always done the protecting. I'm sorry. I really am, but I didn't know how. Or if I even could."

Hyunwoo sighs and rubs my hair while jooheon and minhyuk snuggle into either side of my neck. I smile as hyungwon moves behind me and cuddles me into his chest. Kihyun is still hugging me with hoseok curling his arm around him to touch me.  
I feel safe and protected, and I tell them as much.  
"I can count on one hand the amount of time's I've felt so safe. I'm sorry for not telling you, But I'm not sorry for not letting you get yourselves in trouble."

After awhile we all move away, well except for hyungwon and jooheon, the first stays cuddled up to my back and the latter curls against my chest.  
As we sit there I see minhyuk pacing and hear kihyun slamming things in the kitchen. I know they are not and at me anymore but I can tell their angry at the trainee's, who's names I refused to tell them to.  
"I just want to talk to them changkyun." I grin and shake my head minhyuk trying talk me into it.  
"Not happening hyung. I know you a little better than to just give you their names. I'm really no THAT stupid." He huffs and slams his body onto the floor making the three of us flinch and kihyun to run into the living room.

He glares and minhyuk before walking away mumbling about blonde idiots and other unsavory things that make the three of us giggle and minhyuk act offended.

 

* * *

 

 

"Kihyun hyung." I walk into the living room and see him just staring at the wall.  
"It's the middle of the night hyung. Come to bed." He nods and turns to me. "I should have figured it out. I know the signs of it. I've seen people being bullied before. I also should have known that you couldn't hurt your arm that bad from just a fall. I've seen people fall the way you said you fell. But I didn't catch it. I was to busy in my own head to notice it. I'm such a bad hyu-"

I launch myself at him surprising him into falling back onto the couch huffing as I climb onto his chest in a manner unlike myself,  
"No! Your the best hyung. Your my favorite. But you can't minhyuk or jooheon that." He smiles and starts to run his fingers in my hair.  
"You couldn't have known hyung. You have to remember I was raised to hide things, and hide them well. If I didn't want you to know something. You wouldn't have known. You didn't know. I know now I should have told you, but I just couldn't make myself do that. I'm sorry, I really am hyung."

He sighs and lays his head back closing his eyes. "I know you are. But I hope you know that you've lost trust, and that we will be keeping a closer eye one you."  
I let out a deep breathe and nod against him. "I know, and I understand, hyung." I look up at him and smile brightly making him laugh and push me off of him.  
"Come on, maknae lets go to bed." I nod and follow him. Before we get into bed I just stand and look at him making him roll his eyes and lift his blanket for me to clamber in next to him.

I don't usually do things like this, but I feel like I need it. And I know my hyung does.

But I might have forgotten that if someone is cuddling without minhyuk you wake up with a body slamming on top of you and whoever your cuddling with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, what did you think? Was it to fast paced or was it alright?
> 
> Well, anyway, like always let me know if you see any typos or missing words.
> 
> Thank you!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm not in any way shape or form happy about this chapter. I mean it's not horrible, and it's not extremely short.  
> But I'm just not happy with it. I might come back someday and rewrite it, but not anytime soon. I needed to get this chapter out of the way, and I hope you guys like it.
> 
> Well, any who enjoy!

**Changkyun's POV:**

"Alright kids, gather around." We walk over from the rough housing and wrestling me, jooheon, and minhyuk were doing. Or, well it's more like trying to take hyunwoo down, and having no luck what-so-ever. He grins smugly as we glare at him.  
"Alright so we have a big performance coming up and we want to have rap solo for you two." Jooheon smiles brightly fist pump, and I jump in place making hoseok grab my shoulder so I don't go tumbling over from over excitement.

"So I've had two rappers that are here from another company come to help you. They are duo group. Been together for a long time. They agreed to help you get the type of flow between each other like they have or at least as close to it."  
We watch the door wait for them to come in, and when they do I do not squeal like a teenage girl and tackle the two surprised, but laughing rappers.  
"Hyungs! Ah, I never thought I would ever see you again." They laugh and hug me between them. We got into our talking, overlapping each other ignoring everything else around us.

"Umm, Changkyun ah?" I turn to see my hyungs and the manager looking at us weirdly.  
"Oops. Heh heh." I walk over to my hyungs, "This is chan hyung and jun hyung. They are the two rappers I was telling you about. The ones who taught me how to rap originally." I see the confusion leave their faces and they quickly greet and thank them for being one of the reason's they have me.

"Nah, it's not a problem. Changkyun was a good kid. I only wish things didn't end they way they did." I see chan walk over and slip an arm around my shoulders except I'm about the same height as him now so it's awkward, but he really doesn't seem to care.  
"But I would like to know how you became a rapper, and how you got away from the monster?" I sigh as our manager leaves us to talk, and explain to them everything that happened. Or more like leave me to explain everything.

I can see the anger on their faces when they realize what I've been through but I can also see the relief they feel when things got better between me and the hyungs. Jun laughs and puts me in a headlock making me groan.  
"I remember someone being to scared to even perform infront of ten people now your doing it infront of hundreds." Soon stories were flying between the hyungs and I'm sitting on the sidelines red faced, and embarrassed as hell.

Finally after awhile of talking about me, and embarrassing me, we finally get down to business.  
"Alright, We're here to help you get the type of chemistry that all rap duos should have together. While you have a good chemistry as a group."  
Jun picks up where chan stops, and waves his hands to my hyungs before motioning between me and jooheon, "By yourselves you need to put more oomph, because people have to be able to feel the chemistry between you with just a look. Rapper's are all about movement, chemistry, and flow. If you don't have that then no one's going to take interest. Now, you might have them separately but you need to have them together. You need to learn how to bounce off of each other without a moments notice. You need to anticipate when the other is going to go hard, or going to slow it down."

Jun and chan motion for us to follow him more into the room.  
"Here Changkyun, put on track 2 for me." I do what he says and recognize the track immediately. I laugh while turning to my hyungs seeing the grin before they start rapping. Flipping lyrics off each other with an ease that years and trust have built.  
They know when the other will stop and when the other will interrupt. There's no hogging, or trying to out do the other, they just flow together.  
By the end I'm clapping and smiling while my other hyungs are slack jawed, and jooheon's eyes are wide with wonder and awe. My hyungs are awesome. I've always known it, but it's about time other's saw it to.

"Now that track doesn't have a set of lyrics. It's the track we use when we want to free style and make sure we still have that trust."  
Chan waves to me and jooheon. "By the end of this you two will either be able to do it too. Or will be as close as possible. It takes a while to get to this point, unless you have infallible trust in each other, because if you don't."  
He shrugs before jun throws an arm around him. "We've been best friends since we were born. Literally two days apart." He laughs as chan scowls.  
"And he never forgets to hold those two days over me." I grin as they start to banter with each other.

Jooheon leans his arm against my shoulder making me grin at him.  
"We'll have that. I mean your already my best friend, and we know just about everything about each other. So, we'll be just like that or better." I laugh and nod making him grin and we bump fists not seeing the fond grins we get from all the hyungs.

 

* * *

 

Day's and weeks pass. We just keep getting better and better. Yeah, there were hiccups. Because while we're both rappers are styles are different. While my rap is more smooth and deep, jooheons is strong and fast. We had to learn to make them mesh together perfectly, and it took a week or two before we got it, but we did.

  
"We were great." We grin at the jun and chan making them shake their heads fondly. As time's passed we've gotten to that point where trust is a thing of the past, just the other day we were rapping and I flipped my mike over my shoulder because I just knew jooheon was going to be there and sure enough he was, and he picked up right were I left off. It impressed not only our hyungs but managements to.  
"Have you guys picked out the beat to which you'll be rapping about?" We nod at them while they look expectantly.  
"Oh, no. We won't be telling you." They look offended at jooheons words making me laugh and put my finger against my lips.  
"It's a secret." We all laugh before leaving the practice room.

The looks they give us are hilarious. They've been trying to find out what we'll be rapping to, and about. And to be honest it wasn't until last week that we were able to figure it out ourselves. I'm knocked out of my thinking when jun throws and arm over my shoulder and nudges me forward.

"Let's get some food, invite the others. Because I think it's time for us to tell you some more of changkyuns time with us." I groan as the three laugh, but diligently message the others to meet us.

 

* * *

 

"And for some reason changkyun thought he could jump and 8 foot wall with barely any momentum and with as short as he was, let's just say he didn't make it. But it did make us realize that the kid had a stubborn streak a mile long."  
As everyone sat around laughing about my misfortune as a teenager, I can't help but look around at everyone and smile softly. Kihyun was leaning against hyungwon laughing that loud laugh of his that makes everyone stare, while hyungwon was hiding his smile and laughter behind his hand with his arm wrapped around kihyuns chest to keep him from falling.

Jooheon was had his head pressed to the table almost shaking it with his laughter with minhyuk flopped over top of him laughing with that overly loud laugh that you would think is him exaggerating but it's not, its just how he laughs.  
Hyunwoo is laughing to but not as loud as the others but he's also keep a hand on hoseok, who is almost out of his chair with laughing so loud, he's also hitting me on my arm, but I've gotten good at ignoring him.  
Then there's jun and chan. Who are also laughing but they're also watching the others and me. They see me watching everyone and nod at me in a way that reassures me that everything is going to be alright.

That nothing is going to go wrong now. I have my members from both of my groups. I have my hyungs from my past to remind me of where I came from and to never let the fame get to my head, and I have myself. I have me, who no matter what happens can bounce back with barely any problems because I have my hyungs there to help me fix whatever get's broken on the way down.

I join the laughter when hoseok manages to bring hyunwoo down with him to the floor making hyungwon laugh so hard he lose's his grip on kihyun who also ends up on the floor.  
I know everyone is stare at the group of boys who are laughing to loudly, but I can't bring myself to care. Because these are my hyungs, my family, and I know no matter what the future brings. I can meet it head on, and know I'll never have to fear that I will be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think?  
> Yes I know it's not nearly as long as my other chapters, but I promise the next one is going to be long like normal.
> 
> Any way, Like always if you see any typo's or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more after this one!
> 
> Ah! This chapter makes me cry, and happy. I really love this chapter, and I hope you all love it just as much as I do.

**Changkyun's POV:**

I stand and stretch out my arms and legs. I look at my hyungs who are all sitting around the laptop watching the choreo we've learned. They want to make sure everything is perfect for the show we have in two days. But it's time for a break.  
"Hyungs, I'm going to go down to the convenience store to get some snacks. What all do you want?" Soon enough they are crowding me telling me what to get,  
"Alright! Write all down on a piece of paper or even text it to me. That is way to much for me to remember on my own."

They all laugh and text it to me from kihyuns phone. I tell the managers were I'm going so they don't flip if I'm gone to long.  
Once outside I take deep breathe looking up at the night sky. I can't really see the stars because of all the street lights, but I can imagine them.  
I walk toward the store that's right down the block with a skip in my step rapping my part in of our songs softly.  
_'Wait a minute girl_  
_Let's take it slower_  
_Let's take it slow,_  
_I think it's a bit fast right now_  
_You know I've fallen so deeply for you,'_

I watch the people that are still out walking around smile softly. Theirs a dad holding his sleeping little girl. A mom playing chase with her two sons. A boyfriend and girlfriend holding hands taking secret looks at each other.  
I chuckle softly as I walk up to the store out front if the old man who runs it. He's always so nice to us. He's never treated us differently even though we're idols. "Let me help you, pops." He glares at me but allows me to take a couple of the crates from him.  
"I'm guessing your here for you and those brothers of yours." I grin slightly at him calling them my brothers. I set the crates down before turning to him too see him eyeing em up like usual.  
"Yes sir, I decided they needed a break so I came to get some snacks." He nods handing me a basket and pushing me to get snacks. "Well, go on. You look like your going fly away with how skinny you are. I can only imagine how the tall one is."

I laugh because he's right hyungwon is skinny enough he probably could fly away with the wind. But funnily enough he eats enough for all of us. You just don't see him do it.  
I walk around throwing things from the list into the basket. Steadily rapping away,  
_'I can't escape_  
_I need some air_  
_I need to breathe_  
_Can you put an oxygen mask on my lips_  
_I want your lips to touch mine_  
_I just wanna open my eyes with you.'_

I see pops smiling at me and i grin back making the old man shake his head before starting to ring the stuff up.  
"You boys and all this junk food isn't healthy." I nod along because he's right. "I know, but kihyun hyung only let's us eat junk food when we're doing dance practice late into the night, because we'll just burn it off."  
He shakes his head at me but lets it go, he learned long ago to give up on things like this. "Well, you be careful getting back now. I know it's only a little ways, but still you never know what could happen." I smile and pat his hand before walking out the store.

I see that the people that were out before are no longer there. Honestly it's deserted. I pick up my pace slightly wanting to get back soon.  
I hear foot steps behind me, but I don't think anything of it. There were other people in the store, I just ignored them.  
"Changkyun." I stutter in my walk for a second, but I keep going at slightly faster pace. It would be just my luck to get caught be a crazy fan, at night, by myself.

"Wait, changkyun!" I growl and look over my shoulder. I really shouldn't have. I should have kept going and ignored her, I should have ran when I had the chance. I stop and slowly turn to stare at the woman behind.  
She also came to a stop several paces away from me. He eyes so much like my own roam over my face, I take a shuttering breath.

"Mom."

I see her lips purse and her hands shake. "I'm so sorry." I take a step back and proceed to turn and run. I hear her yelling after me. But I can't stop, I refuse to stop.  
Suddenly I barrel right into someone and drop the bags of food.  
"Changkyun!" I turn my head to see her getting closer and whimper. I look up and to my surprise it's hyungwon. "Hyung." His eyes seem to darken when he looks at me. I'm pushed behind him to clutch his shirt.

"Who are you?" I hear her scoff and look over his shoulder to look hyungwon up and down.  
"I'm his mother. The question is, who are you?" Hyungwon suddenly laughs and shakes his head. Bending down he grabs the bags. He turns and grabs my shoulder pushing me in front of him.  
"Your not his mother. You just some whore who birthed him." I gasp at his language. Hyungwon doesn't curse a lot, in fact he only does so when he's really angry.

I hear her following us not saying anything. "You take forever changkyun. The others sent me after when we realized you've been gone a little under an hour." My eyes widen and look up at him to see him smiling tightly.  
"I'm sorry. I stopped to help pops with some crates then-" I wave over my shoulder at the woman following us. He nods and sighs, he stops and faces the woman.  
"You need to back off and leave before I call the authorities. If I remember right you were told to never be near him again. I'm trying for the sake of changkyun not to really go off, so I'm going to need you to take your leave. Before I say and do something that the only way I will regret doing is in front of changkyun."

He makes us walk again, only this time she starts talking. "That order went away when he became of age. I'm allowed to be around my son, thank you very much. You have no power over what I do, or who he talks to." hyungwon laughs dryly calling over his shoulder.  
"Actually I have all the power seeing as how he is MY maknae. Mine. Not yours. Call the others to meet us at the door. I have a feeling the crazy lady is not gonna let us enter the building without a fight."

I do as he said, and the results are not funny, because as we walk up kihyun is there. Not a good thing.  
"Changkyun!" He grabs me from hyungwon dragging me behind hoseok and hyunwoo. "Are you okay? Did she touch you? Do we need to call the authorities?" I laugh softly and hug him to me keeping the tears at bay. He grips me tightly to him while the others are telling her she needs to leave.  
"I'm okay hyung, just spooked me badly." She yells something before stomping off calling over her shoulder.  
"I'll be back damnit! He owes me, and I'm going to get my dues!" I whimper and curl tighter into kihyun. I feel a hand at the back of my neck and look up to see hyunwoo watching me with worried eyes.

"I'm okay, hyung. Promise." He nods before ushering us all inside. Our manager is there, and we tell him everything. You can see the anger across his face as he storms out of the room yelling for our CEO to be brought down here.  
"Is that really necessary? I mean, she didn't do anything. Plus I don't really believe she'll be back." The hyungs shake their heads at me.  
"No, she'll be back. She thinks you owe her something. She wants you to give her money and fame. She doesn't seem to understand that, that will not be happening." I sigh and lean into kihyun, who hasn't let me go since earlier.

Once our CEO gets there and everything is told even he looks mad. He takes a deep breathe before turning to me. He lays a hand on my shoulder and looks into my eyes make my breathe catch.  
"Changkyun, I'm sorry this happened. We actually knew she's been around, but we hoped you wouldn't have to find out this way. We hoped she would take the hint that we weren't going to let her near you." I look down as he sighs.  
"We should of told you so she couldn't ambush you like she did. We'll be ready next time, because you guys will no longer be allowed to go anywhere without one of the managers or even a body guard." I go to object but one look makes me close my mouth.  
"No. No arguing. I'm not going to let her get a hold of you. Because I know you will never lay your hands on her, but the same cannot be said for her." I nod and back away just as the door bursts open and I'm being crushed by byunghwa hyung and jongyeon.

"Are you okay?"  
"Did she hurt you?"  
"Do we need to make her disappear?"  
"I know a good place to hide a body." We all turn and look at jeongwook hyung who just shrugs at us.  
"What someone has to know how to when we have such a violent family." We all nod because he's right.  
The attention is back on me, and for once I'm not acting like I'm uncomfortable with it. I let them run their hands on me and answer questions that I don't understand how they pertain to the moment.  
But I still answer them with a soft understanding smile.

They're freaking out inside. They weren't here to keep her away from me. So they feel like they have to compensate with overwhelming me with their love.

"I'm okay guys. I promise. She didn't lay a hand on me. Plus you should be proud of hyungwon hyung. He told her off so good she was stunned for a bit."  
They all smile at the smug yet blushing man.  
Hyunwoo steps forward with a smile. "How about me we all stay together tonight. I don't know about you all, but hyunie will kill me if I don't let us have a movie and cuddle session in the living room after all this."  
We all laugh as he starts to jump away from kihyun hyung. Who is all red and sputtering angrily. After a but of calming down and everyone realizing that I'm okay we go home and pile all our blankets and pillows in the living room then proceed to play Disney movies till everyone is asleep.

Well, everyone but me.

I carefully maneuver may way through the pile of bodies to the door. I put on my jacket and shoes before slipping out carefully, and making my way to the roof. It's their I allow myself to really break down.  
I was holding it back, because no matter how much my hyungs want to take care of me. I can't let them see me break like this. They've already done so much for me.  
I'm so upset that I don't hear the roof door opening, or the footsteps coming toward me until arms are wrapping around me pulling me into a tight hug.

I look up to see my maknae looking at me so softly. No pity on his face. Just understanding, anger, and pure pain.  
"It's okay, hyung. I'm here." I know I shouldn't allow him to comfort me, but I can't help it. Because out of everyone he would understand.  
He was the first person I ever talked to. He was the first person who gave me love with wanting anything in return. He loved me even when I glared at him, and told him to get lost.  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He rubs his head into my hair cooing softly.  
"It's okay, hyung. You aren't doing anything wrong. I'm allowed to comfort you, and you're allowed to let me comfort you. We're family hyung. We always will be."

After a while we move to were I'm laying down with my head on his stomach and he's laying down looking at the stars with me. Our hands are intertwined and we just breathe.

No talking.  
No crying.  
No words of comfort.  
Just breathing.

I don't notice that we fall asleep. I only realize we did when we wake up the next morning curled up in the middle of a cuddle pile with our hyungs.

 

* * *

 

Deep breath changkyun. Deep breath.

It's been two days since everything went down, and everything has been intense. Because she keeps trying. It's gotten so bad that the managers won't let us go anywhere without at least three or four other people with us.  
I feel so bad that I'm causing all of this. But the managers, and the members keep saying that none of this is my fault. It's her's. She's the one that keeps coming around. She's the one that won't take no for an answer, and stay away.  
"Changkyun." I look up to see kihyun, hyunwoo, and our manager all standing their look angry and wary. Oh god. What's happened now?

"We have a small problem, and we need you not to freak out. Okay?" I narrow my eyes but agree to not 'freak out' as they said.  
"Your mother is in the stands with the others, we were watching for her to make sure she didn't buy a ticket. But we didn't count on her getting someone else to do it. So, we weren't watching that until it was to late. Not we can't remove her because we don't want to cause a scene. So,I need to know if you can go on stage and try not to freak out on stage if you see her."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I can feel the panic attack coming. I also feel how I'm suddenly engulfed in a tight hug. I open my eyes to see jooheon looking at me, running his eyes over my face before pulling me to bury my head in his neck.  
"It's going to be okay. We'll be right there until the very end. You'll be so into the music and seeing monbebe's your eyes will go right over her, and you'll forget she's even there. Besides,"  
He pulls back and grins so brightly it's like it momentarily blinds me. "Do you really want your mom to be the reason we disappoint monbebes?" I grumble slightly making him laugh.  
"Monbebe's wouldn't be disappointed they'd be worried. Hell, they might be so worried they'll chase her off with pitchforks and torches."

I look up with a smile on my face, "Do you think we can set monbebe's on her? Maybe she'll leave us alone if she has to deal with them."  
I hear hoseok hyung laugh loudly before he claps me on the shoulder. "That would word if only monbebe's wouldn't get in trouble for hurting her. And we all know they most likely would if it's to protect you."  
I sigh and nod. They're right. I wouldn't want to get them into trouble. So that idea went out the window. I pull away from jooheon and walk over to my other hyungs to flop on top of the stretched out minhyuk making him groan but wrap his arms around me.

"Aw, wanna cuddle Kkukkung?" I nod and just curl on top of him. I know I'm probably to heavy but he doesn't move me. He just situates us into a more comfortable position.  
"Everything will be okay." I don't respond instead I just push my face into his neck and sigh softly.

 

* * *

 

In the end the performance was amazing, but afterwards I had another panic attack because of her glaring and mouthing words at me.

My hyungs were furious and told our managers either they do something about her or they will. I don't know the details, because I didn't want to know, but apparently they got her to leave and promise to never show up again.  
I wish they would have made doubly sure she would listen, or I wouldn't be in this position right now.

"You know. I should feel proud with how any people you've got wrapped around you finger." She sneers at me. I know she wants a response so instead of giving it to her I just sit back against the park bench and cross my arms staring at her.  
"I don't understand were you get off thinking you can let people treat me like that. Were you can treat me like this. I am your mother. Whether you like it or not, I am your mother."  
I roll my eyes and and just cock my head to the side and continue to wait. Sooner or later she'll slip. I just have to wait for that moment.

"Do they know your a murder? That your a worthless waste of space? That your the reason your sister is dead, and why me and your father are not together anymore?"  
I twitch slightly but stay still. She just needs to keep going a little more.  
"Do they know about how you lied and got me put in jail only for when I was released I got stuck taking care of you. You, who is spoiled rotten piece of shit." She leans forward and speaks in my face making me want to flinch back, but I wont give her that luxury anymore. I'm stronger than that now. I have to be.

"I should have made sure I killed you that night." I don't give her a second thought as I stand hold a recording device up to her face.  
"Keep going, mother. Talk some more so I can release this to my lawyers and get you put in jail for harassment." Her face turns red and she launches at me. I move out of the way making her hit the bench instead of me like she was aiming. Same old mother, huh? I turn to see her trying to get up from the bench.  
Only I don't let her get up. I out the device away after turning it off, and put my arms on either side of her head.

I look her in the eye,  
"I'm going to say this nice and slow so your drug induced brain can understand this." Her eyes narrow but she stays quiet for once in her life.  
"I'm no longer that little boy who hides behind the toys under his bed so his mommy doesn't find, and use him as her punching bag. I'm no longer the little boy who will let you use him as an outlet of her anger, because he just wants her to love him again. No longer will I hold any fear for you. Because you mean nothing to me. Your nothing, but the whore who gave me life. You might as well of abandoned me the day you had me."

I stop and watch her eyes widen slightly, but keep the anger and hate behind them.  
"The best thing you've ever done in this lifetime was give birth to me and my sister. Other than that you should have died in the crash instead of my sister. God should have taken your worthless life and left my angel of a sister on this earth."  
Her eyes start to water and lose the hate and anger.  
"Your going to leave, and your not going to come back. Because if you do, I will release that tape and sue you for everything you have and everything you will have. I will ruin your name so bad everyone in the world will know who and what you are. Now, your going to leave." I move up and back away from her glaring heavily not letting up till she stands and moves away.

"I will tell you one thing, mother." She stops, but doesn't look at me. "I forgive you." I see her back go ramrod straight, but she still doesn't turn around.  
"I forgive you not for you though, but for myself. I was told once. That it's not good to hold onto so much hate and anger. So I forgive you."  
I see her body shaking slightly. She speaks softly, before running leaving me slightly shocked behind her.  
"I did love you changkyun. Just not enough to over ride the hate that is in my mind."

I feel bad for her. I really do. But there is nothing I can do. Because now that chapter is closed. I no longer have to look over my shoulder wondering when she's going to pop up. Wondering when she's going to come back to finish the job that she didn't before.

I look up at the sky and take a deep breath before moving to the care that holds my hyungs who are freaked out and worried like crazy about me.  
I smile as they all ten of them seem to move out of the car like clowns.

My family is right here.

Not running away like a coward, or sitting in a house hundreds of miles away stare sadly at a picture of his lost son on his mantle.

No. My family is ten weird, rambunctious, slightly crazy guys. Who make me happier than I've ever been in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think?  
> Did you like it?  
> Was it too much?
> 
> Let me know what you think.  
> If you see any typo's or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is extrememly late, and for that I'm sorry.  
> The only excuse I can give you is that life got in the way.  
> Between school, moving, and just random day to day life everything just became to much, and I had no time for this story.
> 
> But here is the last chapter.  
> While it's not perfect, or long like i would like. I do plan to come back, make it better in the future. Not any time soon mind you, but I will.  
> I hope you all like it.

Changkyun's POV:

"So changkyun-shi, There have been some rumors going around about your past. Now, we don't want to give people the wrong idea. So your managers decided for you to come on here t confirm, and deny some of them."  
I nod my head before remembering that the listeners probably couldn't see me.  
"Oh, yes. We decided it would probably be better if I just came out and told everyone the truth instead of false information getting around. So you can ask questions, and I will answer to the best of my ability."

She looks down to her paper before looking back at me smiling slightly. "But there will be some things you cannot share with us."  
"Yes, there is some things that I cannot, and will not share for they are far to personal."  
She nods at me before asking the first question. "Alright, some questions are general questions, some are from fans, and a few are from certain media sites."

She looks up at me with a weird look on her making me nervous. "Now, I'm sorry about some of these questions, but lets get started. Is it true you cut your mother out of your life completely?"  
I sigh, and rub my face. Why couldn't she have started with a easier question.  
"Yes, I have cut her out of my life, and before you ask I'll tell you why." I look over to the window to see my hyungs sitting there watching me. They all give me encouraging smiles.

"It's not well known by anyone other than select few of the staff and my hyungs. But my mother both physically, and mentally abused me as a small child." I take a deep breath catching the startled look on the radio hosts face.  
"She has tryed to threaten me with going public, and trying to destroy not only my name, but my hyungs name. Because I wouldn't let her be in my life again. She use to beat me so bad that I couldn't move for hours, and yet she thinks that, because she got a coin that said she wasn't a drunk anymore, that she's the worlds best mother."

The woman looks shocked for a second before shaking herself out of it and moving on. "I'm so sorry changkyun-shi." I nod my head at her before she continues on.  
"Okay, It is said that you ran away from home to join your former company Special K?"  
I smile slightly at this question not to hard of a question. "Yes, I did. It wasn't because I was some rebel kid, or the type of person to do this all the time. This was actually because, well actually it was me rebelling against my father. But, not for no reason.  
My father isn't a horrible person. But he isn't the worlds best dad either. He started to resent me after everything happened with my family because I was my mother's son. So, he refused to treat me with any love and care. He would yell at me, and berate me for any manner of things. Now, he never hit me, or tried to hurt me in any physical way. No, he hurt me more mentally."

I adjust my self in my seat slightly, while leaning forward on my elbows. "He loved me. He just didn't love who my mother was, and to be honest I can understand why. This woman single-handedly destroyed our entire family with one mistake. Then and the nerve to blame me and my father when she was at fault for the whole thing. So, I can understand why he hated me. But because he treated me like that, I decided near the end if he didn't want me around then I wouldn't be around.  
So I forged his signature, and sent the papers off, and with in the same day I left. Now, we aren't close in any means. But we do talk more often, and fight less often. He remarried and has two more kids. Which is fine with me. His wife is actually the reason why we reconciled. She wanted my sibling to get to know they're big brother."

She smile at my last statement and shuffles the paper around. "It's said that you use to get into a lot of physical fights, yet now-a-days you won't be caught dead in a fight."  
I laugh loudly, and see my own hyungs laughing. "Me fighting is actually a funny thing, because I hate violence. Like I despise it with a capital D. The few times I have gotten into fight were not without reason. One of them was because another trainee insulted my former groups maknae jongyeon, and anyone that knows me knows that jongyeonie is my best friend. He was my first friend, and has continued to be my friend for years now. The other times were for similar reason because they were either picking on someone or had said something insulting about my former members, or my hyungs now."

I look her in the eye catching her by surprise. "I never had anything, or anyone that I could call mine growing up. So when I do become close to someone, they become mine. And I am very protective of what I consider mine. It's why I love my monbebe's so much. Because they like to think I need to be protected, which is fine with me, and as long as no one tries to hurt, or insult them everything will stay cool."

She smiles at that and nods at me in acknowledgement. "Now, some fan questions. Which are quite cute, and funny. If you could choose one of your hyungs to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be, and why?"  
I look over to my hyungs only to laugh along with the host. Jooheon and minhyuk are pushing at each to be infront which hoseok is pushed up against the window grinning at me. Kihyun is standing on a chair to be above hyunwoo who is trying to block him with his hands. What really makes me laugh is how relaxed hyungwon is, just sitting in a chair without a care in the world, luckily I know him and I can see the hand he's trying to hide pointing at him.

"If I had to choose one of them I'd honestly be stuck between, shownu hyung and kihyun hyung. Because shownu hyung is easy to live with, He's a very neat person, he isn't really loud, and he's also really warm so when I get cold I cuddle up to him without one complaint. Kihyun hyung is because he can cook, clean, and pay the bills. While I can clean, and cook I don't really care to. Also I have no idea how to pay bills, so thats a plus. Also he's a great cuddler, and he takes great care of me when I forget to take care of myself."  
She seems satisfied with my answer, while four of my hyungs do not. I giggle and throw aegyo at them before turning for the next question.  
"Alright these are just a few funny questions to lighten up the mood more."

"Favorite color?  
"White"  
"Nickname?"  
"Kkukkungie, Wonho hyung gave it to me."  
"Favorite food?"  
"Seafood"  
"Least Favorite food?"  
"Spicy food."

"Alright, let's see a few more questions then I'll leave you be." I nod and wait for the next one nervously. I see her facial expression change slightly and I squirm when she looks at me again.  
"Is it true that you once tried to commit suicide?" I groan and take a deep breath before answering.  
"Yes I did, It was not my proudest moment. It was right after the worst beating my mother had ever given me in my life. I got up and fixed my self up as best as I could before I ran, or well limped as far as I possibly could away from that house. I ran to a bridge, and honestly I cannot tell you the name of that bridge, because alot of the night was a blur. But I do remember a police officer pulling me off of the railings, and being so mad. I remember screaming, and yelling at that man so hard that it was hard to to talk later on.  
But I can tell you that it was the worst thing I could have done, but it got me away from my mother. It made my father step up and take me. Really the only reason he took me was, because the courts told him he had to. Though I could see that the judge didn't want to do that to. She knew that she could order my father to take me in, and provide for me. She knew she couldn't make him love, and care for me."

I took a deep breathe, and smiled brightly at the host. "So, Yes. I tried to commit suicide, and yes I regret it. I hope anyone who is listening right now, who feels like suicide is their only option, knows that it's not. They're are always other options. Their are hotlines, places, and even people who can, and will help you. You just have to reach out and try. I should have done that, but I didn't.  
You know what. If you feel like that, and you ever see me in the street, or anywhere. Come talk to me. I will take the time and talk with you, and get you the help you need and deserve. Because suicide is never an option."

I see my hyungs smiling brightly at me with tears in their eyes. I can see the pride in their eyes. I feel my own tears welling up, but keep them at bay until the end of the interview.

"Now lets talk about you lovely hyungs. We would like to know all their secrets please. Especially the embarrassing ones."  
"Well, there is a story about my 6 hyungs, and curling iron." The hyungs proceed to try to enter the room but are to busy fighting with each other to get in.

 

* * *

 

As soon as we enter the dorm I'm pulled in the living room into a big cuddle pile.  
"Your so brave, and amazing kkukkunge. Our maknae." I curl into kihyun hyungs chest with minhyuk hyung hugging me, and jooheon hyung rubbing my hair.  
"Thank you for being here kyunnie. Thank you for not giving up." I sniffle at that and shake my head.  
"I'll never give up hyungs. Never again."

 

"We do need to talk about you telling her about the curling iron incident changkyun ah." I start laughing at all my hyungs turn to me at one time with fake serious faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what did you think? Was it worth the wait?
> 
> I hope so, well you know what to do. If you see any typos or missing words let me know.
> 
> Thank you all for reading my story, and bearing with my along the way.


End file.
